My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think it's the end of the world. Especially since your DS was asleep. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody's clothes came off so let's take a breath and not start to quickly on a course that could potentially cause your kid more harm. The way you explained it, the child made a pass at your son, but I am not hearing he held your kid down and forced himself or forced your kid to do something. I am only approaching this from this angle because we don't want to do more psychological harm to your son by blowing this to Siberia. I hope there's a psychologist on here that can help come your nerves so you can process this in a measured form. BTW, if it was me, I would want to talk to my son first and find out all the facts and how he feels.

This. Sane, balanced advice. Please heed.

THIS!!!

In this trigger(warning)-happy society ready to blow any teenage transgression totally out of proportion, I plead with you, talk to your son first. Ask him how he feels. Does he want to talk to a counselor? Call a local sexual crisis line? Is he traumatized by someone else touching his balls? Ask him how HE feels about it without telling him he should feel certain way. I by no means think that this incident is excusable, but it could have been less grave or malicious as you seem to think. It could have been a pass by someone who has a crush on you son, it could have been a prank, a bet, etc. Also, don't forget that we have overzealous sex offender laws which often ruin people's lives.

Exactly. And what's to stop the perpetrator from accusing your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

[Anonymous]

Someone should ask Jeff to check this thread to see if it's one or two posters who keep minimizing the assault, and warning against reporting it to the proper authorities (the police).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone should ask Jeff to check this thread to see if it's one or two posters who keep minimizing the assault, and warning against reporting it to the proper authorities (the police).

You don't like our opinion, so you run to Jeff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Good thing no one cares what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

I am PP, and I had this done to me (I wasn't asleep, I was at a concert). I just got out of the way. I just consider it someone being a jerk and making an ill-advised pass. Since they didn't pursue it, no need to make a federal case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the first PP who responded -- sexual abuse survivor.

Your son sounds remarkably strong and level headed. I'm impressed that he reported the assault -- that alone will go a long way toward helping him move forward confidently. I wish I had had his courage when it happened to me.

Again, my advice is to follow his lead. He is the one who fully understands what happened and the threat this other boy poses. He certainly seems to think the boy is capable of doing it again, and he feels a responsibility to do something about that. It's truly impressive.

If he wants to report it to the cops, I would not stop him. I would try to manage his expectations -- there is every chance the police will downplay this and not take any action. Your son needs to feel he did everything he could simply by reporting the assault -- even if the other boy does not receive the full punishment your son believes he deserves.

Thank you from OP. I'm sorry for what you went through. Did you ever report it?

[Anonymous]

Just want to say, OP, I think your son is outstanding. You done good. Follow his lead, but I'd still chat with a trusted attorney. Your son may also like to talk with the attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody's clothes came off so let's take a breath and not start to quickly on a course that could potentially cause your kid more harm. The way you explained it, the child made a pass at your son, but I am not hearing he held your kid down and forced himself or forced your kid to do something. I am only approaching this from this angle because we don't want to do more psychological harm to your son by blowing this to Siberia. I hope there's a psychologist on here that can help come your nerves so you can process this in a measured form. BTW, if it was me, I would want to talk to my son first and find out all the facts and how he feels.

What a way to minimize the situation.

Yeah, if it were a girl I doubt you would say that. The victim was asleep and didn't give consent.

Op, good luck to you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Is that what you told the judge?

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the posters who said to take a breath. I only posted once. I sincerely think it's not a big deal. If it were a teacher who did it, that would be different. It's a peer. Two teenagers. Your son was asleep. It will not harm your son in any way.