How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

For context, I have been in the process of converting to Judaism for the last year+. I was raised Catholic and my entire family, both sides, are all Catholic. I am the only person who has attempted a conversion to another religion.

I lost my newly turned 4 year old niece a few days ago. My family is understandably grieving right now. This is my sister's child.

Services haven't been announced yet, but it will happen within the next week. The funeral will be a full Catholic mass as my sister and her husband are both Catholic.

I left Catholicism a long time ago and even on the rare occasion I would go to church with my family (strictly to show support for them), I never took communion.

How do I navigate my niece's upcoming funeral by honoring her and my sister and brother-in-law, without offending them or my family by not taking communion? I no longer believe in Christianity as a religion, and even more specifically some tenets of Catholicism.

I don't want to cause pain and suffering to my sister and family any more than they are already feeling.

I appreciate you reading if you got this far.

Shanah Tovah to my fellow Jews 🍯🍎🍯🍏

[Anonymous]

Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

[Anonymous]

There are also plenty of reasons a practicing Catholic might not be receiving communion at any given mass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

OP here.

Thank you for your response. I don't plan to receive communion, and I know one is not supposed to if they are not Catholic or are in a state of sin.

I just don't know how to approach it because I know my parents at the very least will be outraged and will insist I do so because of this traumatic event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

+1000000

Great line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

OP here. Thank you for your respectful response and suggestion.

I like that approach and will probably take that with me on the day of service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

OP here.

Thank you for your response. I don't plan to receive communion, and I know one is not supposed to if they are not Catholic or are in a state of sin.

I just don't know how to approach it because I know my parents at the very least will be outraged and will insist I do so because of this traumatic event.

They cannot make you. Ask them if they want you to sin? You haven’t been to confession and have certainly not attended Mass such that it is appropriate to take communion.

Catholics who are not your parents don’t care. You can get a blessing from the priest which any faith can receive, by crossing your arms just before you get to him. You can whisper it to him too if that makes you feel better. They probably won’t even know.

I am so sorry for your family’s loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

You completely missed the context of OP's question. Be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are also plenty of reasons a practicing Catholic might not be receiving communion at any given mass.

OP here.

Yes, totally understand that aspect. I just am unsure of what to say to my family who will question and grill me about it.

Another person provided a helpful suggestion, which I will probably use.

Always welcome to hear suggestions from whoever wishes to post. Thank you for your reply!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

+1000000

Great line.

PP to add something. My mother picked a fight with me at my uncle (her little brother's) funeral. It was about a long-standing point of contention between us that had been long at a stalemate, nothing new or interesting or inflammatory happened or anything. It was just as I was leaving, all of a sudden, she's going off at me about this thing. It was such a crappy way to end an already crappy day.

I was so angry with her about that as I was driving home - and then I realized something. Sadness is a really difficult, exhausting emotion. Sitting in sadness all day, after a week of sadness, is so, so hard. She needed a break from sadness, and chose anger, and I was an easy target. I rebranded that brief blow up as a favor to her. She got to spend a couple hours being mad at me. A break from the sadness. In an odd way, a gift to her. So I just totally let it go.

If one of your relatives decides to give you a really hard time about not taking communion, don't take the bait, defuse, step away. And try and think of it that way - a gift to someone who needed to fixate on SOMETHING that was not the tragic death of a four year old.

Hugs to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are also plenty of reasons a practicing Catholic might not be receiving communion at any given mass.

OP here.

Yes, totally understand that aspect. I just am unsure of what to say to my family who will question and grill me about it.

Another person provided a helpful suggestion, which I will probably use.

Always welcome to hear suggestions from whoever wishes to post. Thank you for your reply!

Do you really think that you are going to be the center of attention at their daughter's funeral? It's not about you. Don't try to turn it into your show. Just show up and don't cause a scene.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been to all sorts of services and done a lot of things that have no personal meaning to me, including communion (not Catholic. Maybe Methodist?). I think you just find someone official looking who is not the grieving family and ask them. A church official, I mean. I’m sure they will tell you what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry for your loss.

If you think it would make your family feel better so see you go up, I would walk up at communion and cross your arms across your chest and receive a blessing, just like kids who haven't gotten their first communion do.

If anyone says anything about it I would respond with something to the effect of "I'm here to support my sister, not discuss my faith."

+1000000

Great line.

PP to add something. My mother picked a fight with me at my uncle (her little brother's) funeral. It was about a long-standing point of contention between us that had been long at a stalemate, nothing new or interesting or inflammatory happened or anything. It was just as I was leaving, all of a sudden, she's going off at me about this thing. It was such a crappy way to end an already crappy day.

I was so angry with her about that as I was driving home - and then I realized something. Sadness is a really difficult, exhausting emotion. Sitting in sadness all day, after a week of sadness, is so, so hard. She needed a break from sadness, and chose anger, and I was an easy target. I rebranded that brief blow up as a favor to her. She got to spend a couple hours being mad at me. A break from the sadness. In an odd way, a gift to her. So I just totally let it go.

If one of your relatives decides to give you a really hard time about not taking communion, don't take the bait, defuse, step away. And try and think of it that way - a gift to someone who needed to fixate on SOMETHING that was not the tragic death of a four year old.

Hugs to you and your family.

OP here. Thank you for your kind words.

And thank you for sharing your graceful perspective regarding your family's loss.

Reshaping our perspectives can be so, so useful. I will keep what you shared in mind on the day of her service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are also plenty of reasons a practicing Catholic might not be receiving communion at any given mass.

OP here.

Yes, totally understand that aspect. I just am unsure of what to say to my family who will question and grill me about it.

Another person provided a helpful suggestion, which I will probably use.

Always welcome to hear suggestions from whoever wishes to post. Thank you for your reply!

Do you really think that you are going to be the center of attention at their daughter's funeral? It's not about you. Don't try to turn it into your show. Just show up and don't cause a scene.

OP here. Of course I know it's about me.. I wouldn't dream of making it about me or causing a scene..

The problem is that I know my mother would make a big deal about this, and possibly my father, too.