Why so much hate for the OW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women control sex. If the OW was being a proper gate keeper, none of this would have happened. It's why women give other women such a hard time for dressing provocatively.

So men have no control over their choices? A man has no responsibility for his choice to have sex with this woman as opposed to his wife?

Sure he has choices, and sure he has responsibility. Also too, the cheated upon woman is perfectly capable for hating on both her spouse and the other woman.

That doesn't change the fact that lots of women view their sexuality as an asset they leverage for attention and resources from men. Supply and demand being what it is, they view other women as competition and don't like it when those other women flood the market with available sex and reduce their leverage.

Again, that's why women are such active slut shamers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women control sex. If the OW was being a proper gate keeper, none of this would have happened. It's why women give other women such a hard time for dressing provocatively.

So men have no control over their choices? A man has no responsibility for his choice to have sex with this woman as opposed to his wife?

Sure he has choices, and sure he has responsibility. Also too, the cheated upon woman is perfectly capable for hating on both her spouse and the other woman.

That doesn't change the fact that lots of women view their sexuality as an asset they leverage for attention and resources from men. Supply and demand being what it is, they view other women as competition and don't like it when those other women flood the market with available sex and reduce their leverage.

Again, that's why women are such active slut shamers.

You suggest that most if not all of the burden of harnessing men's sexuality is on women.

I don't agree.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's hate as much as a combo of disgust/contempt. Helping yourself to a married man like that isn't...good class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

Agree generally, but with respect to the marriage specifically, the only ones in the triangle are the husband and wife. If a DH cheats, the betrayal is his, and not the OW's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

Agree generally, but with respect to the marriage specifically, the only ones in the triangle are the husband and wife. If a DH cheats, the betrayal is his, and not the OW's.

That's a cop out. They are both to blame.

[Anonymous]

I agree.

The other woman does not know the wife personally therefore she does not technically "owe" her anything. Respect, integrity, etc.

That is the responsibility of the husband in these types of situations.

The primary reason wives get so mad at the other women is because they have a lot of bottled up anger/emotion that they need to express, + would like to impose it all on their philandering husbands.

But if they are choosing to take the husbands back and work on the marriage, it would be counterproductive to lash out at him.

So they tend to lash out at the other woman and thus, blame her. She becomes an easy scapegoat simply by default.

(Not saying she is innocent by any means.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women here are wives. There is a lot of projection going on. It goes the other way too. Most men would be pissed off at the other guy more than at the cheating wife, because his property rights were infringed on. People are obsessed with possession, I guess.

You have a seriously messed up view of men. Sucks to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

The other woman does not know the wife personally therefore she does not technically "owe" her anything. Respect, integrity, etc.

That is the responsibility of the husband in these types of situations.

The primary reason wives get so mad at the other women is because they have a lot of bottled up anger/emotion that they need to express, + would like to impose it all on their philandering husbands.

But if they are choosing to take the husbands back and work on the marriage, it would be counterproductive to lash out at him.

So they tend to lash out at the other woman and thus, blame her. She becomes an easy scapegoat simply by default.
(Not saying she is innocent by any means.)

This. Its a lot easier to hate the OW - someone you don't know and don't want to know - than to hate your husband, the one you love(d).
I feel sorry for the OW if the man didn't divulge he was married (happened to me), or told her he was seperated (also happened to me).

[Anonymous]

Whoever cheated is the primary culprit. The OW (or man) bears some responsibility, and probably are of poor character, but they are not the primary culprit.

I think it's for evolutionary reasons that people get angrier at the other person. Being so angry that reconciliation is impossible with your spouse probably puts you at an evolutionary disadvantage, especially for women with young children. Evolution seems to favor reconciliation with the cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

Agree generally, but with respect to the marriage specifically, the only ones in the triangle are the husband and wife. If a DH cheats, the betrayal is his, and not the OW's.

That's a cop out. They are both to blame.

If a DH cheats, the betrayal is his. It is he, not the OW, who broke the marriage vows.

Did the OW act ethically? No. Did she betray the wife? No. She has no relationship to the wife, no vows to break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

The other woman does not know the wife personally therefore she does not technically "owe" her anything. Respect, integrity, etc.

That is the responsibility of the husband in these types of situations.

The primary reason wives get so mad at the other women is because they have a lot of bottled up anger/emotion that they need to express, + would like to impose it all on their philandering husbands.

But if they are choosing to take the husbands back and work on the marriage, it would be counterproductive to lash out at him.

So they tend to lash out at the other woman and thus, blame her. She becomes an easy scapegoat simply by default.

(Not saying she is innocent by any means.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank and love the OW. Now he is her problem.

Yeah, baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

The Golden Rule is flawed.

There is no question of integrity when no promises have been made. OW doesn't owe you any respect. It is pointless to expect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

The Golden Rule is flawed.

There is no question of integrity when no promises have been made. OW doesn't owe you any respect. It is pointless to expect it.

Do you know what the Golden Rule is?
Treat others as you'd expect/want to be treated.