past sexual history and financial status

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The issue is that modern dating implies dating different people until exclusivity. No man is dating exclusively. So yes, it’s completely unreasonable to expect that a woman would be able to jump straight into LTRs without any shorter term attempts at relationships before. No matter how much she enjoys committed sex.its just unrealistic to expect that a woman would delay sex or anyone would stay with her without sex before marriage/moving in.

I enjoy committed sex but had several 3-6 months relationships in between long term mega relationships, because I realized the men were just not the right for for me so I kept searching. Or the man met somone else which also happens.
None of these shorter relationships started from a one night stand - usually it was a full month before I slept with a man.

Whoops quotes are messed up.

Apparently the new thing is for men to insist women stop using the dating app they matched on, before their first date or before theyve even met. These men are so afraid of being "one upped" by another man that they demand exclusivity before even seeing them with their own eyes in person.

Yes I had thus request from someone I was introduced in real life. He himself wanted to sleep with other women though .
So it’s deeply misogynistic male attitude in its core

And in most cases when relationship doesn’t work out is not because I’m seeing someone else. It’s because HE was a jerk or a bad match in other areas different than the sex

As a few recent examples - he was controlling of my time and extremely jealous; wanted us to live with his mom; didn’t want ever get married; was hiding weed addiction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:quote]DP here, but I get this. I don’t understand why women are fighting you on it.
If you are a woman who likes to have sex, you should marry a man who likes that about you. There are plenty of them out there.
It’s ridiculous to hide this fact about yourself and go on to spend your life with a man who thinks that a woman who enjoys sex is shameful. You will be miserable together.

The issue is that a woman with a low body count may love sex. Typically, this type of woman enjoys it in the context of a long-term relationship. And, it's far from given that a woman has a high body count simply because she enjoys sex. The idea that "I enjoy sex" does not mean that "I need a high body count to do so".

Many women love and enjoy sex, and have done so with two or three long-term partners before getting married. Often, these women would have actually had more sex with a steady, long-term partner (and learned more about what they enjoy) than another woman who had 10 short-term partners during the same period.

Many women who claim their total number of partners "doesn't matter" are actually triggered by the thought of being judged by that number. Admit it, let's move on.

If you find a man who does not want a woman because she has had a material number of previous partners, move on. The great thing about dating is that everyone can look for someone who meets their needs and accepts them for who they are.

I’m a married mom of four. That’s why I’m on a mommy website. I’m not triggered by any of this.

I think you are lying to yourself though if you think a lot of adult women who enjoy sex are waiting until they are months into a relationship to make sure that it’s a long term partner. People who want to have sex usually do so after a few dates. It doesn’t always work out.

There seem to be a lot of men on this website who seem shocked that they have a low libido spouse, when it kind of seems like that’s exactly what they were looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: DP here, but I get this. I don’t understand why women are fighting you on it.
If you are a woman who likes to have sex, you should marry a man who likes that about you. There are plenty of them out there.
It’s ridiculous to hide this fact about yourself and go on to spend your life with a man who thinks that a woman who enjoys sex is shameful. You will be miserable together.

Anonymous wrote: The issue is that a woman with a low body count may love sex. Typically, this type of woman enjoys it in the context of a long-term relationship. And, it's far from given that a woman has a high body count simply because she enjoys sex. The idea that "I enjoy sex" does not mean that "I need a high body count to do so".

Many women love and enjoy sex, and have done so with two or three long-term partners before getting married. Often, these women would have actually had more sex with a steady, long-term partner (and learned more about what they enjoy) than another woman who had 10 short-term partners during the same period.

Many women who claim their total number of partners "doesn't matter" are actually triggered by the thought of being judged by that number. Admit it, let's move on.

If you find a man who does not want a woman because she has had a material number of previous partners, move on. The great thing about dating is that everyone can look for someone who meets their needs and accepts them for who they are.

Let me try this again.

I’m a married mom of four. I’m not triggered by any of this.

I think you are lying to yourself though if you think a lot of adult women who enjoy sex are waiting until they are months into a relationship to make sure that it’s a long term partner. People who want to have sex usually do so after a few dates. It doesn’t always work out.

There seem to be a lot of men on this website who seem shocked that they have a low libido spouse when it kind of seems like that’s exactly what they were looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women love to try and shame men for not wanting to marry a skank - "stop being so insecure!" - but it's never going to work, sorry.

You'll never stop being insecure? Quite clear.

Imagine you are an EVP at a F100 company attending a company event with your wife. You found out at the event that your wife slept with the whole fraternity in college, and that several of those frat guys are working for you. They said behind your back that your wife was a wh**e in college. How are you going to react to this? Still feeing secure?

My husband would think this was hot. I would probably be whispering to him all night about what I did with the men that work for him and how they wish they were him tonight and going home with a whore like me instead of their anxious and uptight wives. After we got home and made sure the kids were asleep, he would probably tie me up and spank me for my transgressions and we would go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The issue is that modern dating implies dating different people until exclusivity. No man is dating exclusively. So yes, it’s completely unreasonable to expect that a woman would be able to jump straight into LTRs without any shorter term attempts at relationships before. No matter how much she enjoys committed sex.its just unrealistic to expect that a woman would delay sex or anyone would stay with her without sex before marriage/moving in.

I enjoy committed sex but had several 3-6 months relationships in between long term mega relationships, because I realized the men were just not the right for for me so I kept searching. Or the man met somone else which also happens.
None of these shorter relationships started from a one night stand - usually it was a full month before I slept with a man.

Whoops quotes are messed up.

Apparently the new thing is for men to insist women stop using the dating app they matched on, before their first date or before theyve even met. These men are so afraid of being "one upped" by another man that they demand exclusivity before even seeing them with their own eyes in person.

Yes I had thus request from someone I was introduced in real life. He himself wanted to sleep with other women though .
So it’s deeply misogynistic male attitude in its core

And in most cases when relationship doesn’t work out is not because I’m seeing someone else. It’s because HE was a jerk or a bad match in other areas different than the sex

Wait.... what?!? How did he attempt to justify that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If you feel like your partner is going to judge you for your sexual history and financial status, then they probably aren’t the right person for you. You don’t want to live your life walking on eggshells.

More or less.

Big relationships and marriages, absolutely. Someone you went on a few dates with? Does anyone care?

Financial history is similar…Does a potential spouse need to know about the time you overdrafted? No. If you have debt (student loans, credit cards, etc) or a gambling addiction or similar you should definitely discuss. I used to work in finance and dated a lot of finance bros and a PE guy who I had been dating for two months drunkenly told me one night that he bet $30K on that night’s football game (he was blackout and forgot he told me the next day…red flags all the way). He also drunkenly let slip he was kicked out of a casino for counting cards when he was away for his cousin’s bar mitzvah and just happened to drive 2-3 hours with friends to gamble. He definitely had a problem and it seemed way worse than needing to pay back student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The issue is that modern dating implies dating different people until exclusivity. No man is dating exclusively. So yes, it’s completely unreasonable to expect that a woman would be able to jump straight into LTRs without any shorter term attempts at relationships before. No matter how much she enjoys committed sex.its just unrealistic to expect that a woman would delay sex or anyone would stay with her without sex before marriage/moving in.

I enjoy committed sex but had several 3-6 months relationships in between long term mega relationships, because I realized the men were just not the right for for me so I kept searching. Or the man met somone else which also happens.
None of these shorter relationships started from a one night stand - usually it was a full month before I slept with a man.

Whoops quotes are messed up.

Apparently the new thing is for men to insist women stop using the dating app they matched on, before their first date or before theyve even met. These men are so afraid of being "one upped" by another man that they demand exclusivity before even seeing them with their own eyes in person.

Yes I had thus request from someone I was introduced in real life. He himself wanted to sleep with other women though .
So it’s deeply misogynistic male attitude in its core

And in most cases when relationship doesn’t work out is not because I’m seeing someone else. It’s because HE was a jerk or a bad match in other areas different than the sex

Wait.... what?!? How did he attempt to justify that?

He thought he was such an amazing Alpha male that women should be satisfied with what he was able to give each of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If you feel like your partner is going to judge you for your sexual history and financial status, then they probably aren’t the right person for you. You don’t want to live your life walking on eggshells.

More or less.

Big relationships and marriages, absolutely. Someone you went on a few dates with? Does anyone care?

Financial history is similar…Does a potential spouse need to know about the time you overdrafted? No. If you have debt (student loans, credit cards, etc) or a gambling addiction or similar you should definitely discuss. I used to work in finance and dated a lot of finance bros and a PE guy who I had been dating for two months drunkenly told me one night that he bet $30K on that night’s football game (he was blackout and forgot he told me the next day…red flags all the way). He also drunkenly let slip he was kicked out of a casino for counting cards when he was away for his cousin’s bar mitzvah and just happened to drive 2-3 hours with friends to gamble. He definitely had a problem and it seemed way worse than needing to pay back student loans.

Ugh gambling is SUCH a red flag.

[Anonymous]

DH would never have dated or married me if he knew about a brief but exploratory period of my life. I've never considered sharing it with him; it's irrelevant to our marriage and life. He also never asked. I'm now a conservative professional and boring mom with no edge. Maybe I'm more open-minded and less judgmental because I deviated for a moment. I appreciate the stability we have. I don't even flirt with other men.

I think sharing finances is incredibly important because marriage to an overspender is like a life sentence to financial insecurity and stress; if you fall in love with such a person, it's better never to marry and set firm boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Let me try this again.

I’m a married mom of four. I’m not triggered by any of this.

I think you are lying to yourself though if you think a lot of adult women who enjoy sex are waiting until they are months into a relationship to make sure that it’s a long term partner. People who want to have sex usually do so after a few dates. It doesn’t always work out.

There seem to be a lot of men on this website who seem shocked that they have a low libido spouse when it kind of seems like that’s exactly what they were looking for.

You are a married mom of four? Super. I am a married dad of six. However, I am not sure how either fact is relevant here.

You appear to be confusing a situtition (e.g., while dating in her 20s, a woman slept with Man A because she thought they were headed toward a relationship) and pattern (e.g., while dating in her 20s, a women slept with 20 men because ____ (insert a reason for each guy here)). A high body count results from sleeping with many men, not from sleeping with a man "after a few dates" and not having it work out. Please affirm you see the difference between a singular event and a pattern of behavior.

Women have the same rights as men to rule out a partner based on personal criteria. If either a woman or a man felt that a potential partner's past promiscuity would interfere with their relationship prospectively, they should rule them out.

Finally, why do you keep asserting that a woman's "low libido" leads to low body count? Sadly, it is common for some women to have sex with many men, not because they enjoy it but because they are looking to meet some other goal (e.g., the need for acceptance, an affirmation of their self-worth, etc.). It is also common for some women to have a low body count because they only enjoy sex in the context of a long-term relationship. Is not the essence of feminism for each woman to decide on her own what she wants (and does not want) in selecting a partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DP here, but I get this. I don’t understand why women are fighting you on it.
If you are a woman who likes to have sex, you should marry a man who likes that about you. There are plenty of them out there.
It’s ridiculous to hide this fact about yourself and go on to spend your life with a man who thinks that a woman who enjoys sex is shameful. You will be miserable together.

The error here is assuming that a woman who enjoys sex necessarily had numerous partners. In fact she can enjoy sex a lot, and still not sleep around. That's the woman that most men prefer to date and marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women love to try and shame men for not wanting to marry a skank - "stop being so insecure!" - but it's never going to work, sorry.

You'll never stop being insecure? Quite clear.

Men are never going to stop not wanting to marry skanks. Clear yet?

You probably were turned down by many "popular" attractive women who get attention from several men and can choose.

lol I keep hearing that women have “empathy” and yet they are completely unable to understand how men think or feel.

Sweetie… every man has been turned down by numerous attractive women. That’s fundamental to the male experience.

Yet it is important to understand that an attractive woman who has her pick of men isn’t necessarily going to sleep with a bazillion men.

What gives you the ick? Whatever it is, let’s say a guy with that characteristic tries to browbeat and shame you into dating him anyway. Does that work? No, probably not. Ok, that said, women who sleep with a bazillion men give me the ick when it comes to commitment and marriage. Do you get it yet?

DP here, but I get this. I don’t understand why women are fighting you on it.
If you are a woman who likes to have sex, you should marry a man who likes that about you. There are plenty of them out there.
It’s ridiculous to hide this fact about yourself and go on to spend your life with a man who thinks that a woman who enjoys sex is shameful. You will be miserable together.

It’s because he has different standards to himself and to a woman he would consider “worthy” marriage with him.

Fair. Dude is a trainwreck. But being upfront about sexual history is the best way to smoke out the misogynists.

Yes. I absolutely tell everyone I date I slept with 5 men in 2025; 0 in 2024; 2 in 2023 and 2 in 2003-2022. Because I don’t think it’s anything abnormal for a woman who is looking for her sexual match after a no very well match in marriage, among other things

Very few men would consier that problematic or abnormal though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The issue is that modern dating implies dating different people until exclusivity. No man is dating exclusively. So yes, it’s completely unreasonable to expect that a woman would be able to jump straight into LTRs without any shorter term attempts at relationships before. No matter how much she enjoys committed sex.its just unrealistic to expect that a woman would delay sex or anyone would stay with her without sex before marriage/moving in.

I enjoy committed sex but had several 3-6 months relationships in between long term mega relationships, because I realized the men were just not the right for for me so I kept searching. Or the man met somone else which also happens.
None of these shorter relationships started from a one night stand - usually it was a full month before I slept with a man.

Whoops quotes are messed up.

Apparently the new thing is for men to insist women stop using the dating app they matched on, before their first date or before theyve even met. These men are so afraid of being "one upped" by another man that they demand exclusivity before even seeing them with their own eyes in person.

lmao there are plenty of women who think you need to drop off the apps right away as soon you meet them in person or even before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH would never have dated or married me if he knew about a brief but exploratory period of my life. I've never considered sharing it with him; it's irrelevant to our marriage and life. He also never asked. I'm now a conservative professional and boring mom with no edge. Maybe I'm more open-minded and less judgmental because I deviated for a moment. I appreciate the stability we have. I don't even flirt with other men.

It's not okay to be a liar, even a liar by omission. He would have thought it was relevant if you'd told him before he proposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH would never have dated or married me if he knew about a brief but exploratory period of my life. I've never considered sharing it with him; it's irrelevant to our marriage and life. He also never asked. I'm now a conservative professional and boring mom with no edge. Maybe I'm more open-minded and less judgmental because I deviated for a moment. I appreciate the stability we have. I don't even flirt with other men.

It's not okay to be a liar, even a liar by omission. He would have thought it was relevant if you'd told him before he proposed.

Wrong. He never offered any such information about himself nor asked about me. If it were relevant and mattered, it would have come up. Both of us do our due diligence on things that are important to us.