Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, per comment above, we had the talk last night instead of during date night.  Date night tonight.  We will see if things improve.  Very interesting perspective from DW.  Thanks for suggestions.[/quote]

What did you say and how did she react?[/quote]

Said that I loved her, loved having sex with her.  Lack of sex really taking a toll on our marriage.  Has been this way for a while, thought it was going to improve as kids got older but hasn't and has gotten less frequent.  Said I would like to solve this before our marriage unravels.

DW was very surprised although I surprised she could possibly be surprised (what grown woman doesn't understand how important sex is to men?).  Said she rates our marriage a 10 out of 10.  Knows this has been an issue, it's not me, it's the situation, i.e. can't think about sex after day with kids, etc.  Said she hopes with kids going back to school there will be time to get to gym, feel sexy, more "her" time.  She is a SAHM.

Talked about solutions.  She said I just need to tell her when I need sex, she will do whatever I need even if she is not in the mood.  I said it's really difficult to initiate when it is clear it would be "bothering" her.  She said she would much rather be bothered than to lose her marriage.

Talked about open marriage (she brought it up, asked if that was what I was looking for).  She is really against it.  We had friends that did it, ended up divorced a year later (they have kids).  Surprisingly, she said that if I cheated, she really doesn't want to know, but she doesn't want me to have an affair.  Said that the difference is if something happened on the road while on business that she better not find out, but if I was having an affair in town, she would want to know since that is more emotional and premeditated.

Had sex Friday and Saturday.  Amazing how just having sex can soothe differences.  I am going to more assertive in pushing for sex, take her up on her suggestion to use her if I need it because she would rather that than an affair or divorce.  I want to get snipped, get her of BC, but for reasons she can't really say, she said she doesn't want me to get fixed yet even though we are both late 30s and to old for more kids.

Thanks for feedback.  I think there is a lot to be said for bouncing ideas of anonymous forums.[/quote]

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