How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

The point is: why did you get up at all? You could have remained in the pew and nobody would have questioned this because as a previous post explained, there are legitimate reasons why practicing Catholics would do that. Instead, you got up in the communion line, crossed your arm to show that you were not taking communion, and...received a blessing from the priest? Why get up at all? You aren't Catholic, so you weren't up there because the priest's blessing meant anything to you. You just HAD to get up and self-importantly walk through the communion line, probably sneaking side glances to see who noticed you had crossed your arm to avoid taking the wafer.

You should have stayed in the pew.

wtf. I recommend you read the entire thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

Since when is not taking communion a sideshow? the person staging the sideshow would be the one who got mad because OP didn’t take communion.

Read the thread: "not taking communion" can take different forms. When "not taking communion" = going up to the altar and crossing your arms so everyone can see you don't believe, that's the definition of a sideshow. If you didn't want a sideshow, you would have "not taken communion" by remaining in your pew, which apparently Catholics do all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

Since when is not taking communion a sideshow? the person staging the sideshow would be the one who got mad because OP didn’t take communion.

Read the thread: "not taking communion" can take different forms. When "not taking communion" = going up to the altar and crossing your arms so everyone can see you don't believe, that's the definition of a sideshow. If you didn't want a sideshow, you would have "not taken communion" by remaining in your pew, which apparently Catholics do all the time.

Crossing your arms only means that you don't choose to take communion. It says nothing about your reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

+1000000

Great line.

PP to add something. My mother picked a fight with me at my uncle (her little brother's) funeral. It was about a long-standing point of contention between us that had been long at a stalemate, nothing new or interesting or inflammatory happened or anything. It was just as I was leaving, all of a sudden, she's going off at me about this thing. It was such a crappy way to end an already crappy day.

I was so angry with her about that as I was driving home - and then I realized something. Sadness is a really difficult, exhausting emotion. Sitting in sadness all day, after a week of sadness, is so, so hard. She needed a break from sadness, and chose anger, and I was an easy target. I rebranded that brief blow up as a favor to her. She got to spend a couple hours being mad at me. A break from the sadness. In an odd way, a gift to her. So I just totally let it go.

If one of your relatives decides to give you a really hard time about not taking communion, don't take the bait, defuse, step away. And try and think of it that way - a gift to someone who needed to fixate on SOMETHING that was not the tragic death of a four year old.

Hugs to you and your family.

I'm not the OP, but I found this beautiful. that is an incredibly wise perspective for many situations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

It’s OK. OP, this is antisemitism mixed with people totally ignorant about what Catholic communion actually is. Remember that the vast majority of people actually think very little and know very little about religion (even their own) and that antisemitism is more widespread than you probably realized.

I’m glad the mass ended up going smoothly and I hope your sister is doing ok.

NP - how exactly is this antisemitism?

[Anonymous]

Catholic here. I would be more offended by someone non-practicing receiving than simply sitting quietly or going up with arms crossed. The latter may be the better option because (unfortunately) there are always some gossipy types who wonder why you’re staying seated.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

Since when is not taking communion a sideshow? the person staging the sideshow would be the one who got mad because OP didn’t take communion.

Read the thread: "not taking communion" can take different forms. When "not taking communion" = going up to the altar and crossing your arms so everyone can see you don't believe, that's the definition of a sideshow. If you didn't want a sideshow, you would have "not taken communion" by remaining in your pew, which apparently Catholics do all the time.

This is absurd. Receiving a blessing from the priest is not a sideshow in any way; the whole point is that the priest makes motions that are substantively quite similar to those he makes when giving Communion. Also, the person receiving the blessing has their arms in a position where unless you are to their front you have no idea that their hands are not in Communion-receipt position (instead, they are crossed near the neck), and as a result of all of this, the line continues at its prior speed, thereby drawing attention from no one who is not looking directly at the mouths of potential communicants for the purpose of keeping track and/or picking a fight. It is an anti-sideshow and potentially lower-drama than staying in the pew.

OP, I am terrible sorry for your and your family’s loss and for the way all of the trauma of the people in this thread is showing up. You did the right thing; hopefully your mom can let it go.