How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

I feel like getting a blessing (crossed arms) is the most appropriate thing here. I'm not Catholic but my grandparents were and I have been to mass many times. My grandmother taught me I was not to get communion but I could get a blessing. It shows respect both ways.

Taking communion when you aren't really part of the church is disrespectful in the Catholic Church, based on what I was taught. My parents raised me Presbyterian which is an open table religion and it would be fine in that denomination. But it's not in the Catholic Church.

I've navigated being the non Catholic "baptism witness" and non Catholic maid of honor this way as well (my best friend is Catholic).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

OP here.

Thank you for your response. I don't plan to receive communion, and I know one is not supposed to if they are not Catholic or are in a state of sin.

I just don't know how to approach it because I know my parents at the very least will be outraged and will insist I do so because of this traumatic event.

Just go up to the altar and cross your hands and receive a blessing. That’s it. You are making this too much about you. No one will notice you didn’t take communion

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

Been to Mass lately? Almost everyone is taking Communion. Nobody is sitting out based on the ancient rules. Everyone knows this. You're completely out of touch.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

Been to Mass lately? Almost everyone is taking Communion. Nobody is sitting out based on the ancient rules. Everyone knows this. You're completely out of touch.

DP. This is a bizarre take. The Church is made of “ancient rules”. That is kind of the whole point. Just because you are uneducated about your own faith doesn’t mean everyone else is.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

Been to Mass lately? Almost everyone is taking Communion. Nobody is sitting out based on the ancient rules. Everyone knows this. You're completely out of touch.

DP. This is a bizarre take. The Church is made of “ancient rules”. That is kind of the whole point. Just because you are uneducated about your own faith doesn’t mean everyone else is.

And? If you were familiar with norms these days this wouldn't be bizarre to you. You're obviously not Catholic or a parishioner anywhere.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'm sorry you have gotten so many weird responses in this thread, but I'm glad you found your solution. I also saw another post, that hopefully didn't get lost in the noise, about how people can act out in times of grief. It was about accepting the displaced anger for what it was, and treating that as an act of mercy. I thought that was really useful in a number of situations, thank you to that poster wherever you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

Been to Mass lately? Almost everyone is taking Communion. Nobody is sitting out based on the ancient rules. Everyone knows this. You're completely out of touch.

DP. This is a bizarre take. The Church is made of “ancient rules”. That is kind of the whole point. Just because you are uneducated about your own faith doesn’t mean everyone else is.

And? If you were familiar with norms these days this wouldn't be bizarre to you. You're obviously not Catholic or a parishioner anywhere.

Catholic masses are long. At least let people get a little snack and some wine.

[Anonymous]

I am with the people calling troll.

1. An experienced Catholic knows communion is at the end of Mass and a time of reverence. Her mom won’t say anything to her until after Mass. But OP is talking like she wants to take a preventive talk/excuse to her family?

2. I don’t know any even nominal, C&E Catholic who does not know about the arm crossed blessing. Practically every pastor emphasizes it especially at C&E services.

3. Someone who has been raised in the Catholic Church knows exactly what the meaning of communion is. So unless OP is keeping her apostasy a secret, the easiest built in excuse and technically honest explanation is that she is not in a spiritual state to receive communion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with the people calling troll.

1. An experienced Catholic knows communion is at the end of Mass and a time of reverence. Her mom won’t say anything to her until after Mass. But OP is talking like she wants to take a preventive talk/excuse to her family?

2. I don’t know any even nominal, C&E Catholic who does not know about the arm crossed blessing. Practically every pastor emphasizes it especially at C&E services.

3. Someone who has been raised in the Catholic Church knows exactly what the meaning of communion is. So unless OP is keeping her apostasy a secret, the easiest built in excuse and technically honest explanation is that she is not in a spiritual state to receive communion.

I was probably 20 before I knew about it. I didn't see anyone do it growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with the people calling troll.

1. An experienced Catholic knows communion is at the end of Mass and a time of reverence. Her mom won’t say anything to her until after Mass. But OP is talking like she wants to take a preventive talk/excuse to her family?

2. I don’t know any even nominal, C&E Catholic who does not know about the arm crossed blessing. Practically every pastor emphasizes it especially at C&E services.

3. Someone who has been raised in the Catholic Church knows exactly what the meaning of communion is. So unless OP is keeping her apostasy a secret, the easiest built in excuse and technically honest explanation is that she is not in a spiritual state to receive communion.

I was probably 20 before I knew about it. I didn't see anyone do it growing up.

So what did you do all those times at Mass before you made your First Communion?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.

You think forcing a Jew to take Communion is OK? Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? (Not OP btw). Yes God would understand. No, unless you literally fancy yourself the Grand Inquisitor, do you have the right to force that on someone.

OP isn’t a Jew.

OP is in the middle of converting to Judaism AND actual Catholic rules would not permit her to take communion.

There will be no communion police at the funeral and no priest would care.

Any decent priest would care a great deal about protection of the sacrament he was ordained to confect.

That assumes the priest knows, which doesn’t apply in thie case.

Nice try, but “caring” implies knowing and the implication of the quoted post is that the priest would not care despite knowing.

By what authority do you speak for priests?

By what authority do you question the more than two-millennia teaching of the Church as expressed in, among other places, the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law?

Been to Mass lately? Almost everyone is taking Communion. Nobody is sitting out based on the ancient rules. Everyone knows this. You're completely out of touch.

DP. This is a bizarre take. The Church is made of “ancient rules”. That is kind of the whole point. Just because you are uneducated about your own faith doesn’t mean everyone else is.

And? If you were familiar with norms these days this wouldn't be bizarre to you. You're obviously not Catholic or a parishioner anywhere.

I am truly not familiar with any Catholic parish norms that would expect a Jew to take communion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with the people calling troll.

1. An experienced Catholic knows communion is at the end of Mass and a time of reverence. Her mom won’t say anything to her until after Mass. But OP is talking like she wants to take a preventive talk/excuse to her family?

2. I don’t know any even nominal, C&E Catholic who does not know about the arm crossed blessing. Practically every pastor emphasizes it especially at C&E services.

3. Someone who has been raised in the Catholic Church knows exactly what the meaning of communion is. So unless OP is keeping her apostasy a secret, the easiest built in excuse and technically honest explanation is that she is not in a spiritual state to receive communion.

I was probably 20 before I knew about it. I didn't see anyone do it growing up.

So what did you do all those times at Mass before you made your First Communion?

DP. Stay in the pew. The same as when I was in college and didn’t want to take communion. The really small kids sometimes get carried by parents and get a blessing. But getting in line just to get a blessing was not really a thing, and also kind of annoying to people who just want to get mass over with!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with the people calling troll.

1. An experienced Catholic knows communion is at the end of Mass and a time of reverence. Her mom won’t say anything to her until after Mass. But OP is talking like she wants to take a preventive talk/excuse to her family?

2. I don’t know any even nominal, C&E Catholic who does not know about the arm crossed blessing. Practically every pastor emphasizes it especially at C&E services.

3. Someone who has been raised in the Catholic Church knows exactly what the meaning of communion is. So unless OP is keeping her apostasy a secret, the easiest built in excuse and technically honest explanation is that she is not in a spiritual state to receive communion.

I was probably 20 before I knew about it. I didn't see anyone do it growing up.

So what did you do all those times at Mass before you made your First Communion?

Sat in the pew. That's what all the kids did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

this!