I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A college admit is not winning at parenting. It’s winning at the game of college admissions.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post is indecent. We all understand that you think you’ve accomplished something, and in some regards you have, but you should really consider why your child needed your constant attention and why you were so singularly focused on a particular outcome. We all want good outcomes for our children, but your “accomplishment” seems highly artificial and a powder keg ready to self-destruct.

We left the DC area because of people like you. While I agree that laissez faire parenting is not the appropriate counterpoint to your approach, there is a mean between your approach and your “competition’s” that is far more constructive for decent living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


OP here. This. I would never say this in real life. It was nice to anonymously say exactly what this poster states. That I'm excited for my kid. And we were at an all time low with the hospital (that we couldn't talk to any family about, even my mom with whom I'mso close. But she wouldn'tbe able to take it). And that it is nice to celebrate wins (while fully understanding the luck and privilege we have).

On the one hand: Congratulations.

On the other hand: Now your kid has to survive in a college that might be to very stressful and way too hard.

You need to be prepared to provide counseling and executive function coaching, if necessary, and to accept that your kid might end up being an English major with 2.3 GPA rather than a premed with 3.9 GPA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

It’s not that - just OP’s lack of self-awareness that the prize school is likely not the best place for a kid with these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

OP here. This. I would never say this in real life. It was nice to anonymously say exactly what this poster states. That I'm excited for my kid. And we were at an all time low with the hospital (that we couldn't talk to any family about, even my mom with whom I'mso close. But she wouldn'tbe able to take it). And that it is nice to celebrate wins (while fully understanding the luck and privilege we have).

Again, I get your celebrating. It’s just so obnoxious to put others down (specifically your SIL) to make your role in your son’s success seem so much greater. I mean most people don’t find joy in their nieces’ and nephews’ parents being inadequate resulting in them becoming less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

I would say that to my best friend. She's a true friend who has supported me through ups and downs in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

OP here. This. I would never say this in real life. It was nice to anonymously say exactly what this poster states. That I'm excited for my kid. And we were at an all time low with the hospital (that we couldn't talk to any family about, even my mom with whom I'mso close. But she wouldn'tbe able to take it). And that it is nice to celebrate wins (while fully understanding the luck and privilege we have).

Op, think about why you have no one in your life with whom you can share your child's accomplishments and failures and your mistakes. Spend some time reflecting and realize what that says about you as a person. Try to be a better person, friend, neighbor, colleague, daughter.

[Anonymous]

Congrats op!
I am quite hands on with mine, though he isn’t ivy material, mostly due to not having the mental and physical stamina to do the work and lack of motivation. I still try to put him in the best position he can get!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few years ago I had a friend who bragged about how she got her kid into University of Alabama and then into a particular sorority. She talked about all the strings she pulled to make it happen. It took all the control I could muster to avoid laughing in her face. After than, I could no longer be her friend...just couldn't unsee that side of her.

I bet her daughter is having a blast though! Good for her!😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

OP here. This. I would never say this in real life. It was nice to anonymously say exactly what this poster states. That I'm excited for my kid. And we were at an all time low with the hospital (that we couldn't talk to any family about, even my mom with whom I'mso close. But she wouldn'tbe able to take it). And that it is nice to celebrate wins (while fully understanding the luck and privilege we have).

Op, think about why you have no one in your life with whom you can share your child's accomplishments and failures and your mistakes. Spend some time reflecting and realize what that says about you as a person. Try to be a better person, friend, neighbor, colleague, daughter.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy you're happy, but stop equating the success/failure of the children to their parents' parenting styles!!!

It worked for you. Great. I think my close-supervision style of parenting works well for me and my kids too. DCUM naturally attracts the type A, perfectionist types who found their way to the DC area, not by accident.

But the truth is: we all have parenting propensities that fit our personalities and psychological profiles! I could not possibly be a live-and-let-live parent. It's out of the range of my functionalities The laissez-faire parents are like that because that's how their brain works as well. They probably could not easily force themselves to parent in any other way. And I'm sure that works for most of their kids.

You're not understanding the underlying human psychology here.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible to disagree with the OP without acting like she is a serial killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you who are criticizing OP for her lack of social intelligence and similar are forgetting that DCUM is anonymous. Many of us post things on here that we would never breathe a word of in real life. In fact, that is why we post on here. Because we have solid family and friend relationships and a high social EQ and never say a braggy or obnoxious thing to others (and never on social media) but there is a tiny part of us us that just wants to say out loud:

"I am so excited for my kid!!! We were at an incredibly low point when he came home drunk and we took him to the hospital but HOLY CRAP IT ALL WORKED OUT OK!" but there is no way to say this to ANYONE in real life--not to best friends, not even to grandparents.

I imagine that this is what is going on here. DCUM serves an anonymous brain dump and form of therapy for so many of us. I am not OP but I can completely imagine posting what she did.

OP here. This. I would never say this in real life. It was nice to anonymously say exactly what this poster states. That I'm excited for my kid. And we were at an all time low with the hospital (that we couldn't talk to any family about, even my mom with whom I'mso close. But she wouldn'tbe able to take it). And that it is nice to celebrate wins (while fully understanding the luck and privilege we have).

Op, think about why you have no one in your life with whom you can share your child's accomplishments and failures and your mistakes. Spend some time reflecting and realize what that says about you as a person. Try to be a better person, friend, neighbor, colleague, daughter.

Truth hurts doesn't it.

Why does the op need to get validation from strangers while also insulting her nieces/nephews.

Something is broken inside op. Maybe therapy can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

Yeah, I think we're where you were when you thought, "huh, we did it." Yes, LOTS of heavy parenting to get him into top school and I realize the race continues. Celebrating the last 6 months of senior year and summer.

In a way, drinking too much that first time and ending up in the hospital (that was us as parents overreacting) wasn't the worst thing. It opened up the discussion around drinking. Allowed us to set strict rules for senior year (no drinking, no vaping - with drug tests and checks). So I'm hoping it will help with what we all know can be a rough entry to college life.

Are you sure this isn't a troll post? Drug tests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy you're happy, but stop equating the success/failure of the children to their parents' parenting styles!!!

It worked for you. Great. I think my close-supervision style of parenting works well for me and my kids too. DCUM naturally attracts the type A, perfectionist types who found their way to the DC area, not by accident.

But the truth is: we all have parenting propensities that fit our personalities and psychological profiles! I could not possibly be a live-and-let-live parent. It's out of the range of my functionalities The laissez-faire parents are like that because that's how their brain works as well. They probably could not easily force themselves to parent in any other way. And I'm sure that works for most of their kids.

You're not understanding the underlying human psychology here.

That's a good point. I work with a woman who close supervised her kid. Managed all his extra activities, made sure he did his volunteer hours for whatever society, reviewed his homework every night. He's at a strong school for his major. She's now looking for internships for him.

Hope she's happy, hope he is happy, but that's not my personality and not what I am doing with my kid.