Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. I was a wreck. We were hemorrhaging money because our expenses had gotten really high. But what I did was tell him he was amazing, that he can do anything he put his mind to, and it would work out. (All while freaking out inside and worried he would never get another job and we'd go broke.) He needed to not feel desperate in interviews. He needed to feel confident and powerful. After he got the new, better job, he thanked me for believing in him and not freaking out.

It was a bad break, completely not his fault. And he has always supported me and our kids. He deserved to have strong support behind him.



^^^^ this is excellent advice.

OP here. Yes, this PP and others were very helpful. This particular pp has helped me reframe my mindset a bit and reminded me to try to be more of a team and supportive as I was when this all started. Thank you to that pp and many others who shared their experiences, had empathy and gave good suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to send you love, op. You might read the empowered wife. It will help your husband and help you feel less resentful.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like he did not put out enough applications a year ago. Maybe he needs you to do it (assuming he did not because he won't). In these situations, more is more. Got an interview? Keep sending out applications. Update Linkedin too. Might need to step back to step forward too with a lower position, or ask for his old job back. So sorry, I know this is brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

Somebody here might interview and hire him ... But solving the problem isn't really desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

I don’t understand this comment. If Mother Theresa complained about her HHI, she should get a different job. OP is exempt from addressing her own financial concerns because she’s a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

I don’t understand this comment. If Mother Theresa complained about her HHI, she should get a different job. OP is exempt from addressing her own financial concerns because she’s a teacher.

NOT exempt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

Somebody here might interview and hire him ... But solving the problem isn't really desired.

People dont come to an anoymous forum to get hired. That would be a first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

Somebody here might interview and hire him ... But solving the problem isn't really desired.

Yeah, OP, I think the job search is EVERYTHING. That and why he isnt interviewing well. Is he sloppy, bad hair cut, shoes, shirt, needs interview coaching, etc. It's time for all hands on deck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

I don’t understand this comment. If Mother Theresa complained about her HHI, she should get a different job. OP is exempt from addressing her own financial concerns because she’s a teacher.

I have said repeatedly that I am actively looking for higher paying jobs and additional work. Wow its incredible how adults never learned to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from man posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

I don’t understand this comment. If Mother Theresa complained about her HHI, she should get a different job. OP is exempt from addressing her own financial concerns because she’s a teacher.

I have said repeatedly that I am actively looking for higher paying jobs and additional work. Wow it’s incredible how adults never learned to read.

Why would you think that shows a lack of respect for people who teach?

[Anonymous]

I think at a certain point it is really important to get out and work in any job. Working makes you attractive and in demand to employers. People who are unemployed for a long time sometimes come off as desperate in interviews. I was a temp receptionist between law jobs and I actually learned a lot and made some good contacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

No one is disrespecting her for being an educator. She is simply hard to respect as a partner in a household with naive understanding of modern employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP probably enjoyed when he was making the big bucks for a short while, but then tries to blame him for being laid off, which is outside his control. No one has 20/20 foresight.

Maybe you should go get a better job yourself, OP. Stop blaming your husband. The economy is in shambles and no one is hiring right now for senior positions. Worse comes to worse, you sell your house, car, and posseions to downgrade your lifestyle. No big deal, they're just material things.

You need to do more to contribute yourself, from the sound of it.

One things thats been made clear from many posters is the confirmation that no one has respect for the people who teach, help and support their children in school. Its so interesting to see.

I don’t understand this comment. If Mother Theresa complained about her HHI, she should get a different job. OP is exempt from addressing her own financial concerns because she’s a teacher.

I have said repeatedly that I am actively looking for higher paying jobs and additional work. Wow its incredible how adults never learned to read.

Ok, but don't become like DH where you lack job security too. The problem is him, not you. Fix him. If he cannot get himself a job, you get it. Fix his resume, cover letter, send post interview email notes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your husband's main skills and what kind of work environment does he naturally desire?

+1 OP just wants to complain about their spouse but not give details that would allow people to give advice. I call troll.

If you read my OP youd know I came here looking to hear from those who have been in my situation and hear how it went for them, find support from then etc. I got a lot of great suggestions and am not looking for sprcific job search advice for my husband.

Somebody here might interview and hire him ... But solving the problem isn't really desired.

Yeah, OP, I think the job search is EVERYTHING. That and why he isnt interviewing well. Is he sloppy, bad hair cut, shoes, shirt, needs interview coaching, etc. It's time for all hands on deck

Good morning, OP! I'm the PP who has BTDT, pretended to be strong for DH and cried in the car. The advice this PP gives is practical and very good. Granted, easier to do at the beginning than when you're deep into the money drain. But still. I actually pushed DH into getting Botox. We also spent the money on good interviewing clothes, shoes. Made sure he had a good haircut, eyebrows not crazy, ear hair, nose hair all trimmed. (It's amazing how little things like that can really detract.) Shallow, sure, but all so that he would present younger and energetic.

If you don't have the money for a coach, then set up a camera and do pretend interviews showing only him. I know in some management training courses they do this so the person can see their own little tics. Fiddle with hair. Moving hands. Whatever it is. This might help your DH to see if he is coming across as sloppy or depressed or low even just low energy.

Maybe with some proactive steps, you both can feel a little more hopeful.

I hope you feel better this morning!