Dealing with jealous sister who's still TTC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you expect anyone who reads this to believe that it is SHE who is jealous of YOU?

OP here. Okay, I have to ask - what did I say or indicate to show that I am jealous of my sister? This is like someone thinking you must have been one of those jealous TTC women before you finally got pg too...and thus the snarky comment.

Anyone this wrapped up in what their younger sister thinks/ says/ does/ may think etc. has issues that are rooted in competitiveness, usually stemming over attention/ love from your parents. This is a classic case of you projecting your feelings of jealousy onto her.

[Anonymous]

11:59 thank you for your defense and understanding. But I am so used to DCUM'ers reacting this way. My aunt is a psychiatrist. From my last conversation with her about my sister and also the behavior of other women, I know that sometimes when women react this way it's because something I said struck a nerve or they're unhappy about something in their own lives. Maybe they were previously TTC and can empathize with my sister's jealous feelings. Maybe there was something in my initial post that rubbed them the wrong way because of something going on in their own personal life. So I don't take any criticism on DCUM personally at all. It's just advice and I can choose to take the advice that I think is helpful...and btw, my psychiatrist-aunt said it was her issue and it's best to avoid her. That's hard to do though because we are family.

But some background info...Growing up, my sister was always the introverted, brainy kid in the family who boys didn't pay attention to. I was the outgoing one with more dates. I wasn't into school but more into clothes and hair. Sometimes if she was watching Jeopardy and I came down to join her she'd nastily ask, "What are you doing here watching Jeopardy, don't you need to go curl or hair or something?" The insults got worse during my teen years. At a dinner party someone said their husband was from Helsinki. I asked where that was. My sister, mortified that I didn't know my geography well, said out loud, "You're embarrassing to be around." At our church, I was elected to be our youth group leader. I was editor of our church newspaper. Boys were asking me out a lot and it used to bother her. Once for Mother's Day we decided to have a portrait taken of the both of us and put in a beautiful frame to gift to our mother. It was an expensive portrait. She thought her nose looked too bulbous in the portrait so she cut herself out of it. The portrait was ruined.

Now, we're both married. My husband, thank God, is very supportive. He washes dishes, makes dinner at times, helps my parents whenever we visit them. Her husband does nothing. She once said to her husband, "Why can't you be more like her husband? That's the way husbands are supposed to be." It completely embarrassed both my husband and her husband and her husband despised my husband ever since. I'm sure she wanted her husband to be more like my husband but also resented me for having a more supportive husband too.

Now she compares our kids, who is taller, who is cuter, who was the chubbier baby, who is smarter. Her son now goes nuts each time he loses a game to my son. We're all on pins and needles if it appears her son is about to lose any game with him because we know it'll result in an all out meltdown for 45 minutes. He gets upset when he learns my son has a trampoline or air hockey table but he doesn't. So I don't know if her insecurities are filtering down to him or if this is all genetic. When I saw it was affecting the kids' relationship, I figured I better end this.

Granted, you're only hearing my side of the story but it was I who decided to end the relationship, not she, and that should tell you something. It was out of a desperate need to protect myself from her jealousy and negativity.

I think she is a bottomless pit of insecurities. That's her issue not mine. That requires therapy, I don't. The only reason I would enter therapy is if she was there so we could hash this out in front of a therapist. I'm certain the therapist would first get to the core of my sister's jealousy and insecurity issues first and then later, teach me strategies to avoid letting her affect me. That would be the only grownup approach here but my sister would die rather than see a therapist with me. She would never want to hear what a therapist may have to say to her.

It's weird how people assume I intentionally put our mother between us. I asked our mom not to tell her anything about my pregnancy. Knowing would put her in a tailspin of despair and panic which I simply can't deal with right now, especially being so pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems you dwell in a bottomless pit of insecurities, as well.

If what you write it true, you won in the game of life. Move on.

That's how adults behave. (Well, maybe not in your family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you expect anyone who reads this to believe that it is SHE who is jealous of YOU?

OP here. Okay, I have to ask - what did I say or indicate to show that I am jealous of my sister? This is like someone thinking you must have been one of those jealous TTC women before you finally got pg too...and thus the snarky comment.

Anyone this wrapped up in what their younger sister thinks/ says/ does/ may think etc. has issues that are rooted in competitiveness, usually stemming over attention/ love from your parents. This is a classic case of you projecting your feelings of jealousy onto her.

OP here. Sorry but you are really so full of shit. I was neglected and verbally abused as a child and have managed to heal my relationship with my mother just a few years ago when she was dx with cancer. Okay now I know some of you don't know what the heck you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have issues.

Even if your sister had them, but you were well-adjusted you would just carry on with your life. Obviously, you are not as well adjusted as you think. Every post you make only furthers this sense amongst readers.

Go to a therapist. Apparently, just treating your sister like she doesn't exist isn't working for you. You desperately need life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have issues.

Even if your sister had them, but you were well-adjusted you would just carry on with your life. Obviously, you are not as well adjusted as you think. Every post you make only furthers this sense amongst readers.

Go to a therapist. Apparently, just treating your sister like she doesn't exist isn't working for you. You desperately need life skills.

Fine, I have issues. So go watch TV or read the newspaper or write on another thread. You've said your peace now right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have issues.

Even if your sister had them, but you were well-adjusted you would just carry on with your life. Obviously, you are not as well adjusted as you think. Every post you make only furthers this sense amongst readers.

Go to a therapist. Apparently, just treating your sister like she doesn't exist isn't working for you. You desperately need life skills.

Fine, I have issues. So go watch TV or read the newspaper or write on another thread. You've said your peace now right?

See OP. Here's the problem. You like being the victim. You came here expecting to get some handholding, and unlike Auntie Therapist (who might have a vested interest in not telling you that you have issues, yourself), DCUMers will tell it like it is. With every post, you only make yourself sound worse. And we will point that out to you.

Sorry, but this is better than TV. And it is funny that Ye Who Can't Shut Up is telling me I've said plenty.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you feel you're luckier then your sister, extend a hand to her, be civil, be kind. No need to rub it in. Do not look for attagirl here. Your sister is probably not so much jealous of you, as disgusted by how much you want her to be jealous. Grow up, you aren't kids any more.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I got it, PP. I know your feelings. I have issues and I need to see a therapist, not my sister. I received too much love and attention from my parents too and thats why I am this way also. And my psychiatrist aunt had a vested interest in lying to me too.

Your last comment that this is better entertainment for you than TV says it all. Thanks for admitting to the true motivation for your and possibly others truly snide, unsupportive posts. You must have a miserable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you feel you're luckier then your sister, extend a hand to her, be civil, be kind. No need to rub it in. Do not look for attagirl here. Your sister is probably not so much jealous of you, as disgusted by how much you want her to be jealous. Grow up, you aren't kids any more.

Yes, PP, that's what my objective has been thus far in three pages..I was hoping to get that 'attagirl' from somebody, anybody, and I have been trying my whole life to get my sister to feel jealous of me. Okay then...

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Its never fun to deal with difficult family members. It sounds like you need some good strategies for setting boundaries with her if and when you start talking again. Call her out on the jealousy in the moment. Tell her when she makes you feel uncomfortable. Cut off uncomfortable conversation before they go on for too long. Most of all, be kind but confident--your pregnancy is a joy...celebrate it with or without her support.

[Anonymous]

You posted already about this. Seems like you get off on this... Didn't you see her at Xmas,like you indicated in your last post?

[Anonymous]

I don't get why some posters are being so harsh. OP is not being dramatic. Families have issues, sisters have dynamics and jealousy exists between people whether one choses to ignore it or not. I don't understand how some of the posters on this forum can be so socially unidimensional. OP, don't be bothered by these people.

It sounds like your sister is in a tough situation with her marriage. I've seen some really lovely, amazing people become quite nasty and jealous of others while going through marital problems. Try to be compassionate while still maintaining solid lines on how you want her to treat you. If need be you might suggest going to a mediator together. And also keep in mind, you don't ever have to tell her about your pregnancy if you don't feel like it. It's your body and your life-you decide who you are comfortable talking with about it.

[Anonymous]

OP is CRAZY and I for one am loving it. with every new post she just shovels on more crazy- note how she is 100% innocent and has absolutely ZERO responsibility in this. we get it, OP, you're a saint (with perfect hair!) and your sister is evil and twisted, and made snarky comments to you what? twenty years ago?? GET OVER IT. move on with your life, please stop obsessing over your sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:boy would I love to hear the sister's version of this story!

Ditto.

How the hell does OP's sister know that that OP's DH paid off OP's student loans?