My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be so proud of your son for making the report.

Having been through something similar with my DD, I would note that the issue of whether to report to the police might not be entirely up to OP and her family. In our case, the school called in the police almost immediately after getting the word from legal that they had to do so. The police then interviewed my DD a few times over the next few weeks, with a view toward compiling materials that would be used by the state's attorney to decide whether to prosecute. Ultimately, things were left open-ended: no immediate charges, but the possibility of bringing them until the statute of limitations runs out.

This is a good point- next steps may not be up to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be so proud of your son for making the report.

Having been through something similar with my DD, I would note that the issue of whether to report to the police might not be entirely up to OP and her family. In our case, the school called in the police almost immediately after getting the word from legal that they had to do so. The police then interviewed my DD a few times over the next few weeks, with a view toward compiling materials that would be used by the state's attorney to decide whether to prosecute. Ultimately, things were left open-ended: no immediate charges, but the possibility of bringing them until the statute of limitations runs out.

Precisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

....Silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

Exactly. If there's zero report, no one will ever know the pattern of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

+1000
I was thinking the same thing. Things look mighty different when it's your own child who's made the mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

+1000
I was thinking the same thing. Things look mighty different when it's your own child who's made the mistake.

Nope. Some parents actually have a spine. Check out the "My child tells me he hates me" thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Bingo. Perhaps we have a molester on this thread who is afraid of exactly that. I wouldn't be at all surprised considering his constant posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

Nice tale, but please try harder next time, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Why isn't this molestation? If I woke up to realize a colleague on a work trip had been fondling my vagina over my clothes I would feel completely violated. I suppose it's fine for those of you who have had similar experiences to say it was no big deal, but I really don't think you get to decide what is a big deal for someone else. Not to mention, these things have legal definitions, it's not just your opinion. I don't have the time to look up the definition of sexual assault in my state but I'm positive there is no requirement that there be penetration or clothes off. You guys are sick and the worst part is that many of you have kids and will therefore be passing these values along to them.

+1,000,000

I'm assuming your co-worker is an adult with a fully developed brain, right? Unlike this teen's brain, that is still under construction. I am sickened by so many people willing to ruin a kid's life without more details. Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? Is he some pervo preying on the weak? If yes, fine. But you witch-hunters don't know any of these answers and are ready to put him away for life. God help you if your kid ever makes a mistake.

Any idea how many sexual assault "mistakes" you've made so far?

Not the PP, but I'll bite. I'm female and when I was a young and stupid high schooler, I groped a guy's butt. I had a crush on him and was drunk at a party and I.groped.his.butt. While trying to kiss him, even. There, I said it. Unfortunately, it was an unrequited crush, but he was gracious enough to not make a big deal out of it. And imagine! He didn't even report me. He just... let it go. I'm embarrassed every time I think back to that night, but also grateful that the guy was a rational human being who didn't hang me out to dry just because I made a really dumb and crude pass at him.

Too bad there aren't many rational human beings present here on this thread. But for those who are, I salute you. Thank you for recognizing that life is indeed not all black or white.

NP. Was the guy--in your story-- asleep?
If not, nice story.

I'm with the "report it" folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

Simple Definition of molest

: to harm (someone) through sexual contact : to touch (someone) in a sexual and improper way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

What if the police are contacted and an investigation find out the boy is molested at home and thinks this is normal.

If you don't report he continues to be raped at home.

Whaaaaaa?? That's quite a leap, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it was assault, because it happened without consent- but can we agree that there is an order of magnitude?

I am (another) woman in her forties. I have friends who have been raped, intimidated, and in positions where they were concerned for their immediate safety. A lot of women my age remember how these things happened and were nearly impossible to report or prosecute.

I don't agree with people minimizing what happened, but I would be thoughtful about whether I think the other boy should pay for it for the rest of his life. These are both teenagers.

I agree with your first sentence. I don't know whether they should report it or not; it's a personal decision. However, making a report does not mean the boy pays for it for the rest of his life. It starts an investigation, it isn't a conviction.

Exactly. If there's zero report, no one will ever know the pattern of sexual assault.

I'm the PP and as someone stated- it may not be up to the family. The school may be required to report it to the police. There's no "winning" argument here-obviously people see it differently. I see it as assault and abuse, but would not insult my friend who was raped by three guys at a frat party 25 years by treating it as a similar level of trauma.