Forum Index
»
Tweens and Teens
|
I don't have all the details; the school just called. They are both high schoolers. Apparently the other boy felt him up outside his pants when he was asleep. I'm stunned. All allude to legal action we could take, but didn't give specifics. We have a meeting with school officials soon.
I don't even know if or how to discuss it with his siblings. Has anyone else out there had to deal with this? |
|
What does your son say? Given his age, he has a right to decide what happens next, who you tell, how and when.
I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. There is great shame in being a victim (even though there shouldn't be). I expect your son will desperately want everyone to stop talking about this and move on. You don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it is. There are degrees of molestation, and if this is a one time thing and it happened as you describe, you don't want his life to be defined by it. It's important to get the facts. It could be more of a hazing/bullying situation than actual molestation. Could your son have been targeted because he is perceived as gay or is out? What was his relationship with the other boy prior to this incident? I feel for you, OP. I know this is hard to hear. But please keep your response balanced and follow your son's lead. |
| I don't have any advice but just want to say I'm sorry your family is dealing with this and hope you find a resolution. |
| Get your son to someone he can talk to asap. Rain for example can give you info on hotlines etc so he can speak to a male or whoever he feels more comfortable with. Legal action may only make it worse. Make sure the person is gone from his life. He should not share rid with the wrong people so that they may tell too many people. First step: find someone for him to talk to and process this. I am an abuse survivor. The shame comes later and it's really hard. |
+1 |
+1000 Very sensitive post. |
I think you need to get all of the facts. I agree with the poster who said that he may need to get some counseling. There are a lot of factors that could influence how traumatized he is by the situation. I wouldn't be worrying about sharing this with his siblings right now- he may not want you to do that and it's his decision. |
|
Personally, I'd call the police and at the very least, report it.
Talk to your child, see how he feels. Call a local sexual crisis line (they're not "just for women") and see what resources are available. Do not let the school decide for you as far as what you will do legally. If they didn't do their due diligence, or whatever, that's not your problem. Your child was assaulted. It's not about paying. It's about recognizing that he is a victim. To counter PP, hazing and bulling ARE molestation, and it's not okay. Just because he is gay or perceived to be does not make it okay. Because he is black/white/Hispanic/plaid and likes both boys and girls does not make it okay. It is molestation. It is sexual assault. Yes, there are "degrees", but those are int eh eyes of the law AND NONE ARE OKAY. |
|
At our elementary school a couple of years back the 5th grade boys used to do this to each other. I remember boys in my class in elementary school used to do this to each other too - grabbing balls. My son's ES put a stop to it, my school didn't - a question of generation. Not a big deal either way. Now at the high school level, kids should know better!!! I agree you need to know more about this other boy, what interaction he has had with your child prior to this incident, who witnessed it, etc... I don't think any high school victim would want to make this into a big deal, but there's also the perpetrator to think about - he needs to be made to understand that this is not acceptable, otherwise he might just continue, with other victims, in other places. |
| If you are in Montgomery County, they have VASAP - good program. http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhs-program/BHCS/VASAP/VASAPVolDon.html |
| Nobody's clothes came off so let's take a breath and not start to quickly on a course that could potentially cause your kid more harm. The way you explained it, the child made a pass at your son, but I am not hearing he held your kid down and forced himself or forced your kid to do something. I am only approaching this from this angle because we don't want to do more psychological harm to your son by blowing this to Siberia. I hope there's a psychologist on here that can help come your nerves so you can process this in a measured form. BTW, if it was me, I would want to talk to my son first and find out all the facts and how he feels. |
This. Sane, balanced advice. Please heed. |
+1,00000000 |
What a way to minimize the situation. |
This! All of this! So sorry, OP. |