Dealing with jealous sister who's still TTC

[Anonymous]

I really think it's pretty sad that OP can't see her role in all this. Even after 8 pages of posters telling OP that she needs to examine her life. That's her loss,because people like that always lose in the end.

[Anonymous]

What's confusing me is that you've described your sister's jealousy but said very little about how that translates to her mistreating you. Just being jealous shouldn't be much skin off your nose.

[Anonymous]

OK, I'm a PP who now believes OP must be a troll, because she continues to post and fuel the fire. Perhaps she's trying to set a record for longest thread ever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm a PP who now believes OP must be a troll, because she continues to post and fuel the fire. Perhaps she's trying to set a record for longest thread ever?

So why are you helping set the record then? Get off this thread then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's confusing me is that you've described your sister's jealousy but said very little about how that translates to her mistreating you. Just being jealous shouldn't be much skin off your nose.

OP here. Here's how my sister's jealousy has manifested itself into real mistreatment (and not just passive jealousy):
- She constantly compares her son to my son and fosters competitiveness between them.
- She accused me of marrying DH for his money after she found out he paid off my school loan.
- She has always liked to mock me because I was always into clothing and hair in my younger days whereas she was the brainy one. Then when we both got the same SAT score even after she studied twenty hours a week and I studied for only four hours, the claws really came out big time. She then began to mock me in public at dinner parties, family get togethers, etc..and it continued until the day I stopped speaking to her.
- She reminds me that I'm at greater risk for breast cancer simply because I have large breasts. Who asked her about my risk of break cancer?
- She scared the life out of DH and I when she insisted DC has autism. She insisted on an evaluation. We got several and all said he was not on the autism spectrum at all. When asked why she put us through so much hell, she would say she did it because she was deeply concerned for her nephew. When her own had more glaring autistic like symptoms (hand flapping, meltdowns, and speaking only single words at age 2.5, she never got a formal evaluation.
- She is my only sister, yet refused to help me on my wedding day to get ready and, in fact, told me she thought my wedding dress was "ugly."


The list goes on and on...

The problem is what to do. I recognize a sickness in her but it is hard to receive sympathy or advice from those who can relate to her inadequacies and bitterness and jealousies or those who simply will automatically resent the benefits or privileges I received in life. There's another post in the Expectant Moms forum about a 9 mos pregnant woman riding the metro who was appalled that nobody got up to offer their seat to her. She asked if this is typical of DC. There is cynicism, rudeness, bitterness here among DC area folk that is very apparent to people who lived in other regions before. I think its why DCUM suffers sometimes and why I've been tormented in this thread.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've been tormented because both you and your sister (if your representation of her behavior is accurate) behave in the most childish ways. Seriously, both of you need to grow thicker skin and get on with your lives. The very fact that you come back here with paragraph after paragraph says to most of us that your identity is way too wrapped up in your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The problem is what to do. I recognize a sickness in her but it is hard to receive sympathy or advice from those who can relate to her inadequacies and bitterness and jealousies or those who simply will automatically resent the benefits or privileges I received in life. There's another post in the Expectant Moms forum about a 9 mos pregnant woman riding the metro who was appalled that nobody got up to offer their seat to her. She asked if this is typical of DC. There is cynicism, rudeness, bitterness here among DC area folk that is very apparent to people who lived in other regions before. I think its why DCUM suffers sometimes and why I've been tormented in this thread.

OP - As a life-long DC resident, I am absolutely heartbroken when I read stuff like your last sentence. There are rude cynical people everywhere - DC does not have a corner on that. But the fact that you are unable to see that people have been rude and bitter on this thread because you keep, for example, labeling people with the "rinky dink university" insult is really shocking to me. I have been on DCUM for a while and have started many threads and I have never ever a single time had a thread that devolved into rude name calling. Oh sure, every once in a while someone bored at work comes on to sling an insult, but you ignore them, and you focus on the people who are genuinely interested in trying to help, of which there are many - which is why I keep coming back to DCUM. If you truly and honestly read over this thread, you have exchanged as many rude bitter insults yourself, and the lack of self-awareness with which you have handled this thread is really just unbelievable odd.

I have a cousin who is very much like your sister and I truly truly believe that your sister has some serious issues - I'm not taking that away from you. But, like many others on this thread, I wonder why you continue to engage her by, for example, telling your mother not to tell your sister that you're pregant when you very clearly are. Many of us have been gently trying to tell you what that will look like to a sister who already has strong feelings of jealousy and a pattern of anti-social behavior - it will look to her like you and your mother are "continuing" to colude and cut her out of your lives. EVEN if you don't mean it that way. The way that I have handled my cousin, who is like I said very similar to your sister, is to act 100% normal and not to spend any time at all thinking about it. When I was pregnant (and she was desperate for a baby but not even married), I told people in my family just the way I would have if she didn't have jealousy issues. Not in a "everyone stop and look at me!!!" type of way, but I mentioned it, I emailed, I was happy and excited but not rubbing it in everyone's face. Frankly, I don't know how she dealt with it because I didn't involve myself in her drama. I suggest (and many others have suggested) that this might be a better way of dealing with your problem. Your sister is going to be jealous and you will likely always have a tough relationship with her - minimize contact with her, go about your life as you need to, and think about how your actions and the things you say might look to her. I truly wish you all the best because I know this can be tough. But please please please go back and read this thread and understand how you contributed to the nastiness and that it is not at all indicative of the DC I have known and love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The problem is what to do. I recognize a sickness in her but it is hard to receive sympathy or advice from those who can relate to her inadequacies and bitterness and jealousies or those who simply will automatically resent the benefits or privileges I received in life. There's another post in the Expectant Moms forum about a 9 mos pregnant woman riding the metro who was appalled that nobody got up to offer their seat to her. She asked if this is typical of DC. There is cynicism, rudeness, bitterness here among DC area folk that is very apparent to people who lived in other regions before. I think its why DCUM suffers sometimes and why I've been tormented in this thread.

OP - As a life-long DC resident, I am absolutely heartbroken when I read stuff like your last sentence. There are rude cynical people everywhere - DC does not have a corner on that. But the fact that you are unable to see that people have been rude and bitter on this thread because you keep, for example, labeling people with the "rinky dink university" insult is really shocking to me. I have been on DCUM for a while and have started many threads and I have never ever a single time had a thread that devolved into rude name calling. Oh sure, every once in a while someone bored at work comes on to sling an insult, but you ignore them, and you focus on the people who are genuinely interested in trying to help, of which there are many - which is why I keep coming back to DCUM. If you truly and honestly read over this thread, you have exchanged as many rude bitter insults yourself, and the lack of self-awareness with which you have handled this thread is really just unbelievable odd.

I have a cousin who is very much like your sister and I truly truly believe that your sister has some serious issues - I'm not taking that away from you. But, like many others on this thread, I wonder why you continue to engage her by, for example, telling your mother not to tell your sister that you're pregant when you very clearly are. Many of us have been gently trying to tell you what that will look like to a sister who already has strong feelings of jealousy and a pattern of anti-social behavior - it will look to her like you and your mother are "continuing" to colude and cut her out of your lives. EVEN if you don't mean it that way. The way that I have handled my cousin, who is like I said very similar to your sister, is to act 100% normal and not to spend any time at all thinking about it. When I was pregnant (and she was desperate for a baby but not even married), I told people in my family just the way I would have if she didn't have jealousy issues. Not in a "everyone stop and look at me!!!" type of way, but I mentioned it, I emailed, I was happy and excited but not rubbing it in everyone's face. Frankly, I don't know how she dealt with it because I didn't involve myself in her drama. I suggest (and many others have suggested) that this might be a better way of dealing with your problem. Your sister is going to be jealous and you will likely always have a tough relationship with her - minimize contact with her, go about your life as you need to, and think about how your actions and the things you say might look to her. I truly wish you all the best because I know this can be tough. But please please please go back and read this thread and understand how you contributed to the nastiness and that it is not at all indicative of the DC I have known and love.

I'm the pp who said to drop out of the drama and avoid the triangulation with your mother/sister. I agree 100 percent wholeheartedly with the above poster and I think many people on here have suggested the same. I think this advice started out gently enough, but when you responded to some of the snarkier posts by claiming yourself to be 100 percent right and your sister, as well as most of the responders to be fat, unintelligent, jealous, jaded women with TTC issues...well that's where you really lost my patience and respect. I admit, I now come on here just to see how far you will go, whereas I was initially invested in your story from a compassionate standpoint. I was routing for you to find some middle ground perspective and make the mature choice. I see this is not going to happen. For all of the things you continue to list about your sister (which by the way, sound awful) I strongly suspect you have played a role in. relationships are rarely if at all based in linear interactions- they are co-created by definition. I'll never know for sure how you have treated your sister, but it's your behavior on here- the constant need to attack both your sister and the entire DC region that leaves many of us unconvinced of your saintliness. but we all agree your hair is outstanding.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I am seeing. Where OP could simply write, "we got the same test score on the SAT, which she didn't expect, and said these mean things, etc." she goes on unnecessarily about how she, the OP, is really both the glamorous attractive one who is also brainy. Do you speak this way in person, OP? If so, you are constantly bragging in an obvious way that you seem to think is hidden.

And then you assume that those who disagree with you have their own issues because we are unattractive or didn't attend good schools. That's downright delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The problem is what to do. I recognize a sickness in her but it is hard to receive sympathy or advice from those who can relate to her inadequacies and bitterness and jealousies or those who simply will automatically resent the benefits or privileges I received in life. There's another post in the Expectant Moms forum about a 9 mos pregnant woman riding the metro who was appalled that nobody got up to offer their seat to her. She asked if this is typical of DC. There is cynicism, rudeness, bitterness here among DC area folk that is very apparent to people who lived in other regions before. I think its why DCUM suffers sometimes and why I've been tormented in this thread.

OP - As a life-long DC resident, I am absolutely heartbroken when I read stuff like your last sentence. There are rude cynical people everywhere - DC does not have a corner on that. But the fact that you are unable to see that people have been rude and bitter on this thread because you keep, for example, labeling people with the "rinky dink university" insult is really shocking to me. I have been on DCUM for a while and have started many threads and I have never ever a single time had a thread that devolved into rude name calling. Oh sure, every once in a while someone bored at work comes on to sling an insult, but you ignore them, and you focus on the people who are genuinely interested in trying to help, of which there are many - which is why I keep coming back to DCUM. If you truly and honestly read over this thread, you have exchanged as many rude bitter insults yourself, and the lack of self-awareness with which you have handled this thread is really just unbelievable odd.

I have a cousin who is very much like your sister and I truly truly believe that your sister has some serious issues - I'm not taking that away from you. But, like many others on this thread, I wonder why you continue to engage her by, for example, telling your mother not to tell your sister that you're pregant when you very clearly are. Many of us have been gently trying to tell you what that will look like to a sister who already has strong feelings of jealousy and a pattern of anti-social behavior - it will look to her like you and your mother are "continuing" to colude and cut her out of your lives. EVEN if you don't mean it that way. The way that I have handled my cousin, who is like I said very similar to your sister, is to act 100% normal and not to spend any time at all thinking about it. When I was pregnant (and she was desperate for a baby but not even married), I told people in my family just the way I would have if she didn't have jealousy issues. Not in a "everyone stop and look at me!!!" type of way, but I mentioned it, I emailed, I was happy and excited but not rubbing it in everyone's face. Frankly, I don't know how she dealt with it because I didn't involve myself in her drama. I suggest (and many others have suggested) that this might be a better way of dealing with your problem. Your sister is going to be jealous and you will likely always have a tough relationship with her - minimize contact with her, go about your life as you need to, and think about how your actions and the things you say might look to her. I truly wish you all the best because I know this can be tough. But please please please go back and read this thread and understand how you contributed to the nastiness and that it is not at all indicative of the DC I have known and love.

Honestly, I don't know if you and I have read the same post, PP. I didn't start calling people graduates of rinky dink university out of the blue and with absolutely no provocation. I was insulted in numerous ways long before that. The tension and insults began much earlier by the snarky women, of which there are plenty on DCUM and some recent posts in the Expectant Mother's and Off-Topic forums are showing that. My comment was to retaliate and I even said I was going to give people some of their medicine and see how they like it for a change.

I really hate it when people say we ought to develop thicker skin to deal with jealous, bitter women who try to torment us. Why is it that in the DC area that is the most common advice? I think it is because snarky women are plentiful around here and they like to start trouble to watch a train wreck and see the OP's reaction. You shouldn't feel hurt reading this because I'm obviously not speaking about every person in the DC area. There are exceptions but this is very common on DCUM and it's a reflection of our community here.

And you assume that I should be concerned about how my sister's reaction or feelings will be when she knows I've hidden my pg or told my mother not to tell her. Why should I care about her feelings over trying to protect my own? Moreover, a mom and sister have a special relationship. I have that with my mom now. We tell secrets to one another. My mother is not compelled by any moral or ethical code to divulge my secrets or privacy in the interest of preserving her relationship with her other daughter just as she is not compelled to divulge any secrets my sister confesses to my mother to me.

[Anonymous]

Really not sure what advice you want then, OP.

[Anonymous]

I seriously can't stand OP. I'm not surprised she is posting here so often- Clearly she doesn't have friends in real life!!!

So smug, entitled and obnoxious... Yuck!

[Anonymous]

What OP wants, and has always wanted is validation for her behavior choices. She was never interested in hearing what people really thought she should do, and hence should have gone to her aunt or someone else who would continue to tell her exactly what she wants to hear.

[Anonymous]

^^ THIS!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I am seeing. Where OP could simply write, "we got the same test score on the SAT, which she didn't expect, and said these mean things, etc." she goes on unnecessarily about how she, the OP, is really both the glamorous attractive one who is also brainy. Do you speak this way in person, OP? If so, you are constantly bragging in an obvious way that you seem to think is hidden.

And then you assume that those who disagree with you have their own issues because we are unattractive or didn't attend good schools. That's downright delusional.

Why would it make a person jealous if another got the same score as them? The jealousy stems not from the fact that she simply didn't expect it. It stems from the reason WHY she didn't expect it. She didn't expect it because: 1) I was more into the clothing, hair, being popular and going out on dates and 2) I never studied much. I have a friend who is a valedictorian and went on to the University of Pennsylvania. She roomed with a pretty, partying cheerleader type of girl. Both were chemistry majors. My friend used to call me and with some regularity complain how much it bothered her that her roommate would get straight A's despite not studying whereas she was killing herself to maintain a B average. I was shocked that my friend was so insecure. She was the queen of confidence in high school. But I realized such jealousy is a reality of some people. So get over the fact that I described myself as "glamorous and attractive and brainy" because whether I truly am all these things is not what is supposed to be at debate here. The fact that you keep focusing on that only reveals your own insecurity: how can OP be all of these things? She must be lying for sure! She must be bragging! Get over it because where I grew up being or having these things was not uncommon. Focus on the real problem I posed - what does one do when dealing with the reality of jealousy that stems from these reasons?