Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like your wife did not enjoy having sex with you from the beginning. She probably thought it was part of the package to get married. This is sad but very true for many couples. [b]Personally,  sex should not be a compromise. It should be an enjoyable and fully participatory act for both parties.[/b][/quote]

Obviously, I disagree with you on the first part, but I agree with you on the bolded part.  But there is the problem in typical high/low libido relationships.  If the high libido person (me) will only have sex when the low libido partner (DW) is fully into it, we will only be having sex on her schedule, 1-2 per month.  That is, and has, led to resentment, bitterness, and the unraveling of our marriage.  I would love nothing more to spend 5-7 nights a week having mutually enjoyable sex with DW, but if she is not in the mood isn't it more selfish of me to insist she orgasm rather than try to compromise and let her pleasure me and "get it over with" so she can go back to what she wants to do?

I am sure there are some selfish men out there and that is why their wives don't have sex with them, but I doubt that is true for the majority of low sex marriages.  Most men get off on their wife's pleasure, and the more pleasure she gets the more she will have sex.  This isn't rocket science.  Obviously, I have tried many "solutions" - bought erotica, sex toys, lot's of date nights, etc.  We have plenty of money, I am a lawyer in a large DC firm. I have asked her what I can do to get her in the mood, make it better.  She says she is satisfied by me, has no other suggestions (other than more vacations which we are working on).  I suppose she could be lying, is really ravenous and the problem is me, but if that is true, surely she has some obligation to speak up and tell me what we can do to make her experience better?[/quote]

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