When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

op, don't waste your time here. loveshack.net is probably better place for getting serious suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People lose the sex cues and forget how to find their partner attractive. The best cure for that is to let them fuck someone else. Encourage your partner in some extracurricular sex and see what happens. If done honestly, it reinvigorate a marriage.

In truth, if she knows that another woman is after you it might turn her on and reinvigorate her libido. Screwed up but true.

Happened to me...

Was a coworker of his, when we had already started talking divorce. Put on an incredibly sexy dress, hairs, nails, met him at work, took him to dinner then fucked his brains out. No complaints since.

What I wouldn't do for this to happen for me....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your wife a favor... get a divorce and then you can date, have sex with and do what ever you like. If you cheated on me, regardless of the reason, you'd find your stuff packed on the porch and served with divorce papers. No counseling, no looking back. Once you leave the marriage, our marriage is over. No forgiveness here. If you have an affair, you are not being a "good" husband or father. You are the scum of the earth. Just be prepared for the outcome being huge attorney bills, lots of child support, seeing your kids every other weekend and your marriage over with a very bitter ex-wife.

If you were my wife I would refuse to leave and make your life so awful that you would leave. I would make you go insane then you pay me child support because I would never let your psyco ass even speak to your children ever again. If I had to I would hire someone to take care of you .

Op have an affair, go have fun

[Anonymous]

OP here, per comment above, we had the talk last night instead of during date night. Date night tonight. We will see if things improve. Very interesting perspective from DW. Thanks for suggestions.

[Anonymous]

But what happened????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, per comment above, we had the talk last night instead of during date night. Date night tonight. We will see if things improve. Very interesting perspective from DW. Thanks for suggestions.

What did you say and how did she react?

[Anonymous]

For better or for worse. That is the vow. Life with small children is extremely challenging. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse. That is the vow. Life with small children is extremely challenging. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

The problem is life is way more busy and complicated than it was for our parents. People have more sexual partners, more obligations at work, childcare craziness (why do kids need 20 freakin activities to be driven to?). So they become tired and think that someone else out there is going to understand them better.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your wife did not enjoy having sex with you from the beginning. She probably thought it was part of the package to get married. This is sad but very true for many couples. Personally, sex should not be a compromise. It should be an enjoyable and fully participatory act for both parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your wife did not enjoy having sex with you from the beginning. She probably thought it was part of the package to get married. This is sad but very true for many couples. Personally, sex should not be a compromise. It should be an enjoyable and fully participatory act for both parties.

+1 If his posts are any indication it's doubtful she married him for his personality or intelligence. Guessing she married for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, per comment above, we had the talk last night instead of during date night. Date night tonight. We will see if things improve. Very interesting perspective from DW. Thanks for suggestions.

What did you say and how did she react?

Said that I loved her, loved having sex with her. Lack of sex really taking a toll on our marriage. Has been this way for a while, thought it was going to improve as kids got older but hasn't and has gotten less frequent. Said I would like to solve this before our marriage unravels.

DW was very surprised although I surprised she could possibly be surprised (what grown woman doesn't understand how important sex is to men?). Said she rates our marriage a 10 out of 10. Knows this has been an issue, it's not me, it's the situation, i.e. can't think about sex after day with kids, etc. Said she hopes with kids going back to school there will be time to get to gym, feel sexy, more "her" time. She is a SAHM.

Talked about solutions. She said I just need to tell her when I need sex, she will do whatever I need even if she is not in the mood. I said it's really difficult to initiate when it is clear it would be "bothering" her. She said she would much rather be bothered than to lose her marriage.

Talked about open marriage (she brought it up, asked if that was what I was looking for). She is really against it. We had friends that did it, ended up divorced a year later (they have kids). Surprisingly, she said that if I cheated, she really doesn't want to know, but she doesn't want me to have an affair. Said that the difference is if something happened on the road while on business that she better not find out, but if I was having an affair in town, she would want to know since that is more emotional and premeditated.

Had sex Friday and Saturday. Amazing how just having sex can soothe differences. I am going to more assertive in pushing for sex, take her up on her suggestion to use her if I need it because she would rather that than an affair or divorce. I want to get snipped, get her of BC, but for reasons she can't really say, she said she doesn't want me to get fixed yet even though we are both late 30s and to old for more kids.

Thanks for feedback. I think there is a lot to be said for bouncing ideas of anonymous forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your wife did not enjoy having sex with you from the beginning. She probably thought it was part of the package to get married. This is sad but very true for many couples. Personally, sex should not be a compromise. It should be an enjoyable and fully participatory act for both parties.

Obviously, I disagree with you on the first part, but I agree with you on the bolded part. But there is the problem in typical high/low libido relationships. If the high libido person (me) will only have sex when the low libido partner (DW) is fully into it, we will only be having sex on her schedule, 1-2 per month. That is, and has, led to resentment, bitterness, and the unraveling of our marriage. I would love nothing more to spend 5-7 nights a week having mutually enjoyable sex with DW, but if she is not in the mood isn't it more selfish of me to insist she orgasm rather than try to compromise and let her pleasure me and "get it over with" so she can go back to what she wants to do?

I am sure there are some selfish men out there and that is why their wives don't have sex with them, but I doubt that is true for the majority of low sex marriages. Most men get off on their wife's pleasure, and the more pleasure she gets the more she will have sex. This isn't rocket science. Obviously, I have tried many "solutions" - bought erotica, sex toys, lot's of date nights, etc. We have plenty of money, I am a lawyer in a large DC firm. I have asked her what I can do to get her in the mood, make it better. She says she is satisfied by me, has no other suggestions (other than more vacations which we are working on). I suppose she could be lying, is really ravenous and the problem is me, but if that is true, surely she has some obligation to speak up and tell me what we can do to make her experience better?

[Anonymous]

I am DW . My husband went for the emotional affair after our discussion . I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:explain the situation to her and see what she says and get back to us

I am the one who said tell her so she can assess her three options and I think you should also let her know that you have a potentially willing partner for a discreet, sex only relationship if that's what she chooses. Not as a threat, but so she knows that you're not just idly waving that around to get a rise out of her. It is a SERIOUS possibility. Don't name names, don't be ugly about it, just let her know that that is a distinct opportunity and you will take it if she decides she's okay with an open marriage. Chances are, she won't be, because most American women in monogamous relationships are not, so that means the other two are your more likely paths (more sex with her or divorce). But I would absolutely let her know that the open marriage thing is fully on the table at this point with a willing partner so she knows you aren't just bluffing. That would piss me off but it would also give me a kick in the ass that my marriage was heading down a very serious path and I needed to take some kind of action for myself.

OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have a babysitter coming Saturday, going to a nice restaurant, good for quiet conversation. I think this is a better setting to have this kind of talk over wine.

If she is smart, she will just kick you out and go straight to divorce giving you what you want. Then maybe she can find a husband ho is a real man

Real men like to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a good wife if she didn't get defensive about this and had a rational talk with you.