Marrying a man with no means...

[Anonymous]

DCUM-ers amuse me; is there anything wrong with marrying a man knowing he is pretty much penniless?

My fiance just turned 28 and he is 100k in graduate school debt, earns 75k and also financially supports his broke parents. As such, he has no savings, hasn't even started a 401k and yet is not concerned about his financial situation. I earn 50k and have a 401k but no savings either. We love each other very much and are otherwise a perfect pair. I have always been pretty careless about money and do not envision myself in a high stress high paid career. In the back of my mind I always thought my dh would eventually support us. In marrying my DH, our current finances do not paint a very rosy picture of our future. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I'd be more concerned that he's supporting his parents at 28. Aren't they in their 50s/early 60s with many more years of work left that they can still do?

I think it's best to marry someone as long as you're on the same page regarding finances. And you both seem penniless and not financially savvy.

[Anonymous]

You both need to grow up regarding how to manage money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned that he's supporting his parents at 28. Aren't they in their 50s/early 60s with many more years of work left that they can still do?

I think it's best to marry someone as long as you're on the same page regarding finances. And you both seem penniless and not financially savvy.

This is OP. His mother is a SAHM and his father made some bad investments so they are now broke.

[Anonymous]

What sort of grad school did he go to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned that he's supporting his parents at 28. Aren't they in their 50s/early 60s with many more years of work left that they can still do?

I think it's best to marry someone as long as you're on the same page regarding finances. And you both seem penniless and not financially savvy.

This is OP. His mother is a SAHM and his father made some bad investments so they are now broke.

Ok but they could be out there working. A 28 year old man is just starting out in life and needs to be able to save for a house, kids and his own retirement. I wouldn't be okay with them mooching just because the wife doesn't want to work. You're not a SAHM when you don't have kids anymore.

[Anonymous]

Run

[Anonymous]

It could be the making of both of you! Joined, you'll make different decisions about money and your careers.

Or, it could be the decision you look back on and hate yourself for.

Eyes wide open, OP! What are the plans you guys can put in place to build a comfortable life for yourselves?

[Anonymous]

Yea. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM-ers amuse me; is there anything wrong with marrying a man knowing he is pretty much penniless?

My fiance just turned 28 and he is 100k in graduate school debt, earns 75k and also financially supports his broke parents. As such, he has no savings, hasn't even started a 401k and yet is not concerned about his financial situation. I earn 50k and have a 401k but no savings either. We love each other very much and are otherwise a perfect pair. I have always been pretty careless about money and do not envision myself in a high stress high paid career. In the back of my mind I always thought my dh would eventually support us. In marrying my DH, our current finances do not paint a very rosy picture of our future. WWYD?

Correction - you are both penniless and he could ask the same question about you. Are you in the DC area? You may want to think about moving somewhere where your money will stretch farther. He won't be able to support you, so if you are okay with letting that go, marry the guy. Just be aware of that going in. You will need to work your whole life, pay off his debt, and support his parents. He comes with the whole package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM-ers amuse me; is there anything wrong with marrying a man knowing he is pretty much penniless?

My fiance just turned 28 and he is 100k in graduate school debt, earns 75k and also financially supports his broke parents. As such, he has no savings, hasn't even started a 401k and yet is not concerned about his financial situation. I earn 50k and have a 401k but no savings either. We love each other very much and are otherwise a perfect pair. I have always been pretty careless about money and do not envision myself in a high stress high paid career. In the back of my mind I always thought my dh would eventually support us. In marrying my DH, our current finances do not paint a very rosy picture of our future. WWYD?

I'd be very worried that he is not yet concerned about his finances and is still supporting his parents. That will likely only get worse. I totally understand as I come from a poor family myself. Once you have kids and a big chunk of his paycheck is still going to his parents instead of your children, you will resent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned that he's supporting his parents at 28. Aren't they in their 50s/early 60s with many more years of work left that they can still do?

I think it's best to marry someone as long as you're on the same page regarding finances. And you both seem penniless and not financially savvy.

This is OP. His mother is a SAHM and his father made some bad investments so they are now broke.

OP you seem to want a pat on the back or validation for your choice.

I expected this thread to be more critical and clicked with the intention to defend the man with no means. I think a lot of people believe in marrying primarily for love and personality, you aren't that special in that regard. I do think that the financial sitution you describe will have periods of extreme difficulty in your future. The day you have to choose between groceries for the in laws and groceries for your children may or may not arise but that would be a pretty hard day.

I think as long as you and he are on the same page then thats great. Is that what you want to hear? A stranger on the internet says they think it sounds like your relationship is just fine.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine supporting a MIL who never wanted to work and didn't work for a decade after kids left the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine supporting a MIL who never wanted to work and didn't work for a decade after kids left the house.

This is OP. This is how I feel. She is very entitled and refuses to go work as she thinks it is beneath her. He also has a sister who loves to mooch off her brother for bonus money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine supporting a MIL who never wanted to work and didn't work for a decade after kids left the house.

This is OP. This is how I feel. She is very entitled and refuses to go work as she thinks it is beneath her. He also has a sister who loves to mooch off her brother for bonus money.

Yeah, nope. You might love him but F*CK this noise!