How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Funeral was today. It was a beautiful service and a beautiful day.

I put one of my arms across my chest (the other was carrying my toddler) and my other child did the same.

I suppose there's a chance my mom may bring it up later because I know she saw that I didn't take communion but probably not.

I appreciate everyone's comments.

God bless you and your family.

OP here. Thank you so much. Her viewing and funeral were both very hard days. I didn't want to leave her..

In a way, I did something similar at the funeral of the father of a friend of mine. My friend planned the whole catholic funeral, with the priest aware that the friend was no longer Catholic, but wanted a full Catholic funeral to honor his father's wishes. The priest kept giving my friend the opportunity to make his confession, which my friend, now an atheist, had no intention of doing.

When the priest made the announcement during the mass that only Catholics "in good standing" could receive communion, I got mad and went up to communion, along with a practicing Catholic mutual friend (who hadn't been to confession recently) who was also mad.

I knew all the right moves from my Catholic childhood and my friend and his immediate, non-Catholic, family enjoyed it tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Cross your arms over your chest and let the priest bless you. In all honesty your concern about how to navigate this seems egocentric somehow….. i don’t think anyone is going to be looking at you while this day is so filled with tragedy.

[Anonymous]

OP is out of line, just do as your Rabbi says.
You have not converted yet. You can’t convert until the Rabbi is happy

So that is your answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

Or because now she a. understands what she should have done previously, which oddly her parents did not inform her of and b. has an opposing religious commitment as a result of which she is not supposed to be taking Christian communion.

I think it is terribly sad that you assume such dark and narcissistic motives of this poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

Or because now she a. understands what she should have done previously, which oddly her parents did not inform her of and b. has an opposing religious commitment as a result of which she is not supposed to be taking Christian communion.

I think it is terribly sad that you assume such dark and narcissistic motives of this poster.

OP here. Haven't visited the threads in a bit.

I appreciate your reply. As numerous others have also pointed out alongside me, they, too, were unaware of the crossed arms as a child growing up.

I don't know what to say to the other person who was so convinced that I am an @$$ who was absolutely set on ruining the awful day for my family.

Spoiler alert.. I didn't.

Thank you for your compassion during an already hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

Or because now she a. understands what she should have done previously, which oddly her parents did not inform her of and b. has an opposing religious commitment as a result of which she is not supposed to be taking Christian communion.

I think it is terribly sad that you assume such dark and narcissistic motives of this poster.

OP here. Haven't visited the threads in a bit.

I appreciate your reply. As numerous others have also pointed out alongside me, they, too, were unaware of the crossed arms as a child growing up.

I don't know what to say to the other person who was so convinced that I am an @$$ who was absolutely set on ruining the awful day for my family.

Spoiler alert.. I didn't.

Thank you for your compassion during an already hard time.

THe poster didn't express any compassion, so I assume your comment is sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

Or because now she a. understands what she should have done previously, which oddly her parents did not inform her of and b. has an opposing religious commitment as a result of which she is not supposed to be taking Christian communion.

I think it is terribly sad that you assume such dark and narcissistic motives of this poster.

OP here. Haven't visited the threads in a bit.

I appreciate your reply. As numerous others have also pointed out alongside me, they, too, were unaware of the crossed arms as a child growing up.

I don't know what to say to the other person who was so convinced that I am an @$$ who was absolutely set on ruining the awful day for my family.

Spoiler alert.. I didn't.

Thank you for your compassion during an already hard time.

THe poster didn't express any compassion, so I assume your comment is sarcasm.

OP here. I wasn't being sarcastic.

And I found it to be compassionate because the PP didn't criticize me and I felt as though they were being kind by saying I didn't have any ulterior motives..

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

What it seems that you don't know, is that in Catholicism, it's a sin to take communion without being in a state of grace, which means having been to confession recently and not having committed any mortal sins (like leaving Catholicism - the "one true faith") in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Does your family not know that you are converting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

What it seems that you don't know, is that in Catholicism, it's a sin to take communion without being in a state of grace, which means having been to confession recently and not having committed any mortal sins (like leaving Catholicism - the "one true faith") in the meantime.

I DO know this. I went to Catholic school from K-12. I was raised in a "very" Catholic family.

I am not Catholic today. I have rejected the church and all it stands for. I am an aetheist.

But here's the thing: my family are Catholics and it means a lot to them. Why on earth would I choose not to do something (ie, take communion even though I have no belief) that would possibly cause MORE stress and pain to anybody present at the FUNERAL OF A FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL. My little ideas about religion are not what would have been important in that scenario. I think OP was selfish to make this about herself and avoid communion at a time like this.

I think the funeral of a little child is probably the only thing that would ever get me inside a Catholic church again. If it were MY niece or nephew, I would be there to support my brother who had just lost his tiny daughter, and I would keep my mouth shut about my thoughts on the religion. I would take the communion and do whatever else I had to do to keep from drawing attention to myself at the FUNERAL OF A FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL.

On a normal day, sure. I would refuse communion and happily tell people why. But not at the funeral of my sibling's four year old child.

As a survivor of 13 years of Catholic school, I do think your Jesus would want OP to just quietly take the communion and do anything else it took to bring comfort/avoid causing any extra tension in the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

The Catholic God did not allow someone to take communion at her best friend's funeral because she was not in a "state of grace"

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your loss. As a Methodist if I am attending Catholic mass I sit quietly in the pew while others are taking part in communion. I pray silently.