Marrying a man with no means...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only person who should marry a person of no means is one who is happy to live on love and little else, or is her(him)self very ambitious and willing to hustle for the fun money.

You cannot marry someone barely getting by and dream of being provided luxuries, vacations, children, staying home, and a comfortable retirement.

Kid is only 28. Why won't his income rise. By 30 he'll certainly be making at least 100k. Maybe more. By 40 that might be higher.

It sounds like no matter how much he makes, the kid will never have money. Some people are not wired that way. They win a lottery and file for bankruptcy three years later.

OP, I think you answered your question by saying you don't want to have to survive. He is what he is. You either accept survival as a permanent strategy in your life, or you choose differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

My Bf and I did the math last night and after he pays the bills, rent and his loans, transportation costs and groceries including budgeting for $60 for lunches each week, he has about $600 of his paycheck that should be left over for him to save. So far, he does not manage to save it so we talked about buckling down and making sure we save at least $500 of it. Since he covers all the essential costs my paycheck of 3300ish per month should go to being saved.

I think together we'll be okay. We aren't managing our money well. I also need him to earn more before we have children since, if I stay home, we won't have any of my income for extra expenses.

you are as clueless as he is. You are not staying home OP. Not unless you want to completely destroy the only safety net your kids will have. Is he factoring in supporting his family till they die. Oh to be young and dumb again. Your resentment is going to build up slowly over time. And do NOT LIVE with him. I can't believe how many women fall for that trap. You don't need to live with someone to know their core values. In fact, couples who live together have a higher divorce rate because once they move int they tend to just drift into marriage as the "next step" and then moving out seems to hard even though they know the relationship needs to end. Holy cow, again I am soooooo happy I did not marry any of these clowns in my 20s. I am happily married now to a guy for five years and we have a kid and have never ever had one disagreement or stress about money. We are on the same page, he is responsbile and I could stay home if I wanted to but I dont want that. Husband has enough pride to want to provide for his family. Please don't sugar this, I don't care how in love you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine supporting a MIL who never wanted to work and didn't work for a decade after kids left the house.

This is OP. This is how I feel. She is very entitled and refuses to go work as she thinks it is beneath her. He also has a sister who loves to mooch off her brother for bonus money.

Jesus, do we share in laws? Run, honey, run. Especially if you, yourself, are not motivated or able to make money. DH and I were broke when we got together. Five years later, I am making upwards of 400k and his earnings are even lower than before we met. I am fine with taking care of him, but his lazy, good for nothing mother and sisters have designs on our money and being taken care of now that his father is getting on in years and is suffering from poor financial decisions. Beating these mooches off is a full time job in itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:budgeting for $60 for lunches each week

Are you joking??? What a waste of money. I spend max of $12.50/week on lunches.

You two are classic DC--academically intelligent, yet with heads shoved firmly up asses.

erm lunch in DC cost $8 to $12

Unless you eat Ramens. Every day. And drink kool-aid. Red flavor, to make it a true meal of change champions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

Sounds like a great life!! If this is the plan, get started on the exam process. Marry him once he's on track for Foreign Service. Marry him twice!

Flag: no ambition.

His degree is much more valuable if he can be flexible in how he builds international experience. It's one thing to read about it - another thing to experience it.

You've been forewarned op don't come back here crying in the finance forum later after you have to return to work postpartum and your mil still is rising your back for money.
I wish. He does not want to join the FS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said it's not that he's poor, it's that his few resources are being sucked away by his family. If that is OK with you and you are willing to have less (one or no kids and so on) or work harder so you can have more as a couple, then go for it.

In all fairness there is no way OP can look into the future and truly comprehend the gravity and implications of this type of decision. It will mean so much more when you're older OP, and the desires that you have now to marry are really giving you a skewed view on the long term value of this. Even though it is hard to start a new relationship when there is nothing horrible hat had happened, love yourself and your future children enough to commit to a man whose family won't threaten their financial security, your potential happiness with their father, and the choices and resources you want them to grow up with.

There are many great men out there. Tell your good man to wise up and act right or you're going to get to stepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Unless you eat Ramens. Every day. And drink kool-aid. Red flavor, to make it a true meal of change champions.

I don't eat ramen for lunch and I certainly don't drink kool-aid, you classless POS. But what I also certainly don't do is overspend by $10 per day or $2300 per year on lunch because I pathetically bleat to DCUM about how my nutless BF is paying $12 per day for lunch in DC. Piss off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only person who should marry a person of no means is one who is happy to live on love and little else, or is her(him)self very ambitious and willing to hustle for the fun money.

You cannot marry someone barely getting by and dream of being provided luxuries, vacations, children, staying home, and a comfortable retirement.

Kid is only 28. Why won't his income rise. By 30 he'll certainly be making at least 100k. Maybe more. By 40 that might be higher.

By the time DH was 28 he had a wife, a baby, a mortgage and made $180k. Not everyone is a "kid" at 28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Unless you eat Ramens. Every day. And drink kool-aid. Red flavor, to make it a true meal of change champions.

I don't eat ramen for lunch and I certainly don't drink kool-aid, you classless POS. But what I also certainly don't do is overspend by $10 per day or $2300 per year on lunch because I pathetically bleat to DCUM about how my nutless BF is paying $12 per day for lunch in DC. Piss off.

Too much Red #7 I see. Causes irrational outbursts.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't invest (no pun intended!) any more time with him, especially if you're getting to the point where you are seriously considering settling down. You would not be a good match at all and would have a ton of issues throughout your marriage.

Be smart now before it's too late.

Gl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only person who should marry a person of no means is one who is happy to live on love and little else, or is her(him)self very ambitious and willing to hustle for the fun money.

You cannot marry someone barely getting by and dream of being provided luxuries, vacations, children, staying home, and a comfortable retirement.

Kid is only 28. Why won't his income rise. By 30 he'll certainly be making at least 100k. Maybe more. By 40 that might be higher.

By the time DH was 28 he had a wife, a baby, a mortgage and made $180k. Not everyone is a "kid" at 28.

Damn. When did you get married?