18yo about to be let go from summer job because of phone use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There might be an opening at an indoor golf range soon.

But it an engaging golf course? Will it capture her attention enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:man there is a lot going on here. First figure out if the boyfriend is being controlling and getting mad that she isn't available or if SHE is the one who wants to be in constant contact with the boyfriend. Either way it's a problem.

Agree with this. The boyfriend relationship seems unhealthy. But she also seems addicted or unable to interact with the public instead of her phone.

If she apologizes and leaves her phone in her car for her next few shifts maybe she can redeem it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and started a summer job in May. She’s working at a restaurant. Her manager has basically told her he’s going to let her go soon because she’s on the phone too much during shifts.
From what I understand it’s not social media, she doesn’t really use social media,she’s just constantly FaceTiming/calling her boyfriend during work. Apparently it’s been going on for weeks and she’s been warned multiple times, but it hasn’t changed enough so now they’re at the point of letting her go.

I only just found out it’s this serious.
Part of me gets it — obviously you can’t be on your phone during a shift like that. But part of me is also frustrated because now she’s basically going to be at home all summer (until September) on her phone.

She’s upset and says she didn’t think it was “that bad,” but clearly it was. She says her boyfriend kept calling her, and she didn’t want to say no.
I’m not sure what the right move is here. Do I just let the consequences happen and hope she learns from it, or is there something she can do at this point with the manager to try to fix it and not lose the job? I don’t want her just sitting at home glued to her phone all summer either.

You have bigger problems her boyfriend is a control freak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

You need to work on this now. I would be through the roof if my kid was being fired from a job for insubordination. She is refusing to listen to the manager. Why is this ok with you?

She liked the job and didn’t want to get fired, but she also likes her boyfriend and couldn’t stop prioritizing talking to her boyfriend and over actually listening or doing what she was supposed to do. She never said no to her boss or argued with him, and he only talked to her once about it. The other times he gave her warnings, but I don’t think she understood because she wasn’t focusing. Being fired isn’t great and I’m not okay with it, but at 18 there’s only so much control you I left and she does whatever she wants. There’s not a lot I can do.

Her boyfriend is a very nice young man. He’s in college and is home working and being productive this summer.

She doesn’t want anything outdoors like lifeguarding or camps. She says she’ll work any hours, but now that she’s been fired I’m not sure she’ll even be motivated to try again unless it’s something more engaging. She spends over 8 hours on the phone, mostly talking to him or watching videos. Open to ideas for jobs that might actually hold her attention.

Why would anyone recommend a job for her? She sounds like a terrible employee who learned nothing from this experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and started a summer job in May. She’s working at a restaurant. Her manager has basically told her he’s going to let her go soon because she’s on the phone too much during shifts.
From what I understand it’s not social media, she doesn’t really use social media,she’s just constantly FaceTiming/calling her boyfriend during work. Apparently it’s been going on for weeks and she’s been warned multiple times, but it hasn’t changed enough so now they’re at the point of letting her go.

I only just found out it’s this serious.
Part of me gets it — obviously you can’t be on your phone during a shift like that. But part of me is also frustrated because now she’s basically going to be at home all summer (until September) on her phone.

She’s upset and says she didn’t think it was “that bad,” but clearly it was. She says her boyfriend kept calling her, and she didn’t want to say no.
I’m not sure what the right move is here. Do I just let the consequences happen and hope she learns from it, or is there something she can do at this point with the manager to try to fix it and not lose the job? I don’t want her just sitting at home glued to her phone all summer either.

You have bigger problems her boyfriend is a control freak

Apparently he’s an unemployed control freak with no plans of his own either since he’s always calling her. Sounds like a real winner.

[Anonymous]

If you pay for it, then you need to take the phone or find a way to put parental controls on it so it's locked while she's at work.

Also, she's lying, her boyfriend is not calling her, she's calling him. I can't believe all the people blaming her "controlling boyfriend" when your child is really just a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

You need to work on this now. I would be through the roof if my kid was being fired from a job for insubordination. She is refusing to listen to the manager. Why is this ok with you?

She liked the job and didn’t want to get fired, but she also likes her boyfriend and couldn’t stop prioritizing talking to her boyfriend and over actually listening or doing what she was supposed to do. She never said no to her boss or argued with him, and he only talked to her once about it. The other times he gave her warnings, but I don’t think she understood because she wasn’t focusing. Being fired isn’t great and I’m not okay with it, but at 18 there’s only so much control you I left and she does whatever she wants. There’s not a lot I can do.

Her boyfriend is a very nice young man. He’s in college and is home working and being productive this summer.

She doesn’t want anything outdoors like lifeguarding or camps. She says she’ll work any hours, but now that she’s been fired I’m not sure she’ll even be motivated to try again unless it’s something more engaging. She spends over 8 hours on the phone, mostly talking to him or watching videos. Open to ideas for jobs that might actually hold her attention.

Why would anyone recommend a job for her? She sounds like a terrible employee who learned nothing from this experience.

+1 and no job is going to "hold her attention" over a phone. She is the one who needs to learn self control and focusing on work. OP you haven't said if she's going to college but how will classes and homework or studying hold her attention over a phone?

The bolded is also crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There might be an opening at an indoor golf range soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

No, she's sitting around someone else's home. You raised a real winner, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also teen jobs are not meant to be “engaging.” As Don Draper says, “That’s what the money is for!”

+ 1

[Anonymous]

OP is definitely a troll. No one is that stupid.

[Anonymous]

That is a perfect learning opportunity here. I the words of Sal from Do the Right Thing, do your friends pay your bills? She needs to understand that she has to say no to boyfriends, that a job is more important than socializing, and that the boyfriend may actually be an a**hat, or maybe he is also a bit brainless like all teens.
Next, she needs to learn to read the cues. If a boss is unhappy she needs to stop immediately. Not wait for the yellow and then red card. One strike is when you are potentially out.
I would make sure she doesn’t get any money from me, maybe push her to get another job if possible, and make sure she feels sufficient shame for being fired at her first job. She will learn I am sure.
Maybe I’d have her leave her phone at home but maybe not.
My DS took out a phone during an exam to check a message and was given a zero. I made sure he was ashamed and felt stupid for doing so, but what else can I do? He learned how one slip can ruin months of work. Better than if he got caught impulsively shoplifting or something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These response are odd. It’s just a part time summer job. Obviously at her age she prioritizes her boyfriend over her part time summer job. It doesn’t mean she’s a loser or that he’s a loser either. And alot of bosses are unfair, and target young people so I wouldn’t think my son was a bad evil kid because he got fired from his part time job at a restaurant. There’s a obvious superiority complex coming from a lot of people on this forum.

I agree. The daughter isn’t some overachiever but she is a normal teen who is finding her way in life. I remember doing dumb things when I was way older, and I was a good kid and a good student. She’ll learn

[Anonymous]

Its too late to get a camp job for any decent camp and for lifeguarding she'd have to go through training.

Tell her to grow up and find another job or there is no spending money and limit the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot going on here, but what I would first address is why her boyfriend calls her when he knows she’s at work. Is he controlling in other ways?

This.

And also it’s a great lesson in natural consequences. If she didn’t know it was that bad, now she does.

I agree with this. My parents knew nothing about my jobs let alone trying to punish me, yet I still felt shame when I failed and I learned and I have been gainfully employed for years.