My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody's clothes came off so let's take a breath and not start to quickly on a course that could potentially cause your kid more harm. The way you explained it, the child made a pass at your son, but I am not hearing he held your kid down and forced himself or forced your kid to do something. I am only approaching this from this angle because we don't want to do more psychological harm to your son by blowing this to Siberia. I hope there's a psychologist on here that can help come your nerves so you can process this in a measured form. BTW, if it was me, I would want to talk to my son first and find out all the facts and how he feels.

This. Sane, balanced advice. Please heed.

+1,00000000

Seriously folks - don't call the police; don't tell siblings, friends, or anyone; yes, talk to the school but - jeez - let's relax. Talk to your son to find out what happened and whether it was a joke or an actual gay come-on. Your poor son is probably mortified by it all. Don't blow it up. This wasn't a teacher but was a classmate, perhaps even someone he thought of as a friend. And the statements that the kid will be permanently damaged by this incident -- good god, people! If anything, he's more likely to be harmed by the hoopla spread by his parents.

Actually, sounds like the kid wants to report it possibly. Which means he isn't mortified - becasue he realizes he doesn't have anything to be mortified about.

Yes, silence and keeping quiet - that's the answer to stopping sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

No. That is nothing the way the law works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

Exactly this... BUT that also means that they both could end up on sex offender registry!!! This would totally ruin their lives. They would be treated for the rest of their lives as the worst pedophiles. Wouldn't be able to get certain jobs, live within a certain distance from a school, or pick up their own children from daycare!!! "When juveniles are found guilty of sexual misconduct, the sex-offender registry can be a life sentence." Read this article: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/03/14/when-kids-are-accused-of-sex-crimes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the posters who said to take a breath. I only posted once. I sincerely think it's not a big deal. If it were a teacher who did it, that would be different. It's a peer. Two teenagers. Your son was asleep. It will not harm your son in any way.

Np here as well. I completely agree. It's not that big of a deal. Definitely don't call the police.

When I was in middle school I had a group of about 10 guys hold me down by sitting on me and then 1 shoved there dick in my face. Never once did I think this was assault. Yes it was awful. The worst part was that I couldn't breath because the guys were so heavy. I'm a girl by the way. So maybe guys are just more sensitive ?

The worst part is that you didn't have the knowledge or self worth to realize that that was assault and that you deserved better. I am sorry that happened to you.

Different poster here. Some individuals with plenty of knowledge and self worth recognize that there is a line between horsing around and major assault.

Some people are capable of shaking off a disorderly incident with a scolding reprimand to the hooligan.

What PP and OP described is not horsing around. Your attitude is why rape culture exists in 2016.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

No. That is nothing the way the law works.

It is now, unfortunately. Educated yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

Exactly this... BUT that also means that they both could end up on sex offender registry!!! This would totally ruin their lives. They would be treated for the rest of their lives as the worst pedophiles. Wouldn't be able to get certain jobs, live within a certain distance from a school, or pick up their own children from daycare!!! "When juveniles are found guilty of sexual misconduct, the sex-offender registry can be a life sentence." Read this article: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/03/14/when-kids-are-accused-of-sex-crimes

From that article:

Something DuBuc had done at the age of ten had caught up with her. Victoria knew the story, which DuBuc described as “play-acting sex,” in elementary school, with her younger step-siblings. Online browsers would see only the words on the page: “CRIMINAL SEXUAL CONDUCT.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

The other thing is, you CAN'T consent until the age of 16 or even 18, depending on state law. So if you made out with your boyfriend with heavy petting but were under the age of consent, even if you both wanted to be there, you are both breaking the law and are both subject to prosecution.

So I imagine there are several smug posters on here who are clueless to the fact that yes, according to the law, they themselves are molesters.

No. That is nothing the way the law works.

Wrong! From the article:

In Fayetteville, North Carolina, a sixteen-year-old girl faced multiple felony charges for “sexting” a picture of herself to her boyfriend. According to the county sheriff’s warrant, she was both the adult perpetrator of the crime at hand—“sexual exploitation of a minor”—and its child victim. Her boyfriend faced similar charges.

[Anonymous]

More horror stories:

In Charla Roberts’s living room, not far from Paris, Texas, I learned how, at the age of ten, Roberts had pulled down the pants of a male classmate at her public elementary school. She was prosecuted for “indecency with a child,” and added to the state’s online offender database for the next ten years. The terms of her probation barred her from leaving her mother’s house after six in the evening, leaving the county, or living in proximity to “minor children,” which ruled out most apartments. When I spoke to the victim, he was shocked to learn of Roberts’s fate. He described the playground offense as an act of “public humiliation, instead of a sexual act”—a hurtful prank, but hardly a sex crime. Roberts can still be found on a commercial database online, her photo featured below a banner that reads, “PROTECT YOUR CHILD FROM SEX OFFENDERS.”

[jsteele]

Apparently the OP has finished with this thread and given its sensitive nature, I'm going to lock it.