Dealing with jealous sister who's still TTC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people in the beginning suggested that your approach to dealing with your sister was immature. This was long before you felt a need to list your amazing qualities along with endless accounts of your troubled sister relationship.[i] After that you just proved our initial suspicions correct, and you continue to do so.

It's important to accept criticism where criticism is just and deserving. My ownership in this whole issue is that I probably should never have told my mother about my pregnancy so that it would never put her in an uncomfortable position of having to lie or withhold information. I don't like to be responsible for anyone's lying. So, no, I don't have any issue with accepting criticism where the judgment is truly fair.

glad to see you are finally owning up to your role a little bit. Now, can you acknowledge that you might have a part to play in your poor relationship with your sister? I am not saying she is innocent..but I highly doubt that she is the only cause of misery in your family dynamics. You can only change yourself..

[Anonymous]

NP here -just read through the pages of drama. I have to say I can't believe OP is still posting. Some people don't know when to quit. OP, you are a fool, at best. I don't care where you earned your degree.

[Anonymous]

Rinky Dink University here-

WOW!! What a treat, came back to DCUM and three whole pages of craziness!! To think I was out having a life, while OP was coming unglued on the internet.

Dear OP- It must be so lonely spending time on the internet because you don't have any true friends. Not surprising, when your own family can't stand you. Hopefully your husband at least gets joy out of life, banging his secretary.

PS...
Even if I had a sofa from Costco or ate Giant dinners, I would be a happier person than you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rinky Dink degree... How clever OP!! Actually English isn't my first language, I speak five languages actually. Maybe if you weren't so busy obsessing about your sister and scheming, you'd have time for other hobbies like language studies. Oh and I have a masters degree, which wasn't paid off by a man. Your sister is paying off her own loans and I applaud her for that. You seem very entitled, so you wouldn't understand the feeling of accomplishment to pay your own way in life. I think you're jealous of HER. Competitive, much??

Keep posting, please!!!

Of all the posters, you amuse me the most because your poor writing and lack of intelligent replies makes you the easiest to pick on. And thank you, it must have been clever because it was enough to get you irritated enough to write me back, didn't it? Perhaps if English were your first language and you understood American culture well too you would understand that a "masters" degree is commonplace here in the DC metro area. I have a "masters" degree that I paid for too. But DH paid for the more costly degree I got after that. By the way, did Rinky Dink University fail to teach you when to capitalize too?

So let me also understand your other point -- I am jealous of my sister because I yearn to pay off my own loans rather than let my DH if he wants to? So that's why my sister is digging her fingernails into her skin over it? I didn't earn DH's gift to pay off my loan. I didn't even ask for it. He did it on his own. Maybe you're the one who is jealous because you're wondering why despite speaking five languages and having a "masters" degree from Rinky Dink University you still have bills you're struggling to pay for. What kind of a job can you possibly have given the way you write? Sorry PP, I'm actually a decent person who hates to communicate this way to others. But if you think you can take the frustration of your own miserable life out on anonymous DCUM posters seeking support without any consequence, you are mistaken. Let's see how you like a taste of your own snarky medicine. You won't win any war of words with me because it's easy to figure out from your poor writing and unintelligent rebuttals that you lack intelligence.

Mirror mirror, on the wall...............

[Anonymous]

They see me trolling ... they hating ...
Moderating, trynna catch me posting dirty
trynna catch me posting dirty
trynna catch me posting dirty
trynna catch me posting dirty
trynna catch me posting dirty

[Anonymous]

Oh my ... is this for real? This has got to be one of the absolute most shocking threads I've ever read on DCUM just because of the continued responses and the fact that the OP (who I choose to believe must be a troll) keeps just feeding the negative posters so that the whole thread has turned into a back and forth of insults rather than a useful discussion.

This makes me sad because I've gotten a lot of great advice from DCUM, really, and this kind of thing just feeds that perception of DCUM as a bunch of snarky rich women being mean and jealous of each other, which is quite the opposite of what I've found when I've asked for real advice, taken even the advice that might have not been exactly what I would have LIKED to hear, and ignored the haters. I'm sorry that OP (or a troll?) has taken the low-road on this one. Hoping others don't read this and lump all DC women together with the ones represented on this thread. How disappointing.

[Anonymous]

9:09, I'm a guy and pretty poor by DCUM standards. In fact, I had to move out to Leesburg to feel rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is four years younger than me. She didn't just become jealous because I'm expecting now. In fact, we haven't confirmed our pg to her or her husband yet. I'm 24 weeks and really showing. Last time I saw her she kept staring at my belly and then went to our mother to try to ascertain the truth. She didn't ask me because we are not speaking. We stopped speaking years ago when I learned the extent of her jealousy and competitiveness (not just with me but also with other women). I had asked my mother not to say anything so she denied she knew I was pg.

Anyhow this jealousy has been going on for a very long time. She began to open up to me to explain her feelings many years ago. She said she resented that she felt our father preferred me because I was the more outgoing child. She seemed to establish life milestones based on when I or other women achieved certain things. If I got married by a certain age, she was hell bent on trying to meet or beat my age. When that didn't happen she became very bitter toward me. She was pleased when she finally got engaged but broke off her engagement the day before my wedding. The day of my wedding she abandoned me and didn't help me get ready at all. She told me she thought my gown looked ugly.

When her colleagues were all getting pg and having babies, she called me one day when we were on better terms and confessed how envious she was of them but she couldn't help her feelings.

Then when I was seven months pregnant, she got married. She quickly got pregnant three months later. When my child was two and exhibiting some quirky behavior she was certain it was autism and kept urging us to have him evaluated. He wasn't delayed in his speech but slow to socialize with people outside of the family. We had him tested by several people and learned he did not have ASD, just social anxiety. Then when she had a child he was severely delayed in speech (didn't speak until he was 2 1/2 years old) and exhibited perseverative behavior. She refused to have him evaluated though. Once when we got into an argument about our children she said to me, "Everybody knows my child doesn't need your child, it's your child that needs my child," I suppose a reference to the fact that my DC was slower to socialize and needed her DC to help bring him out of his shell.After the birth of our first children, she once confessed to me that she and her DH regularly glance at my belly to see if I'm pg with my second yet. They were always trying for their second.

She and I both had graduate school loans to pay off. When we got married, DH paid off mine. Her DH, a surgeon, refused to pay off hers though. I think she resented that because she then accused me of marrying DH for his money.

There have been so many jabs and insults I've taken over the years. Now I'm pg and don't want her to know. Since we're not on speaking terms she can't say anything to hurt me but I just don't want to deal with her stares and glares or the hurtful knowledge that my own sister can be that envious. How can I cope since I have to see her at birthday parties, holidays, etc...???

The part I have bolded is the part that tells me there are issues on both sides here. You are engaging with her in this twisted relationship. Also, all the details on when she broke up with her fiancee, what she said about others' pregnancies, etc tells me you are way over involved emotionally in what your sister does. If you ahd posted, "My sister and I are not on good terms. She has had jealousy problems with me in the past. How/When do I let her know I'm pregnant when she's still TTC?" Then I would have figured you were genuinely looking for advice on how to be compassionate. This mess that you posted tells me you are looking for validation that you are the normal person and she is not. I think you both have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nutty OP's original post:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/206552.page

I have a feeling Op might also be the poster from, "how to handle b*tch friend". She is pregnant and had dinner with some friends, one of whom was from overseas? The thread got taken down by Jeff at the orginal poster's request.

[Anonymous]

Wow, checking off this thread now. Op you are nuts and I feel bad for your sister and anyone else who has to deal with you in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here -just read through the pages of drama. I have to say I can't believe OP is still posting. Some people don't know when to quit. OP, you are a fool, at best. I don't care where you earned your degree.

If I am a fool you are a complete idiot for posting as an NP. Did I ask you to care where I earned my degree. Obviously not, since I never mentioned it, idiot. My reference to Rinky Dink degrees was for those women who were diagnosing me online based on scant information about my life and probably a third rate education. It wasn't mentioned to earn your respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rinky Dink University here-

WOW!! What a treat, came back to DCUM and three whole pages of craziness!! To think I was out having a life, while OP was coming unglued on the internet.

Dear OP- It must be so lonely spending time on the internet because you don't have any true friends. Not surprising, when your own family can't stand you. Hopefully your husband at least gets joy out of life, banging his secretary.

PS...
Even if I had a sofa from Costco or ate Giant dinners, I would be a happier person than you, OP.

OP here. Hi Rinky Dink, sorry but you gave yourself away. You're angry. Thus, the below the belt hits. Again, sorry to disappoint you, Rinky Dink, but we are both devout in our faith and don't even think about such things let alone act on them. We would sooner be raped than cheat on one another. I recognize that over 40% of spouses do cheat so I can understand why you might think my spouse would fall in that large group. Lets see how angry you can get. How low can a DCUM'er go, I wonder? I don't think you've hit rock bottom yet, Rinky Dink. Sorry but you started the mean-spiritedeness and you'll have to end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my ... is this for real? This has got to be one of the absolute most shocking threads I've ever read on DCUM just because of the continued responses and the fact that the OP (who I choose to believe must be a troll) keeps just feeding the negative posters so that the whole thread has turned into a back and forth of insults rather than a useful discussion.

This makes me sad because I've gotten a lot of great advice from DCUM, really, and this kind of thing just feeds that perception of DCUM as a bunch of snarky rich women being mean and jealous of each other, which is quite the opposite of what I've found when I've asked for real advice, taken even the advice that might have not been exactly what I would have LIKED to hear, and ignored the haters. I'm sorry that OP (or a troll?) has taken the low-road on this one. Hoping others don't read this and lump all DC women together with the ones represented on this thread. How disappointing.

The meanness started with the OTHER women, not me, PP. It's because I compared my sister's life to mine and starting listing all the privileges and benefits I had in my life that got women all riled up. Maybe they could relate more to the flaws I pointed out in my sister so the claws came out.

I provided all the detailed comparisons and detailed examples of her behavior to show that mine is a long standing and extreme situation, not one that can easily be resolved with taking the "high road" or simply ignoring her. Here's an update: My mother finally told my sister I was pregnant and said she has been peppering her with nonstop questions about my pregnancy. I've taken the one piece of decent advice on this entire disgraceful thread though. I have not told my mother any details of my pregnancy so that she would no longer be in the uncomfortable position of having to lie anymore. So now all my mother will say to my sister, truthfully, is: "I don't know." But my mother describes my sister as a fish out of water now. This is why I avoided letting her know.

There are many good people in this world. But don't think for one minute that every woman is good simply because she is family. For those of you who have had seriously jealous family members like this, you know what I'm talking about. For those who haven't, you shouldn't have gotten involved in this discussion then because you have no frame of reference and no advice to provide. So providing unsupportive comments or insults detracted from the advice I was truly seeking.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP- sorry about your situation. I'm in my early 20's and have had a similar problem with my cousin since were children.

I ignore her and just live my life. It's her problem. You shouldn't hide your good news.

Also, OP is not "putting her mom in the middle." She asked her mom to not mention something that is completely OP's business, because she knew the sister would respond in a ridiculous manner.

You aren't crazy. The people on this board like to attack a person for asking an innocent question and then attack them even more for defending themselves. They're complete psychopaths.

[Anonymous]

^^ HI OP!!!!