How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry for your loss. As a Methodist if I am attending Catholic mass I sit quietly in the pew while others are taking part in communion. I pray silently.

At least you pray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

The Catholic God did not allow someone to take communion at her best friend's funeral because she was not in a "state of grace"

Pretty sure that rule came from a human, not a god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry for your loss. As a Methodist if I am attending Catholic mass I sit quietly in the pew while others are taking part in communion. I pray silently.

At least you pray.

Praying for the mass to hurry up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

They would? Why? Shouldn't God encourage believers to treat it as a celebration since the child is now living in God's glory and bliss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

+1

The Catholic God's Catholic son Jesus had this thing about hating performative displays of your faith, and being showy in your practice because you know people are watching you. He said, “Be careful that you don’t practice your religion in front of people to draw their attention. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 6:1-6. I feel like spending time before you go to your four-year-old niece's funeral thinking about YOURSELF to the extent that you create a thread about this little communion thing at the funeral falls into that category.

Also, as a k-12 Catholic school surviver from a super Catholic family, I've been through thousands of Catholic masses, and I can tell you that it isn't unusual to see an actual, believing Catholic choose to quietly remain in the pew during communion, and nobody asks them about it or remarks on it. If you commit a mortal sin and haven't gone to confession, you might choose to sit out communion that day, for example. Or if you didn't fast for an hour before communion, you are supposed to sit it out, though some people still follow the "old rule" of abstaining from anything in the morning at all until after communion. Etc. If OP had remained in her pew quietly, it wouldn't have been odd and nobody would have demanded to know why or been scandalized. But no, she had to get up and cross her arm with her kid to take the blessing from a priest of a religion she is currently in the process of leaving for another. Main character syndrome, indeed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

OP here. Was supposed to say ..."got up on the altar and proclaimed how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore..."

[Anonymous]

At a relative's funeral, I encouraged my spouse, who is not Catholic, to take communion. Afterwards, other family members - all lapsed Catholics, joked around with spouse, (e.g., "Hey - I didn't know you were a Catholic in good standing!") knowing full well spouse got fooled by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a Catholic family, and if I were attending the funeral of my sibling's little child, I would just take communion even though I don't believe.

I would consider it my duty to do WHATEVER I could to minimize stress to everybody in the family. I would think taking communion and keeping my mouth shut about it were the LEAST I could do. I can't imagine being so self-absorbed as to make a thread about myself and whether I should take communion at my tiny niece's funeral.

If they wanted you to stand in a circle and worship the moon goddess, that would be your compassionate responsibility to do it, OP. These parents lost their four year old!

If there is a god, I think he would also want you to just shut up and take the communion, if there was even a modicum of a chance that not doing so would cause stress to anyone else present, or divert an iota of thought/attention away from the memory of this poor little girl.

NP. Thank you. That was my reaction to this thread. A loving God of any faith--and plain old common decency--would want OP to prioritize how she could minimize stress on the family. Not to prioritize herself and her not-quite-yet conversion (if OP is for real, which seems up for debate). And for those of you saying, "but confession," I'm not Catholic, but I truly, genuinely doubt the Catholic God is so rigid and rule-bound that he'd prefer she follow the rules and, in the process, offend a family who lost their four-year-old. C'mon, people.

The Catholic God is pretty rigid and rule-bound! You'd be surprised.

Again. Even the Catholic God would prioritize stopping OP from staging a big, main character sideshow at a child's funeral.

Since when is not taking communion a sideshow? the person staging the sideshow would be the one who got mad because OP didn’t take communion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a relative's funeral, I encouraged my spouse, who is not Catholic, to take communion. Afterwards, other family members - all lapsed Catholics, joked around with spouse, (e.g., "Hey - I didn't know you were a Catholic in good standing!") knowing full well spouse got fooled by me.

Was this supposed to be some kind of anecdote about you doing a good thing? Because it reads the opposite to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

It’s OK. OP, this is antisemitism mixed with people totally ignorant about what Catholic communion actually is. Remember that the vast majority of people actually think very little and know very little about religion (even their own) and that antisemitism is more widespread than you probably realized.

I’m glad the mass ended up going smoothly and I hope your sister is doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At a relative's funeral, I encouraged my spouse, who is not Catholic, to take communion. Afterwards, other family members - all lapsed Catholics, joked around with spouse, (e.g., "Hey - I didn't know you were a Catholic in good standing!") knowing full well spouse got fooled by me.

Was this supposed to be some kind of anecdote about you doing a good thing? Because it reads the opposite to me.

Not meant as a good thing or a bad thing. just a funny thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At a relative's funeral, I encouraged my spouse, who is not Catholic, to take communion. Afterwards, other family members - all lapsed Catholics, joked around with spouse, (e.g., "Hey - I didn't know you were a Catholic in good standing!") knowing full well spouse got fooled by me.

Was this supposed to be some kind of anecdote about you doing a good thing? Because it reads the opposite to me.

Was this supposed to be a snack? That's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My gosh, y'all.. so many of y'all acting like I got up on the altar and oroclai how I don't believe in the Catholic faith anymore, so therefore I cannot take communion.

It seems as though all those who have criticized me by saying I'm selfish and unhinged and everything else negative, cannot seem to comprehend that I can be supportive of my family while also staying true to my own personal beliefs. Why does it have to be one or the other??

Also, since most people don't read anymore, there was no scene or big deal of any kind, because, well.. I'm not actually a monster..

The point is: why did you get up at all? You could have remained in the pew and nobody would have questioned this because as a previous post explained, there are legitimate reasons why practicing Catholics would do that. Instead, you got up in the communion line, crossed your arm to show that you were not taking communion, and...received a blessing from the priest? Why get up at all? You aren't Catholic, so you weren't up there because the priest's blessing meant anything to you. You just HAD to get up and self-importantly walk through the communion line, probably sneaking side glances to see who noticed you had crossed your arm to avoid taking the wafer.

You should have stayed in the pew.