My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone should ask Jeff to check this thread to see if it's one or two posters who keep minimizing the assault, and warning against reporting it to the proper authorities (the police).

You don't like our opinion, so you run to Jeff?

If your "opinion" is that this wasn't an assault,
let's make it clear just for you.

--- Legal Definition of Sexual Assault ---
Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact
or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent
of the recipient.
- US Department of Justice

For those of you who don't know what is sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Hello. It's legally called S-E-X-U-A-L
A-S-S-U-A-L-T.
Clear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

+1
I think there are some sick people here who actually enjoy equating groping to molestation or even rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Most rapes start as over clothes. Also the grooming proces usually starts with over clothes. It is the 1st stage of a sexual offender becoming a full on rapist.

[Anonymous]

Many over the clothes sexual assaults end in ejaculation. Being over the clothes does not mean it is not an assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

And you don't get to decide for others how they should react (or not react) either. I, for one, wouldn't place this incident anywhere near the same category as a rape or molestation. To do so grossly minimizes those very real victims of sexual crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Are you saying that a teenager cannot rape, molest or sexually assault someone?

These questions you ask are important, but, if the victim of the behavior wants to report this to police, this is THEIR job to figure out. That's why we have a juvenile justice system, why we have juries, why we have prosecutorial discretion. This is not the VICTIM's job to figure out. And it is certainly not the job of a bystander to assume everything for the benefit of the person who committed the harm and dismiss the entire incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And you don't get to decide for others how they should react (or not react) either. I, for one, wouldn't place this incident anywhere near the same category as a rape or molestation. To do so grossly minimizes those very real victims of sexual crime.

Yes, that is my point. I am perfectly fine if you don't get bothered if this happens to you or your kids. I will not decide for you that you should be upset or that you should report. But you don't decide for me or OP or OP's kid if we should be upset or what steps we should take next. Deal?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be so proud of your son for making the report.

Having been through something similar with my DD, I would note that the issue of whether to report to the police might not be entirely up to OP and her family. In our case, the school called in the police almost immediately after getting the word from legal that they had to do so. The police then interviewed my DD a few times over the next few weeks, with a view toward compiling materials that would be used by the state's attorney to decide whether to prosecute. Ultimately, things were left open-ended: no immediate charges, but the possibility of bringing them until the statute of limitations runs out.

[Anonymous]

I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

My kid is gonna need some help if he makes a 'mistake' like this. I have young boys and we talk now (not in a sexual sense) about "waiting for a yes" and respecting everyone's body. I cannot even imagine my horror at finding out my son had done this.