Why so much hate for the OW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge the OW when a man leaves his wife and children for her. Then she does have some accountability.

Why would a wife want a husband who wants to be with someone else? This is what I don't get. Some women have zero self-worth, then complain that their men don't want them.

I am not clear on OW's accountablity here. All three are adults capable of making their choices.

Except because it's done in secret, only DH and OW actually have free will choices. That's why it's so offensive to me. The wife doesn't get to choose. Yes, I get that the husband and wife have an obligation to treat each other well. This is obvious: if the husband doesn't feel treated well, it's in the OPEN. That is, it's not a secret. He has every right to negotiate better treatment. When is that courtesy extended to DW? It's extended to the OW who can decide and weigh in on getting involved. That's why the OW doesn't quite avoid full responsibility. She is at least afforded the option of choices, with access to the full view (I don't buy getting innocently deceived - if you don't know friends and family and haven't been to his place, you shouldn't be sleeping with him)

Single/available people hook up all the time for flings w/o ever meeting friends, relatives, etc. It just never gets that deep for them even though they have sex. That may not be a choice that you or I would make but that doesn't mean that they are "wrong" for having their fling. But if one of those people lies about their own marital status that is just plain deceptive and wrong. A person might agree to have sex with another single/available person but would never knowingly have sex with a married person. I suppose if the person could betray his/her own spouse it is not that surprising that they could dupe their lover as well. While I think that most affair partners know darned well that they are sleeping with a married/taken person, I can see how some might be duped into believing that their married partner is single.

Actually, I do think it is wrong to have a fling.

Well, they happen. Sometimes you have a strong physical attraction to someone who just plain isn't long term relationship material so you enjoy what you do have together. And if you are both single/available and it's consensual I see nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, do you treat your husband with the same caring and love that you used to do when you were courting?

If you don't then why are you surprised if he chooses to wander to greener pastures?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, do you treat your husband with the same caring and love that you used to do when you were courting?

If you don't then why are you surprised if he chooses to wander to greener pastures?

Ha. Dream on Alice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not her fault your man cheated on you. In fact she's just a physical being that could be anyone. He cheated because he's a selfish ass or because you pushed him away. Most times the ow is just as hurt when the relationship ends. Fix yourself and your relationship.

Because it's easier to hate the OW/OM rather than recognizing that the person who was supposed to love you, cherish you, see you through hard times is a POS who can't keep it in his pants or keep her legs closed.

That said, I don't give affair partners a free pass, yet to me the biggest responsibility is always on the married person.

For me, the above is definitely true. I have a child with my cheating ex, therefore I have to have a relationship with my ex, and for our child's sake it needs to be a civil partnership-if I went full-hate, I wouldn't be able to do what I need to do for my child. So some of my anger for my ex does get focused on the OW.

That said, the OW in my case is a serial cheater, who only leaves relationships by cheating (she's in her late 40s). She thinks she's perfectly fine and it's always her ex's fault that she cheated. Doesn't feel any guilt about the havoc she's caused, because the new relationship is always the "the one." So I hate her for her part in causing havoc in my life and my child's life, I hate her for being a person who hurts other people and doesn't care, and I hate her for being crazy and thinking she's sane. And, yes, I realize that my ex is a complete ass for not seeing how this will all play out in another 5 or 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge the OW when a man leaves his wife and children for her. Then she does have some accountability.

Why would a wife want a husband who wants to be with someone else? This is what I don't get. Some women have zero self-worth, then complain that their men don't want them.

I am not clear on OW's accountablity here. All three are adults capable of making their choices.

Except because it's done in secret, only DH and OW actually have free will choices. That's why it's so offensive to me. The wife doesn't get to choose. Yes, I get that the husband and wife have an obligation to treat each other well. This is obvious: if the husband doesn't feel treated well, it's in the OPEN. That is, it's not a secret. He has every right to negotiate better treatment. When is that courtesy extended to DW? It's extended to the OW who can decide and weigh in on getting involved. That's why the OW doesn't quite avoid full responsibility. She is at least afforded the option of choices, with access to the full view (I don't buy getting innocently deceived - if you don't know friends and family and haven't been to his place, you shouldn't be sleeping with him)

Single/available people hook up all the time for flings w/o ever meeting friends, relatives, etc. It just never gets that deep for them even though they have sex. That may not be a choice that you or I would make but that doesn't mean that they are "wrong" for having their fling. But if one of those people lies about their own marital status that is just plain deceptive and wrong. A person might agree to have sex with another single/available person but would never knowingly have sex with a married person. I suppose if the person could betray his/her own spouse it is not that surprising that they could dupe their lover as well. While I think that most affair partners know darned well that they are sleeping with a married/taken person, I can see how some might be duped into believing that their married partner is single.

Actually, I do think it is wrong to have a fling.

Well, they happen. Sometimes you have a strong physical attraction to someone who just plain isn't long term relationship material so you enjoy what you do have together. And if you are both single/available and it's consensual I see nothing wrong with it.

Then we disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge the OW when a man leaves his wife and children for her. Then she does have some accountability.

Why would a wife want a husband who wants to be with someone else? This is what I don't get. Some women have zero self-worth, then complain that their men don't want them.

I am not clear on OW's accountablity here. All three are adults capable of making their choices.

Except because it's done in secret, only DH and OW actually have free will choices. That's why it's so offensive to me. The wife doesn't get to choose. Yes, I get that the husband and wife have an obligation to treat each other well. This is obvious: if the husband doesn't feel treated well, it's in the OPEN. That is, it's not a secret. He has every right to negotiate better treatment. When is that courtesy extended to DW? It's extended to the OW who can decide and weigh in on getting involved. That's why the OW doesn't quite avoid full responsibility. She is at least afforded the option of choices, with access to the full view (I don't buy getting innocently deceived - if you don't know friends and family and haven't been to his place, you shouldn't be sleeping with him)

Single/available people hook up all the time for flings w/o ever meeting friends, relatives, etc. It just never gets that deep for them even though they have sex. That may not be a choice that you or I would make but that doesn't mean that they are "wrong" for having their fling. But if one of those people lies about their own marital status that is just plain deceptive and wrong. A person might agree to have sex with another single/available person but would never knowingly have sex with a married person. I suppose if the person could betray his/her own spouse it is not that surprising that they could dupe their lover as well. While I think that most affair partners know darned well that they are sleeping with a married/taken person, I can see how some might be duped into believing that their married partner is single.

Actually, I do think it is wrong to have a fling.

Well, they happen. Sometimes you have a strong physical attraction to someone who just plain isn't long term relationship material so you enjoy what you do have together. And if you are both single/available and it's consensual I see nothing wrong with it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not her fault your man cheated on you. In fact she's just a physical being that could be anyone. He cheated because he's a selfish ass or because you pushed him away. Most times the ow is just as hurt when the relationship ends. Fix yourself and your relationship.

I guess I don't need to repeat what hundreds of people have posted here.

There is perhaps nothing more disgusting and pathetic. than a woman who has a sexual affair with a married man, especially one with children. It's so ugly and sad, and they have absolutely no self-esteem or morals or decency. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge the OW when a man leaves his wife and children for her. Then she does have some accountability.

Why would a wife want a husband who wants to be with someone else? This is what I don't get. Some women have zero self-worth, then complain that their men don't want them.

I am not clear on OW's accountablity here. All three are adults capable of making their choices.

Except because it's done in secret, only DH and OW actually have free will choices. That's why it's so offensive to me. The wife doesn't get to choose. Yes, I get that the husband and wife have an obligation to treat each other well. This is obvious: if the husband doesn't feel treated well, it's in the OPEN. That is, it's not a secret. He has every right to negotiate better treatment. When is that courtesy extended to DW? It's extended to the OW who can decide and weigh in on getting involved. That's why the OW doesn't quite avoid full responsibility. She is at least afforded the option of choices, with access to the full view (I don't buy getting innocently deceived - if you don't know friends and family and haven't been to his place, you shouldn't be sleeping with him)

Single/available people hook up all the time for flings w/o ever meeting friends, relatives, etc. It just never gets that deep for them even though they have sex. That may not be a choice that you or I would make but that doesn't mean that they are "wrong" for having their fling. But if one of those people lies about their own marital status that is just plain deceptive and wrong. A person might agree to have sex with another single/available person but would never knowingly have sex with a married person. I suppose if the person could betray his/her own spouse it is not that surprising that they could dupe their lover as well. While I think that most affair partners know darned well that they are sleeping with a married/taken person, I can see how some might be duped into believing that their married partner is single.

Actually, I do think it is wrong to have a fling.

Well, they happen. Sometimes you have a strong physical attraction to someone who just plain isn't long term relationship material so you enjoy what you do have together. And if you are both single/available and it's consensual I see nothing wrong with it.

Then we disagree.

What in the world? Why do you care what single people do with each other when it has nothing to do with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you be disgusted by the behaviors of both? 95% if the time, the other woman is the one posting here. Hence why the responses are directed at her vs him. I think the husband is worse than the other woman, but the OW isn't blameless. You'd think any self respecting woman wouldn't sleep with a married man. And yet they do. If I found out a friend was sleeping with a married man, I'd be disgusted by her choice, think less of her, and end the friendship. Complete lack of morals and sign that someone isn't as nice as you thought. I'd be more disgusted by the guy if I knew him. Both are to blame. Both Aren't good human beings. Just because I may call someone out who posts that they are the OW, that doesn't mean I'm putting all the blame on her.

Shit thing to say. People can and do fail in many different ways in life- we all bleed the same. I realize people are flawed and will sometimes make mistakes, sometimes things hard to forgive, but that doesn't make them any 'less' human'. That says a lot about your character.

I don't condone stepping out by either party and in fact, believe that both cheating men and women are broken looking to fill some need from within. I don't see a problem with the betrayed spouse venting on the OW or OM to get to where they need to be in reconciliation. As a PP said, it's easier to blame them than the one you love even though it is misplaced. Both are to blame.

Nope. She's correct. They are both bad human beings.

And it's not "stepping out," an expression that minimizes cheating and betrayal.

[Anonymous]

I mean, of you want and honest answer, and I'm not about to read 9 pages of this - but it's because it's easier than hating the father of my children? The man I'm trying to work it out with. I don't think she deserves any more punishment or anger than my husband, but one is more convenient than the other and guess what? It's my prerogative and I'll let my shit go wherever it needs to go. She did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, of you want and honest answer, and I'm not about to read 9 pages of this - but it's because it's easier than hating the father of my children? The man I'm trying to work it out with. I don't think she deserves any more punishment or anger than my husband, but one is more convenient than the other and guess what? It's my prerogative and I'll let my shit go wherever it needs to go. She did.

I respect your honesty and your ability to recognize the choice you are making instead of playing moral absolutes. Some emotionally stunted PP's could learn a thing or two from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge the OW when a man leaves his wife and children for her. Then she does have some accountability.

Why would a wife want a husband who wants to be with someone else? This is what I don't get. Some women have zero self-worth, then complain that their men don't want them.

I am not clear on OW's accountablity here. All three are adults capable of making their choices.

Except because it's done in secret, only DH and OW actually have free will choices. That's why it's so offensive to me. The wife doesn't get to choose. Yes, I get that the husband and wife have an obligation to treat each other well. This is obvious: if the husband doesn't feel treated well, it's in the OPEN. That is, it's not a secret. He has every right to negotiate better treatment. When is that courtesy extended to DW? It's extended to the OW who can decide and weigh in on getting involved. That's why the OW doesn't quite avoid full responsibility. She is at least afforded the option of choices, with access to the full view (I don't buy getting innocently deceived - if you don't know friends and family and haven't been to his place, you shouldn't be sleeping with him)

Single/available people hook up all the time for flings w/o ever meeting friends, relatives, etc. It just never gets that deep for them even though they have sex. That may not be a choice that you or I would make but that doesn't mean that they are "wrong" for having their fling. But if one of those people lies about their own marital status that is just plain deceptive and wrong. A person might agree to have sex with another single/available person but would never knowingly have sex with a married person. I suppose if the person could betray his/her own spouse it is not that surprising that they could dupe their lover as well. While I think that most affair partners know darned well that they are sleeping with a married/taken person, I can see how some might be duped into believing that their married partner is single.

Actually, I do think it is wrong to have a fling.

Well, they happen. Sometimes you have a strong physical attraction to someone who just plain isn't long term relationship material so you enjoy what you do have together. And if you are both single/available and it's consensual I see nothing wrong with it.

Then we disagree.

I guess we do disagree then. In my view, if the parties involved are single/available and they are getting together freely with no pretenses of wanting more than a nice time, I actually think that's fairly honest of them. At least they know where they stand, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, do you treat your husband with the same caring and love that you used to do when you were courting?

If you don't then why are you surprised if he chooses to wander to greener pastures?

Courting? Are you a 95 year old?

NO. EXCUSES.

Period, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, do you treat your husband with the same caring and love that you used to do when you were courting?

If you don't then why are you surprised if he chooses to wander to greener pastures?

+1. The OW doesn't owe the wife anything. Keep your own life in order and he won't come wandering over to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not her fault your man cheated on you. In fact she's just a physical being that could be anyone. He cheated because he's a selfish ass or because you pushed him away. Most times the ow is just as hurt when the relationship ends. Fix yourself and your relationship.

I guess I don't need to repeat what hundreds of people have posted here.

There is perhaps nothing more disgusting and pathetic. than a woman who has a sexual affair with a married man, especially one with children. It's so ugly and sad, and they have absolutely no self-esteem or morals or decency. Gross.

You can say it's OMG SO GROSS all you want, but deep down, you're terrified of the OW. You're not disgusted, you're scared.