When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your wife a favor... get a divorce and then you can date, have sex with and do what ever you like. If you cheated on me, regardless of the reason, you'd find your stuff packed on the porch and served with divorce papers. No counseling, no looking back. Once you leave the marriage, our marriage is over. No forgiveness here. If you have an affair, you are not being a "good" husband or father. You are the scum of the earth. Just be prepared for the outcome being huge attorney bills, lots of child support, seeing your kids every other weekend and your marriage over with a very bitter ex-wife.

I say divorce her and do your best to get the kids and leave her with as little as possible. After such don't marry again only use women as objects as they view men for the money aspect as made obvious by this post. *much sarcasm in this for you feminists out there*

Oh hi, right wing mysoginist meathhead! Welcome.

I think you missed his (not very well made) point.

No, I didn't, because I don't believe that it was sarcasm. Read his posts elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to start an affair that is just about sex. But, if you like the person and the sex, it gets messy. I thought I could do 'just sex,' but I couldn't. Be careful.

I agree. It's hard to have sex and not have at least one of the people develop stronger feelings (if they haven't already). Unlike other posters, I'm not convinced the affair is a horrible idea. But you should be prepared for the alternative if you're discovered. It may lead to a better marriage if you use it to blow off steam and channel your emotional/domestic energy back into your household. Or it could lead to divorce. Make sure it's worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. My DH could have written the OP. I love him. I would not want a life without him. But I don't like sex. I don't like fishing either. He goes fishing without me.

If DH had an affair and it was truly just sex, I'd be okay with it. I would just never want to know about it. Of course, in my heart I would know but I would hope he would follow a don't ask, don't tell policy. It would probably help our marriage in that he would get his desires met and I wouldn't feel pressure to do something I'm not interested in. The issue is that relationships are rarely just sex and I would have an issue if it became more than just sex.

OP here. I am sure it is wishful thinking but a part of me wonders whether my DW would understand if I had a purely sexual affair. She knows I am unhappy with sexual aspects - we have discussed it ad nauseum and frankly I am sick of making her feel bad about it. Our marriage otherwise works, so it seems so pointless to toss aside an otherwise healthy marriage just for lack of sex. She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could be in the mood more but then we go a month without sex and the resentment overflows.

As a caveat, I can compartmentalize sex and emotions. But then again, seeing the other responses, I can see how bad it can go if discovered. Thanks for feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. My DH could have written the OP. I love him. I would not want a life without him. But I don't like sex. I don't like fishing either. He goes fishing without me.

If DH had an affair and it was truly just sex, I'd be okay with it. I would just never want to know about it. Of course, in my heart I would know but I would hope he would follow a don't ask, don't tell policy. It would probably help our marriage in that he would get his desires met and I wouldn't feel pressure to do something I'm not interested in. The issue is that relationships are rarely just sex and I would have an issue if it became more than just sex.

OP here. I am sure it is wishful thinking but a part of me wonders whether my DW would understand if I had a purely sexual affair. She knows I am unhappy with sexual aspects - we have discussed it ad nauseum and frankly I am sick of making her feel bad about it. Our marriage otherwise works, so it seems so pointless to toss aside an otherwise healthy marriage just for lack of sex. She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could be in the mood more but then we go a month without sex and the resentment overflows.

As a caveat, I can compartmentalize sex and emotions. But then again, seeing the other responses, I can see how bad it can go if discovered. Thanks for feedback.

Try counseling before having an affair. Slap to forehead.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife. 1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce. If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another. If it doesnt change then leave. I cannot stand these affair threads. You all are spineless.

[Anonymous]

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your wife a favor... get a divorce and then you can date, have sex with and do what ever you like. If you cheated on me, regardless of the reason, you'd find your stuff packed on the porch and served with divorce papers. No counseling, no looking back. Once you leave the marriage, our marriage is over. No forgiveness here. If you have an affair, you are not being a "good" husband or father. You are the scum of the earth. Just be prepared for the outcome being huge attorney bills, lots of child support, seeing your kids every other weekend and your marriage over with a very bitter ex-wife.

I say divorce her and do your best to get the kids and leave her with as little as possible. After such don't marry again only use women as objects as they view men for the money aspect as made obvious by this post. *much sarcasm in this for you feminists out there*

Oh hi, right wing mysoginist meathhead! Welcome.

I think you missed his (not very well made) point.

No, I didn't, because I don't believe that it was sarcasm. Read his posts elsewhere.

Where have I ever condoned cheating or objectification ? Have I bashed gold diggers who marry for money and only money or marry with the intent to divorce and take him to the cleaners ya damn right I have because women like that are NO better than men who use women, a user is a user pure and simple. If you need examples go take a peek in the marry for money thread.

You are assuming these things about OP's wife, a woman you've never met, on the basis of nothing but your own ignorance and biases. You're a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife. 1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce. If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another. If it doesnt change then leave. I cannot stand these affair threads. You all are spineless.

Should have said I am not in your position...I CAN imagine what you are dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife. 1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce. If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another. If it doesnt change then leave. I cannot stand these affair threads. You all are spineless.

Couldn't agree more.

Or ask your wife if she is fine with an open marriage? If so, then your problem is solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife. 1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce. If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another. If it doesnt change then leave. I cannot stand these affair threads. You all are spineless.

OP here. Talking it out again is good in theory, but does it actually work? I mean, are there honestly people who have low libidos that had no idea their spouse was deeply unhappy with 1-2x per month sex despite multpile conversations in the past about it? Do you really want your spouse telling you "I will divorce you if you won't have more sex"? I can't imagine her low drive is going to naturally respond to the pressure of sex vs. divorce.

I am not trying to be flippant, she knows I am deeply unhappy about it, but probably doesn't realize I am seriously considering divorce. But if you know of someone who actually talked their way into a better sexual relationship, I am all ears.

[Anonymous]

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your wife a favor... get a divorce and then you can date, have sex with and do what ever you like. If you cheated on me, regardless of the reason, you'd find your stuff packed on the porch and served with divorce papers. No counseling, no looking back. Once you leave the marriage, our marriage is over. No forgiveness here. If you have an affair, you are not being a "good" husband or father. You are the scum of the earth. Just be prepared for the outcome being huge attorney bills, lots of child support, seeing your kids every other weekend and your marriage over with a very bitter ex-wife.

I say divorce her and do your best to get the kids and leave her with as little as possible. After such don't marry again only use women as objects as they view men for the money aspect as made obvious by this post. *much sarcasm in this for you feminists out there*

Oh hi, right wing mysoginist meathhead! Welcome.

I think you missed his (not very well made) point.

No, I didn't, because I don't believe that it was sarcasm. Read his posts elsewhere.

Where have I ever condoned cheating or objectification ? Have I bashed gold diggers who marry for money and only money or marry with the intent to divorce and take him to the cleaners ya damn right I have because women like that are NO better than men who use women, a user is a user pure and simple. If you need examples go take a peek in the marry for money thread.

You are assuming these things about OP's wife, a woman you've never met, on the basis of nothing but your own ignorance and biases. You're a douche.

When did I ever say that was about his wife, you really did fail reading comprehension huh ?

No, I can read just fine. You're a bad liar. You posted on this thread with your lame-ass disclaimer to the feminists, which is in no way convincing. It's like people who say "I'm sorry, but you're a douchebag. You're a douchebag no sorry about it. You felt the need to post here because it's an outlet for your actual thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. My DH could have written the OP. I love him. I would not want a life without him. But I don't like sex. I don't like fishing either. He goes fishing without me.

If DH had an affair and it was truly just sex, I'd be okay with it. I would just never want to know about it. Of course, in my heart I would know but I would hope he would follow a don't ask, don't tell policy. It would probably help our marriage in that he would get his desires met and I wouldn't feel pressure to do something I'm not interested in. The issue is that relationships are rarely just sex and I would have an issue if it became more than just sex.

OP here. I am sure it is wishful thinking but a part of me wonders whether my DW would understand if I had a purely sexual affair. She knows I am unhappy with sexual aspects - we have discussed it ad nauseum and frankly I am sick of making her feel bad about it. Our marriage otherwise works, so it seems so pointless to toss aside an otherwise healthy marriage just for lack of sex. She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could be in the mood more but then we go a month without sex and the resentment overflows.

As a caveat, I can compartmentalize sex and emotions. But then again, seeing the other responses, I can see how bad it can go if discovered. Thanks for feedback.

Why don't you just say, "I've been considering having sex with another woman. How do you feel about that?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife. 1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce. If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another. If it doesnt change then leave. I cannot stand these affair threads. You all are spineless.

OP here. Talking it out again is good in theory, but does it actually work? I mean, are there honestly people who have low libidos that had no idea their spouse was deeply unhappy with 1-2x per month sex despite multpile conversations in the past about it? Do you really want your spouse telling you "I will divorce you if you won't have more sex"? I can't imagine her low drive is going to naturally respond to the pressure of sex vs. divorce.

I am not trying to be flippant, she knows I am deeply unhappy about it, but probably doesn't realize I am seriously considering divorce. But if you know of someone who actually talked their way into a better sexual relationship, I am all ears.

PP you quoted here. We went to counseling for other reasons. DW here.

You say your wife knows your are unhappy but does she really know? I would most certainly want to know if my spouse was so unhappy that they would have an affair or want to get divorced. I do not have an example of when a wife upon hearing this changed, but I cannot imagine your wife, if she really wants to make it would work say "tough shit." And if she does say that then time to leave.

You are entitled to be happy, as well as your wife. And like another pp said...who knows maybe she would be okay with you having an open relationship. But you will not solve or change anything with simply having an affair or not communicating beforehand how you are feeling. I hope whatever you decide it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. My DH could have written the OP. I love him. I would not want a life without him. But I don't like sex. I don't like fishing either. He goes fishing without me.

If DH had an affair and it was truly just sex, I'd be okay with it. I would just never want to know about it. Of course, in my heart I would know but I would hope he would follow a don't ask, don't tell policy. It would probably help our marriage in that he would get his desires met and I wouldn't feel pressure to do something I'm not interested in. The issue is that relationships are rarely just sex and I would have an issue if it became more than just sex.

OP here. I am sure it is wishful thinking but a part of me wonders whether my DW would understand if I had a purely sexual affair. She knows I am unhappy with sexual aspects - we have discussed it ad nauseum and frankly I am sick of making her feel bad about it. Our marriage otherwise works, so it seems so pointless to toss aside an otherwise healthy marriage just for lack of sex. She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could be in the mood more but then we go a month without sex and the resentment overflows.

As a caveat, I can compartmentalize sex and emotions. But then again, seeing the other responses, I can see how bad it can go if discovered. Thanks for feedback.

You never know, she could be relieved if you approach her with the news that you've found another woman to have sex with, and you'll no longer be bugging her for it. If she's no longer sexually interested in you, but wants to stay married for the kids, opening up the marriage might seem like the best option for her too. You just need to be honest with her instead of going behind her back.

[Anonymous]

People lose the sex cues and forget how to find their partner attractive. The best cure for that is to let them fuck someone else. Encourage your partner in some extracurricular sex and see what happens. If done honestly, it reinvigorate a marriage.

[Anonymous]

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

liamw wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your wife a favor... get a divorce and then you can date, have sex with and do what ever you like. If you cheated on me, regardless of the reason, you'd find your stuff packed on the porch and served with divorce papers. No counseling, no looking back. Once you leave the marriage, our marriage is over. No forgiveness here. If you have an affair, you are not being a "good" husband or father. You are the scum of the earth. Just be prepared for the outcome being huge attorney bills, lots of child support, seeing your kids every other weekend and your marriage over with a very bitter ex-wife.

I say divorce her and do your best to get the kids and leave her with as little as possible. After such don't marry again only use women as objects as they view men for the money aspect as made obvious by this post. *much sarcasm in this for you feminists out there*

Oh hi, right wing mysoginist meathhead! Welcome.

I think you missed his (not very well made) point.

No, I didn't, because I don't believe that it was sarcasm. Read his posts elsewhere.

Where have I ever condoned cheating or objectification ? Have I bashed gold diggers who marry for money and only money or marry with the intent to divorce and take him to the cleaners ya damn right I have because women like that are NO better than men who use women, a user is a user pure and simple. If you need examples go take a peek in the marry for money thread.

You are assuming these things about OP's wife, a woman you've never met, on the basis of nothing but your own ignorance and biases. You're a douche.

When did I ever say that was about his wife, you really did fail reading comprehension huh ?

No, I can read just fine. You're a bad liar. You posted on this thread with your lame-ass disclaimer to the feminists, which is in no way convincing. It's like people who say "I'm sorry, but you're a douchebag. You're a douchebag no sorry about it. You felt the need to post here because it's an outlet for your actual thoughts.

I felt the need to post here to address a biased bitch who came into the thread with NOTHING useful only her judgments so get over your self.

Oh, okay. Because your posts display zero judgment. HAHAHAHAHAHA! God you really are a fucking moron.