Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if he DID say Hispanic....wtf?

Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

Yes, covert. As in, only around immediately family, and a small child he didn't realize would remember what he said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

Oh, you're a "bit surprised"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

This is some good reading for you to understand the racism people still fact on a daily basis: http://files.kff.org/attachment/report-survey-of-americans-on-race

40% of African Americans report that they have feared for their life due to their race; 20% of Hispanics reported the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

This was in the last decade. Maybe I'm younger, or my family is younger, or you're desensitized to racism. I couldn't say. At any rate, it shouldn't be surprising that there are still racists. Not all nasty, bigoted comments are on the down low. Some people are so racist, they feel their actions are justified and don't need to be hidden. Same grandpa who used spic and boycotted my wedding would also walk out of church if an African American family joined them. If he arrived and they were already there, he'd leave. One time the services and started and the family arrived late, and he literally got up and left. He's a deacon or whatever you call it. He made it known why he left, and he wasn't demoted. Also, because he's a "pillar of the community" he used to mentor children. When he was assigned a minority child, he refused because of racial issues. Fortunately that time, someone had some balls and kicked him out of the mentor program. Some people are racist as fuck, and don't bother hiding it, and are racist to children. Even in modern times. Even in 'Murica.

[Anonymous]

Also, grandpa's 2 sons and several of the grandsons (my cousins) seem to have inherited those same openly racist attitudes. I don't go around those people if I can help it, but I've seen some nasty things they post on Facebook. Racist, homophobic, intolerant nonsense. Fortunately, at least most of the girls in my generation have broken the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, grandpa's 2 sons and several of the grandsons (my cousins) seem to have inherited those same openly racist attitudes. I don't go around those people if I can help it, but I've seen some nasty things they post on Facebook. Racist, homophobic, intolerant nonsense. Fortunately, at least most of the girls in my generation have broken the cycle.

Oops. I'm on my phone and highly distracted. The point of that was that there are definitely people (and not just my racist extended family judging by likes on FB) who are as young as 20s and 30s who are openly racist.

[Anonymous]

You know, at some point people need to toughen up. You act all beside yourselves about a word being thrown around.

It's a word, people. A WORD. Your kids are going to hear far worse over their lives, especially given what their people have done to America. Part of making America great again is that we need to buy in rather than just think that our special group status is special. Get a thick skin. Stop whining, and git r done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, at some point people need to toughen up. You act all beside yourselves about a word being thrown around.

It's a word, people. A WORD. Your kids are going to hear far worse over their lives, especially given what their people have done to America. Part of making America great again is that we need to buy in rather than just think that our special group status is special. Get a thick skin. Stop whining, and git r done.

Thanks for the insight, asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, at some point people need to toughen up. You act all beside yourselves about a word being thrown around.

It's a word, people. A WORD. Your kids are going to hear far worse over their lives, especially given what their people have done to America. Part of making America great again is that we need to buy in rather than just think that our special group status is special. Get a thick skin. Stop whining, and git r done.

Thanks for the insight, asshole.

You got trolled by a not particularly clever parody.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the posts (after the one where OP explained the slur and context), but I would be careful about jumping to conclusions. I say this as a mom of a middle eastern child (I am not middle eastern myself) who is four years old. I cannot FATHOM an adult saying something like
you described to a child's face. If your daughter had overheard dad saying it to mom I would be much more likely to believe it. I just know that my own daughter, who is admittedly a little younger, comes home all the time with warped versions of stories. I don't think she's even intentionally lying or anything, they just have a hard time separating fantasy from reality and also with hearing things correctly. There are some awful, totally racist people out there (trust me I know) but to say that statement to a child? Unless this guy is like a KKK member living in a trailer park, I would be skeptical. It would be terrible if your daughters friendship was ruined because she heard wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read all the posts (after the one where OP explained the slur and context), but I would be careful about jumping to conclusions. I say this as a mom of a middle eastern child (I am not middle eastern myself) who is four years old. I cannot FATHOM an adult saying something like
you described to a child's face. If your daughter had overheard dad saying it to mom I would be much more likely to believe it. I just know that my own daughter, who is admittedly a little younger, comes home all the time with warped versions of stories. I don't think she's even intentionally lying or anything, they just have a hard time separating fantasy from reality and also with hearing things correctly. There are some awful, totally racist people out there (trust me I know) but to say that statement to a child? Unless this guy is like a KKK member living in a trailer park, I would be skeptical. It would be terrible if your daughters friendship was ruined because she heard wrong.

Of course you don't believe someone would be so overtly racist. You're slamming poor people in your post saying how the kid couldn't possibly recount a story as it happened. Check your privilege. The kid didn't even know what the word meant. How could she possibly have made up the conversation not knowing what the word meant? When someone calls you a name, it tends to stick in your mind better than random unknown words you overhear. Even if you're a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard spic used before, and it was around children. The children were white and related to the asshole who said it, so it wasn't used at children. It was used around children. It just rolled off his tongue the same way Hispanic would off yours or mine. The children had no idea it was a slur, and probably would think nothing of repeating it.

The asshole who said it is profoundly racist. I know because he is my grandfather. We're estranged now, but occasionally see each other at family functions. He chose not to attend my wedding because there are too many African Americans involved and attending (not that he used that term) and that's not what his family stands for.

So yeah, when people start saying things like maybe the person saying the word didn't know it was negative, or that maybe the target of the word/racism probably misheard, they lose me. I can't understand why someone would be so quick to dismiss someone else's personal experiences. Plenty of us have seen or experienced it and know it still happens.

My grandfather was also racist as anything, but he'd be pushing 100 if he were still with us. A father of a child is probably somewhere between 20-40 or so. Nowadays, bigoted people are more covert, usually. That's why we're a bit surprised.

This is some good reading for you to understand the racism people still fact on a daily basis: http://files.kff.org/attachment/report-survey-of-americans-on-race

40% of African Americans report that they have feared for their life due to their race; 20% of Hispanics reported the same.

Thanks for the link. Some surprising things there, such as "More than half of Blacks (54 percent), including about 7 in 10 who say they have experienced recent
unfair treatment due to their race, say their race has been a disadvantage in their life rather than an advantage, while majorities of Whites (61 percent) and Hispanics (56 percent) feel their race has been an advantage."

Why would a majority of Hispanics say so?