My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

Simple Definition of molest

: to harm (someone) through sexual contact : to touch (someone) in a sexual and improper way

So touching someone in a sexual way - what exactly is that? It must be a sex organ that's touched? Must the perpetrator have sexual thoughts? A football player slapping his teammate's butt - is that sexual?

It's really not that simple.

Kids was not rubbing someone's elbow or ear or ankle.
Did you read the OP?
Her son was ASLEEP and was being touched --at a minimum--an improper way.
If this is my son, we are reporting. (Feel sorry for your kids, if you have any.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Each victim of sexual assault is entitled to his/her OWN response to what happened.

There is no way for another person to do that.

OP here. We have very much let DS take the lead (with our strong support, of course) in responding to this, and he has very definitely made his wishes known. Thanks to all well-intentioned posters for your input and advice.

One last thing: at no time did I ever suggest this was the worst possible assault imaginable. I didn't know about the ruptured-bladder case and can only imagine what that child and his family are going through. I'm well aware that my son could have been much more seriously injured.

And yet, what the other boy did was still wrong. Saying that we shouldn't be concerned because DS wasn't raped is also wrong.

I think we're done here.

You sound like a very level-headed parent to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Bingo. Perhaps we have a molester on this thread who is afraid of exactly that. I wouldn't be at all surprised considering his constant posts.

This is hysterical (but sadly, not funny). You're actually trying to discredit those of us who disagree with you by saying we're all just one poster - and a male molester, at that? Your God complex is showing, and it's frightening.

+1

She is nuts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Most rapes start as over clothes. Also the grooming proces usually starts with over clothes. It is the 1st stage of a sexual offender becoming a full on rapist.

Huh? Probably most adolescents who did what this boy did do not go on to become rapists. Are you really suggesting he be punished for rape because you foresee rape in his future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

Exactly. If there's zero report, no one will ever know the pattern of sexual assault.

are you insane? what pattern???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Bingo. Perhaps we have a molester on this thread who is afraid of exactly that. I wouldn't be at all surprised considering his constant posts.

This has got to be a troll post. Or a troll OP. Now we have the "repeat rapist" on the bus being raped at home, and thank goodness the state will step in. Oh brother. Is this the author who was looking for story ideas in an earlier thread? Better to be up front about it as you were then rather than make up all this nonsense.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

Exactly. If there's zero report, no one will ever know the pattern of sexual assault.

are you insane? what pattern???

Exactly. No reporting = No pattern
How brilliant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Bingo. Perhaps we have a molester on this thread who is afraid of exactly that. I wouldn't be at all surprised considering his constant posts.

This has got to be a troll post. Or a troll OP. Now we have the "repeat rapist" on the bus being raped at home, and thank goodness the state will step in. Oh brother. Is this the author who was looking for story ideas in an earlier thread? Better to be up front about it as you were then rather than make up all this nonsense.....

You should come clean and admit what you're so afraid of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Bingo. Perhaps we have a molester on this thread who is afraid of exactly that. I wouldn't be at all surprised considering his constant posts.

This is hysterical (but sadly, not funny). You're actually trying to discredit those of us who disagree with you by saying we're all just one poster - and a male molester, at that? Your God complex is showing, and it's frightening.

+1

She is nuts!

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

Exactly. If there's zero report, no one will ever know the pattern of sexual assault.

are you insane? what pattern???

Yes, PP feels she can predict future criminal behavior (a la Minority Report) from one crude maneuver performed by a misguided teen. I'm glad s/he isn't in a position of authority. God help us all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Whaaaaaa?? That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No$ I work in child abuse investigations. 99 percent of kids that molest others were molested, are being molested. 1 in 6 boys are molested.

This boy will get counseling not criminal charges since he is under 18. Why is everybody so afraid of notifying the police.

Thank god teachers are required reporters otherwise kids would never get help.

If we find the kid was just messing around, he would most likely not be charged or be given some soft charge that required counsleing and wiped off his record.

Yes. God only knows how many kids are getting molested. Teachers, coaches, uncles, etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Whaaaaaa?? That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No$ I work in child abuse investigations. 99 percent of kids that molest others were molested, are being molested. 1 in 6 boys are molested.

This boy will get counseling not criminal charges since he is under 18. Why is everybody so afraid of notifying the police.

Thank god teachers are required reporters otherwise kids would never get help.

If we find the kid was just messing around, he would most likely not be charged or be given some soft charge that required counsleing and wiped off his record.

I'm making a jump here, but haven't we heard of situations where a 19 year old guy has naked pics of his 17 year old girlfriend on his phone and gets a lifelong label as a child pornographer? I don't think it's a huge leap to worry this kid may be harmed for life over this situation, either.

Exactly. In fact, they frequently give draconian sex offender registry status to very young children. It's appalling.

THAT'S why people say stay away from the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Whaaaaaa?? That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No$ I work in child abuse investigations. 99 percent of kids that molest others were molested, are being molested. 1 in 6 boys are molested.

This boy will get counseling not criminal charges since he is under 18. Why is everybody so afraid of notifying the police.

Thank god teachers are required reporters otherwise kids would never get help.

If we find the kid was just messing around, he would most likely not be charged or be given some soft charge that required counsleing and wiped off his record.

I'm making a jump here, but haven't we heard of situations where a 19 year old guy has naked pics of his 17 year old girlfriend on his phone and gets a lifelong label as a child pornographer? I don't think it's a huge leap to worry this kid may be harmed for life over this situation, either.

Exactly. In fact, they frequently give draconian sex offender registry status to very young children. It's appalling.

THAT'S why people say stay away from the police.

Why not allow your children to learn your local laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody's clothes came off so let's take a breath and not start to quickly on a course that could potentially cause your kid more harm. The way you explained it, the child made a pass at your son, but I am not hearing he held your kid down and forced himself or forced your kid to do something. I am only approaching this from this angle because we don't want to do more psychological harm to your son by blowing this to Siberia. I hope there's a psychologist on here that can help come your nerves so you can process this in a measured form. BTW, if it was me, I would want to talk to my son first and find out all the facts and how he feels.

This. Sane, balanced advice. Please heed.

+1,00000000

Seriously folks - don't call the police; don't tell siblings, friends, or anyone; yes, talk to the school but - jeez - let's relax. Talk to your son to find out what happened and whether it was a joke or an actual gay come-on. Your poor son is probably mortified by it all. Don't blow it up. This wasn't a teacher but was a classmate, perhaps even someone he thought of as a friend. And the statements that the kid will be permanently damaged by this incident -- good god, people! If anything, he's more likely to be harmed by the hoopla spread by his parents.