Marrying a man with no means...

[Anonymous]

Just live with him for now. You'll have time to understand more about how much help he gives his parents, since this is something that can cause a lot of conflict down the road.

I feel like an alien here, because lots of us marry and live on much less than you two make, and never have prospects to make much more. And we have children. We tend to have to rent, live much farther out, get by with one car and live paycheck to paycheck. Aside from the lack of money and security, we can be very happy. It's good to know about yourself exactly what you value most in life, and whether a good man you're in love with is enough, or if you need more money to be happy. You're doing both him and yourself a favor by understanding this about yourself before marrying.

[Anonymous]

As others have said it's not that he's poor, it's that his few resources are being sucked away by his family. If that is OK with you and you are willing to have less (one or no kids and so on) or work harder so you can have more as a couple, then go for it.

[Anonymous]

I would sit down and work out plans on how both of you tackle the debts, then see if it's something you can live with. Be firm for things you not approved off. 5 years plan. It's OK for him to spend money to his family now, but once you are married, make sure at what threshold of money mooching is comfortable for you.

Max your retirement as the money is totally yours. Do not use your savings for his family. Going forward, just use your salary to plan your budget together, see if it works to live together, get married, have kids etc.

Love is great but bad financial planning is not. For what it worth, love yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run

this. Don't be a fool. the number one thing couples fight about and split up over is MONEY. its not about being rich, its about being smart and responsbile. If he is supporting them now he will be supporting them till they die. Why doesn't his mom get a job? Even if its just minimum wage. so lazy. 100k in loans is horrible and shows some questionable judgement unless he got a medical degree. This all seems ok now OP because you are in love. Give it three more years and you are in your 30s and all your friend are biuying houses, having kids, going on vacations and you now supporting this guy AND his family. Just a reality check. If you want a kid, goo dchild care cost about 1700/month. Who is paying for that? Or is is lazy mom gonna take care of your kid. I can't tell you how fast you need to tun but get out now. Been there and done that. So glad I did not marry any of those "Projects" in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

This is OP. I love that my bf is an intellectual and is incredibly knowledgeable about the middle east. I think he simply followed his interests after getting his B.A. in history. I do feel that he should've taken out loans to obtain a more lucrative degree. He does not want to further his education anymore as he says he is already 100k in debt. I wish from Georgetown he had gone on to a lucrative field such as management consulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

Sounds like a great life!! If this is the plan, get started on the exam process. Marry him once he's on track for Foreign Service. Marry him twice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

Sounds like a great life!! If this is the plan, get started on the exam process. Marry him once he's on track for Foreign Service. Marry him twice!

I wish. He does not want to join the FS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?

Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.

This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.

He's got some champagne taste for someone without a safety net. I don't think he's all that savvy in how he's handled his grad school - IR degree is 75k?? Don't see much in returns. Maybe he can go FS and you all can have a lower cost of living. Just can't live in the U.S.

Sounds like a great life!! If this is the plan, get started on the exam process. Marry him once he's on track for Foreign Service. Marry him twice!

I wish. He does not want to join the FS.

Agree with those who suggest living together for a while before marrying, so you can get a sense of the full financial picture. The situation may not be a big deal for you, or might be. You'll know once you live with it day to day.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.

My Bf and I did the math last night and after he pays the bills, rent and his loans, transportation costs and groceries including budgeting for $60 for lunches each week, he has about $600 of his paycheck that should be left over for him to save. So far, he does not manage to save it so we talked about buckling down and making sure we save at least $500 of it. Since he covers all the essential costs my paycheck of 3300ish per month should go to being saved.

I think together we'll be okay. We aren't managing our money well. I also need him to earn more before we have children since, if I stay home, we won't have any of my income for extra expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

My Bf and I did the math last night and after he pays the bills, rent and his loans, transportation costs and groceries including budgeting for $60 for lunches each week, he has about $600 of his paycheck that should be left over for him to save. So far, he does not manage to save it so we talked about buckling down and making sure we save at least $500 of it. Since he covers all the essential costs my paycheck of 3300ish per month should go to being saved.

I think together we'll be okay. We aren't managing our money well. I also need him to earn more before we have children since, if I stay home, we won't have any of my income for extra expenses.

If you two can save $4k a month why are you here talking about being poor?! Poor is check to check with no safety net. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. I don't know if this is relevant but I grew up in extremely stressful financial circumstances with my parents being irresponsible with their money. My parents always fought about money and stressed about it and we never had enough to have proper meals or even buy clothes. We never went on vacations and any sort of extracurricular activity was a luxury.

I DO NOT want that. I want my children to have everything they want and I want to go on vacations and enjoy like the way I was not able to when I was younger. Whatever happens in my future, I want to ensure I secure a secure financial future for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

My Bf and I did the math last night and after he pays the bills, rent and his loans, transportation costs and groceries including budgeting for $60 for lunches each week, he has about $600 of his paycheck that should be left over for him to save. So far, he does not manage to save it so we talked about buckling down and making sure we save at least $500 of it. Since he covers all the essential costs my paycheck of 3300ish per month should go to being saved.

I think together we'll be okay. We aren't managing our money well. I also need him to earn more before we have children since, if I stay home, we won't have any of my income for extra expenses.

If you two can save $4k a month why are you here talking about being poor?! Poor is check to check with no safety net. Good grief.

OP here. We do not have a safety net though. We have no savings and no parents to bail us out should one of us lose our jobs. We also cannot live on one salary which is concerning to me since I want to take a few years off after having children.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how living together would make things more palatable. He's in debt up to his eyeballs. He is not making much. He supports a stay-at-home MIL. You, on the other hand, want to have children and SAH. These just don't jive. Saving 4K a month sounds nice, but will you be able to do this? How do you know you won't have any unexpected expenses? Being relatively young, will you be able to stick to the bare essentials for a very long time? I mean, you obviously made up your mind, but I think this whole thing is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't answer. Are you the same poster with the future SIL who was crashing your Valentine's Day hotel room?