My son was molested on a school field trip. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, out of curiousity, those who are advocating sweeping it under the rug, if the other kid took OP's son's wallet out of his pocket while he was sleeping, and stole A few hundred dollars out of it, or stole his iPhone, or if the other kid beat him gave him two black eyes while he was sleeping, would you still be saying not to do anything?

So all your talk about grey areas are doing NOTHING, other than perpetuating a culture that allows for sexual crimes to be culturally okay. Kid? Natural curiousity. Date? Well, they consented by being on a date. spouse? Well, he'll, they're married. Pedophiles? Well, maybe child misunderstood when adult was doing xyz.

What's sad is you'd probably be screaming to prosecute to any extent to the law if it was a beating, a theft. But, because sexual assault victims are supposed to doubt their own position in the crime, you point fingers the wrong way. A crime is still a crime.

You do realize that a boy was recently held down and raped by several teammates on a school trip to an away basketball game and no one noticed until he passed out the next day and had to be rushed into surgery for a ruptured bladder? Makes it kind of hard to feel the horror of what the OP described. It's akin to going to the movies and having the guy fake-yawn-and-stretch and end up with his arm over your shoulder in comparison. I would not compare it ot beating someone and giving them two black eyes while he is sleeping. Get a grip on yourself. If OP and her DS can't handle this incident without going off the rails, then thank God she has a son and not a daughter.

+100
This is the best post yet on this pathetic thread. The horrific sexual assaults that actually occur make it very, very difficult to take the groping on the bus terribly seriously. Unwanted? Sure. Criminal? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone should ask Jeff to check this thread to see if it's one or two posters who keep minimizing the assault, and warning against reporting it to the proper authorities (the police).

You don't like our opinion, so you run to Jeff?

If your "opinion" is that this wasn't an assault,
let's make it clear just for you.

--- Legal Definition of Sexual Assault ---
Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact
or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent
of the recipient.
- US Department of Justice

For those of you who don't know what is sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

NP here. This happened to me as a high schooler, exactly as it happened to OP's son. On a bus, over the clothes, while I was asleep. I'm female and it was a guy sitting next to me who did it. I woke up, pretended to still be asleep, and changed positions. While I was grossed out, I by NO MEANS considered this sexual "assault". Unwanted touching? Sure. But to say this guy "assaulted" me is outrageous. He was definitely way out of bounds, but I didn't need to report him and ruin his life. Good grief.

It was sexual assault. You wouldn't ruin his life. He did that when he touched you. Put responsibility where it belongs.

Many people feel that it's not worth ruining a life over. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the media doesn't ever care about this sort of thing. Sorry.

Seriously! That someone would actually think this would even be a "story" is pathetic. Kid groped by other kid. End of story. The fact that some of you are insisting OP report this to police (!) is about as over-the-top as they come. If anything, talk to the other kid and maybe his parents, but leave it at that.

Of course this is not a "news" story. No one "insisted" anything, so get a grip.

Some thought Tailhook was a bunch of nothing. Bet that was you, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

NP here. This happened to me as a high schooler, exactly as it happened to OP's son. On a bus, over the clothes, while I was asleep. I'm female and it was a guy sitting next to me who did it. I woke up, pretended to still be asleep, and changed positions. While I was grossed out, I by NO MEANS considered this sexual "assault". Unwanted touching? Sure. But to say this guy "assaulted" me is outrageous. He was definitely way out of bounds, but I didn't need to report him and ruin his life. Good grief.

It was sexual assault. You wouldn't ruin his life. He did that when he touched you. Put responsibility where it belongs.

Draconian much? I'm the PP and it very much *wasn't* assault. I wasn't a victim, merely annoyed and grossed out. I didn't need to report him to make myself feel better, because I didn't feel bad about myself in the first place. I barely gave it a second thought afterwards.

I wonder if you've ever had any actual trauma in your life. You seem to enjoy magnifying events in order to make them seem traumatic. Do you thrive on drama?

[Anonymous]

Each victim of sexual assault is entitled to his/her OWN response to what happened.

There is no way for another person to do that.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the media doesn't ever care about this sort of thing. Sorry.

Seriously! That someone would actually think this would even be a "story" is pathetic. Kid groped by other kid. End of story. The fact that some of you are insisting OP report this to police (!) is about as over-the-top as they come. If anything, talk to the other kid and maybe his parents, but leave it at that.

Of course this is not a "news" story. No one "insisted" anything, so get a grip.

Some thought Tailhook was a bunch of nothing. Bet that was you, huh?

Several posters have indeed insisted the OP report this incident to the police. Interesting that you would backtrack now that other PPs have called you people out for gross overreaction.

You sound completely off-the-rails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

Have you no clue how many "silly pranks" result in a dead kid?

Since when should a criminal "silly prank" not have serious consequences? Sexual assault is sexual assault. Because some are certainly worse than others, not every sexual assault gets the same punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the media doesn't ever care about this sort of thing. Sorry.

Seriously! That someone would actually think this would even be a "story" is pathetic. Kid groped by other kid. End of story. The fact that some of you are insisting OP report this to police (!) is about as over-the-top as they come. If anything, talk to the other kid and maybe his parents, but leave it at that.

Of course this is not a "news" story. No one "insisted" anything, so get a grip.

Some thought Tailhook was a bunch of nothing. Bet that was you, huh?

Several posters have indeed insisted the OP report this incident to the police. Interesting that you would backtrack now that other PPs have called you people out for gross overreaction.

You sound completely off-the-rails.

Insisted? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

NP here. This happened to me as a high schooler, exactly as it happened to OP's son. On a bus, over the clothes, while I was asleep. I'm female and it was a guy sitting next to me who did it. I woke up, pretended to still be asleep, and changed positions. While I was grossed out, I by NO MEANS considered this sexual "assault". Unwanted touching? Sure. But to say this guy "assaulted" me is outrageous. He was definitely way out of bounds, but I didn't need to report him and ruin his life. Good grief.

It was sexual assault. You wouldn't ruin his life. He did that when he touched you. Put responsibility where it belongs.

Draconian much? I'm the PP and it very much *wasn't* assault. I wasn't a victim, merely annoyed and grossed out. I didn't need to report him to make myself feel better, because I didn't feel bad about myself in the first place. I barely gave it a second thought afterwards.

I wonder if you've ever had any actual trauma in your life. You seem to enjoy magnifying events in order to make them seem traumatic. Do you thrive on drama?

It's legally assault whether you like it or not. I was taking more issue with your distorted thinking that you were responsible for someone else's welfare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Prove it.

This is going to be a he said, he said situation. I'd get my child counseling, but leave it alone otherwise.

I would not involve police. That could spiral out of control quickly.

Sexual assault is usually A said, B said. Still good to make a report and get a case number. Why not?

Because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. And once it goes public, the blowback on the accuser can be intense. You can divide a whole high school.

Without any witnesses, it's just not provable.

A molehill? That's how you think of sexual assault?

I don't consider it sexual assault.

Would it be sexual assualt if it a female student was having her genitals rubbed while she was asleep?

NP here. This happened to me as a high schooler, exactly as it happened to OP's son. On a bus, over the clothes, while I was asleep. I'm female and it was a guy sitting next to me who did it. I woke up, pretended to still be asleep, and changed positions. While I was grossed out, I by NO MEANS considered this sexual "assault". Unwanted touching? Sure. But to say this guy "assaulted" me is outrageous. He was definitely way out of bounds, but I didn't need to report him and ruin his life. Good grief.

It was sexual assault. You wouldn't ruin his life. He did that when he touched you. Put responsibility where it belongs.

Draconian much? I'm the PP and it very much *wasn't* assault. I wasn't a victim, merely annoyed and grossed out. I didn't need to report him to make myself feel better, because I didn't feel bad about myself in the first place. I barely gave it a second thought afterwards.

I wonder if you've ever had any actual trauma in your life. You seem to enjoy magnifying events in order to make them seem traumatic. Do you thrive on drama?

It's legally assault whether you like it or not. I was taking more issue with your distorted thinking that you were responsible for someone else's welfare.

It's very telling that you fancy yourself the arbiter of what other people should feel and/or do about incidents which have nothing to do with you. Pretty clear you're one of those people who "is always right."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry your son felt violated and embarrassed. But I think calling this a molestation is a slap in the face to anyone who has been screwed by their uncle.

Would you or your son feel differently if it had been a girl instead of another boy?

Do you know what the intent of the other kid was? What if it was a (really, really stupid) joke where boys were trying to see if they could get your son aroused in his sleep? It's possible this was in the same vein as drawing a sharpie marker mustache, or putting shaving cream on him. It might be a silly prank gone wrong.

This is what they said when they compared date rape to stranger-violent-rape. In fact, Whoopi Goldberg said re Roman Polansky that it wasn't "Rape rape". They can both be molestation.

Except there is NO RAPE here. Nor molestation. Just touching over clothes.

Hello. It's legally called S-E-X-U-A-L
A-S-S-U-A-L-T.
Clear?