Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

Career coach or would he consider switching careers and going into nursing/management track?

Best of luck OP. You’ll get through this!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career coach or would he consider switching careers and going into nursing/management track?

Best of luck OP. You’ll get through this!!!

Interesting idea. (And I know OP isn't looking for ideas. But I think there are others reading who are in the same situation.) I have a friend whose DH was struggling in his career while she was a SAHM. So she did a nursing program. And she was in her 50s. It has worked out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

Get real, my parents were teachers. 90% of the people who become teachers are there because they want a stable job and can’t really figure out how to get a better job and want summers off, and usually to have the flexibility for the kids.

It’s a job, and a low paid one of that, but it’s stable and attracts a certain type of person looking for that lifestyle

[Anonymous]

If he is in his 40s, the usual path of this point is to get a job in the government or similar with an employee that does not discriminate on age.

Unfortunately, that option is off the table so he should probably become a teacher

[Anonymous]

Some fields push people out mid-career, especially if they haven't established long term company loyalty and are not bringing in clients.
Finance is definitely the latter.
Any service industry - I think law, architecture. At a certain point, young graduates a few years out are cheaper compared to the older folks who aren't bringing clients in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

I totally understand this. My spouse and I both lost our jobs years ago.

We took whatever we could get and lived on basically nothing. We both ended up changing careers and both took a step down. It was tough, but we did it.

We had to move and change how we lived. Now we worked our way up, own a beautiful (small) home, travel, etc. BUT we both got our next careers through our network. My spouse had a former boss contact him about a role and we moved for it. When we arrived I networked and met people in our new area and got my job through one of those connections. I was clear I was looking (but not obnoxious) and people were willing to help. I refused to live in the "poor me" mentality and took advice and ideas from anyone who was willing. We continued to live like we had no money so we saved and invested. My husband eventually took a very hardship post and moved away in part so we could save more $. We did what we had to do for a few years (including working multiple jobs).

I have friends now who have been laid off and I am doing what I can to help them. Make connections, use my network, etc. Don't be embarrassed. This is not the time to "keep up with the neighbors" and pretend like everything is okay, because it is not.

Being a teacher is commendable. Good for you. But if you need to make more $ there are ways to do it. Many districts will help pay for continued education (if you stay). Look into special ed, Assistant Principal, etc roles. Tutor. Teach a sport after school. Work at an after care and see if your kids can get in for free or very discounted. Waitress or Instacart on weekends until your spouse has a job. Have you talked to friends/ neighbors?

I agree with others that something must be happening in the interview. He should look clean and showered, dress for the job you want not the job you have. Does he exercise? Maybe go on walks together or do free workout class trials. Your husband should temp. I know many people who got FT roles from temping. Will give him something to do in the day, something to add to his resume and maybe he will get a FT gig out of it. Also volunteer, why doesn't he volunteer 10 hours a week? Network, meet new people, etc, might be good for him.

This is a reminder to all of us to have an emergency fund and if you suddenly double your income to not spend it! Save that $, invest it, stay in your small house, etc at least for a couple years until you have money squirreled away for a rainy day.

[Anonymous]

I’d downsize, so you all can live off your income. I’m sure there are many ways he can support the family at home - driving teens to activities, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, etc. and find hobbies he enjoys. Let him enjoy his life.

[Anonymous]

My DH was laid off at 58 and never got another FT job. He is 65 now.

How we handled it: He turned to freelancing and consulting. I upped my work hours enought to get us health insurance at my company and to bring more money in.

We redid our budget, cut out a lot of the travel we used to like to do. Stopped going out much except for a Friday night date night, typically at an inexpensive ethnic restaurant.

What I DIDN'T DO: Blame my husband. It's an agist world, and he was making a good salary so he was axed.

Do encourage him to get into something, like substitute teaching or temping. One thing can lead to another!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

Somebody here might interview and hire him ... But solving the problem isn't really desired.

Yeah, OP, I think the job search is EVERYTHING. That and why he isnt interviewing well. Is he sloppy, bad hair cut, shoes, shirt, needs interview coaching, etc. It's time for all hands on deck

Good morning, OP! I'm the PP who has BTDT, pretended to be strong for DH and cried in the car. The advice this PP gives is practical and very good. Granted, easier to do at the beginning than when you're deep into the money drain. But still. I actually pushed DH into getting Botox. We also spent the money on good interviewing clothes, shoes. Made sure he had a good haircut, eyebrows not crazy, ear hair, nose hair all trimmed. (It's amazing how little things like that can really detract.) Shallow, sure, but all so that he would present younger and energetic.

If you don't have the money for a coach, then set up a camera and do pretend interviews showing only him. I know in some management training courses they do this so the person can see their own little tics. Fiddle with hair. Moving hands. Whatever it is. This might help your DH to see if he is coming across as sloppy or depressed or low even just low energy.

Maybe with some proactive steps, you both can feel a little more hopeful.

I hope you feel better this morning!

+1
This is spot on. We have people who come in to interview who may be qualified but just seem stale and frumpy from being out of the workforce. Make sure he looks polished. Exercising everyday should be a priority, both for his mental health and to keep up his appearance.
He can find tons of interview help online and should be practicing. He also needs to keep active on LinkedIn - post something every day or few days. Like other people’s posts and comment on them. Make himself active on any page of someone involved in his industry. He should also reach out to as many headhunters as he can find. One of them will click and take him on.
Finally, so he doesn’t look out of the look in the industry, he should register a consulting firm. Make a professional website (again he can do this himself or very cheaply), use the email to correspond to that website, order cards, etc. On his website, he can post case studies or whatever w/o using firm names talking about what he did in his previous roles. He needs to get his foot in the door, even doing a minor consulting role somewhere from home and things will snowball from there if he can be aggressive enough.

[Anonymous]

Echo everyones thoughts here, be open to relocation and open to contract roles

[Anonymous]

People don't realize low paid job is actually a bad solution. A man getting laid off a high paid job at 58 making around 360K a year. With two kids in college and a mortgage and a SAHM wife for instance getting a job in McDonalds or becoming a substitute teacher or school bus driver is not going to help. He can cut expenses but when you had income of 30K a month a job that pays 60K a year is not much help.

Even a 160K job you will bleed out. The clock is ticking he should be looking for 40-60 hours a week for a high paid job. He has to do at least 1,000 to 5,000 applications, following up on leads, reaching out on LinkedIn, meeting up for coffee, presenting at conferences, coming to trade groups.

I think his best choice is to find a start up looking for someone with gray hair and a good resume looking to work for peanuts with pre-IPO stock in exchange a good title. Then do that 1-2 years and try to land a good job again.

And it is ALL ON HIM. I have sisters and sister inlaws who were teachers, nurses, working in lower level marketing jobs that are jobs that never pay a ton or have been a SAHM for years. Not like their husband at 55 loses their 360K job they can magically make 360K .

[Anonymous]

Are in the DMV? How much do you make? At least your family should have good health insurance through you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People don't realize low paid job is actually a bad solution. A man getting laid off a high paid job at 58 making around 360K a year. With two kids in college and a mortgage and a SAHM wife for instance getting a job in McDonalds or becoming a substitute teacher or school bus driver is not going to help. He can cut expenses but when you had income of 30K a month a job that pays 60K a year is not much help.

Even a 160K job you will bleed out. The clock is ticking he should be looking for 40-60 hours a week for a high paid job. He has to do at least 1,000 to 5,000 applications, following up on leads, reaching out on LinkedIn, meeting up for coffee, presenting at conferences, coming to trade groups.

I think his best choice is to find a start up looking for someone with gray hair and a good resume looking to work for peanuts with pre-IPO stock in exchange a good title. Then do that 1-2 years and try to land a good job again.

And it is ALL ON HIM. I have sisters and sister inlaws who were teachers, nurses, working in lower level marketing jobs that are jobs that never pay a ton or have been a SAHM for years. Not like their husband at 55 loses their 360K job they can magically make 360K .

Spot on. He needs to get new haircut, skincare, lose weight if needed and refit his shirts to look for a busier work in less desirable locations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

I haven't read the rest of the 9 pages in this thread yet....but if he isn't working...
He needs to be doing most of the housework, food prep, and child care.

[Anonymous]

I was the high-earning wife who lost her job end of last year. DH had a head injury 6 years ago able to really get back into the workforce about 2 years ago. We have supported each other through these times.

This too will pass. Hang in there.