Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read all the posts (after the one where OP explained the slur and context), but I would be careful about jumping to conclusions. I say this as a mom of a middle eastern child (I am not middle eastern myself) who is four years old. I cannot FATHOM an adult saying something like
you described to a child's face. If your daughter had overheard dad saying it to mom I would be much more likely to believe it. I just know that my own daughter, who is admittedly a little younger, comes home all the time with warped versions of stories. I don't think she's even intentionally lying or anything, they just have a hard time separating fantasy from reality and also with hearing things correctly. There are some awful, totally racist people out there (trust me I know) but to say that statement to a child? Unless this guy is like a KKK member living in a trailer park, I would be skeptical. It would be terrible if your daughters friendship was ruined because she heard wrong.

Of course you don't believe someone would be so overtly racist. You're slamming poor people in your post saying how the kid couldn't possibly recount a story as it happened. Check your privilege. The kid didn't even know what the word meant. How could she possibly have made up the conversation not knowing what the word meant? When someone calls you a name, it tends to stick in your mind better than random unknown words you overhear. Even if you're a child.

That high horse is gonna give you saddle sores. Tip: it's unlikely that you have a universal monopoly on virtue (though you're certainly doing your best to corner the market on righteousness). In light of that, you might want to dismount and engage in the dialogue.

Younger than 30? More than a whiff of millennial here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

This is some good reading for you to understand the racism people still fact on a daily basis: http://files.kff.org/attachment/report-survey-of-americans-on-race

40% of African Americans report that they have feared for their life due to their race; 20% of Hispanics reported the same.

Thanks for the link. Some surprising things there, such as "More than half of Blacks (54 percent), including about 7 in 10 who say they have experienced recent
unfair treatment due to their race, say their race has been a disadvantage in their life rather than an advantage, while majorities of Whites (61 percent) and Hispanics (56 percent) feel their race has been an advantage."

Why would a majority of Hispanics say so?

My guess would be that they are bilingual and have seen advantages because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, at some point people need to toughen up. You act all beside yourselves about a word being thrown around.

It's a word, people. A WORD. Your kids are going to hear far worse over their lives, especially given what their people have done to America. Part of making America great again is that we need to buy in rather than just think that our special group status is special. Get a thick skin. Stop whining, and git r done.

Thanks for the insight, asshole.

You got trolled by a not particularly clever parody.

Is there a reference? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

Cracker, Jew, wetback, gringo, chink wouldn't be bleeped. There is only one word that would be.

Jeez, what t.v. stations do you watch? Cracker, wetback, and chink would absolutely be bleeped unless it was some comedy channel with no rating and then usually only if the comedian was of the race the slur applied to.

Jew isn't in and of itself a slur, so no that wouldn't be bleeped, unless there was profanity with it or other offensive terms used. Gringo... not even sure that is truly considered a slur all around? Most non-English languages have a term for people with white skin and that term is not always in and of itself considered offensive or a slur. So if it's widely recognized as a slur, that might be bleeped too. But I know cultures that just use it and it's not a slur.

PP can you give an example of where you've heard wetback or chink on a t.v. show (other than a storyline about racism) and it wasn't bleeped? What show? What context?

[Anonymous]

Is this a common term here n h DC/MD/VA area? I'm Latina and have NEVER heard this term until now. I haven EVER felt any type f racism/prejudice/bigotry because of my ethnicity either btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a common term here n h DC/MD/VA area? I'm Latina and have NEVER heard this term until now. I haven EVER felt any type f racism/prejudice/bigotry because of my ethnicity either btw.

Lucky you. Is this your first day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a common term here n h DC/MD/VA area? I'm Latina and have NEVER heard this term until now. I haven EVER felt any type f racism/prejudice/bigotry because of my ethnicity either btw.

Lucky you. Is this your first day?

Lol. Well, in her defense, I'm Hispanic & I've never heard the term spic either. With that being said, I've definitely observed & heard plenty of other racist language though, especially when I was a kid. I look "white" so I think people would forget (or maybe they just didn't care?) that I was Hispanic while they made mean remarks about "beaners" "wetbacks" and "lazy Mexicans." Still, never heard "spic" though.

Spic doesn't offend me (and neither does cracker or honky), but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

I do not support sending kids to the houses of people whom I am not close to. Plus, this pc stuff is more offensive than many of the forbidden words. So, I wish that you did not refrain from saying it straight out. In my opinion, you need not send your child back to that home. Yes, confront the father in a firm but not aggressive manner. Perhaps, you might want to laugh a little to make him feel totally uncomfortable. BEST

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a common term here n h DC/MD/VA area? I'm Latina and have NEVER heard this term until now. I haven EVER felt any type f racism/prejudice/bigotry because of my ethnicity either btw.

Lucky you. Is this your first day?

Lol. Well, in her defense, I'm Hispanic & I've never heard the term spic either. With that being said, I've definitely observed & heard plenty of other racist language though, especially when I was a kid. I look "white" so I think people would forget (or maybe they just didn't care?) that I was Hispanic while they made mean remarks about "beaners" "wetbacks" and "lazy Mexicans." Still, never heard "spic" though.

Spic doesn't offend me (and neither does cracker or honky), but to each their own.

I grew up in the 80s and we heard this word then. On tv, in films and in school. My best friend was from Chile and she heard it and it made her quite righteously angry.

[Anonymous]

Wiw, this is a long thread. i feel sorry that this happened to the OPs daughter. I had a somewhat similar experience and wanted to share how I dealt with it. im indian american, snd my daughter is mixed. a friend in her k class asked her why girls in india get married at 5 years old, or something like that. she said her mother told her that. my daughter felt embarrased and asked me whether it's true. i told her, unfortunately, child marriage haplens in many countries including India, and it is absolutely wrong and against our family's values and human rights.m, and that sometimes people who do not know our culture may make wrong assumptions, and it's best to try and educate them.i told her to let her friend know that what her mom said is not incorrect, that child marriage happens in india and elsewhere, and that they should raise awareness and money to stand up for girls everywhere... well, they didnt do that, but they are good friends now. the mom seems wary around me, but Ive been friendly.