Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

You have to be realistic about who is more likely to maximize income at this point. She might be able to pivot to a state govt job making much more or a ed tech company, she is gainfully employed and ageism is actually less severe for women within education and medical fields. She could easily double her salary with the right move; he could get a job at Target and make enough to cover her gas money. You just have to be strategic and both be gunning to maintain their lifestyle.

Or they give up and move some place cheaper where a teachers salary can give a middle class lifestyle.

Instead she’s talking about her marriage dissolving and that will be the worst financial outcome.

We are in a white collar recession. He probably needs to pivot to teaching or nursing, but that will take education to become eligible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I lost my job at 49 I delivered food with Uber and doordash and made $400 per week before expenses
After all expenses it was like $200/week. It's not a lot but at least money was coming in. I was the library 3 hours a day working on new skills, reading this forum for tips, applying to jobs etc. I made sure not to read anything about AGEISM so I don't get discouraged. I got a full time job in my field 9 months later. I have a background in statistics so maybe in my field it's different.

Your DH needs a PLAN with goals. And once a week both of you need to meet and find out what he needs to work on and refine the job search strategy if needed.

He’s been unemployed for a YEAR. And his most recent job had a tenure of what 8 months? He can drop it but then he looks unemployed for TWO years. He has the stink on him, and getting a job at DoorDash will not help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I lost my job at 49 I delivered food with Uber and doordash and made $400 per week before expenses
After all expenses it was like $200/week. It's not a lot but at least money was coming in. I was the library 3 hours a day working on new skills, reading this forum for tips, applying to jobs etc. I made sure not to read anything about AGEISM so I don't get discouraged. I got a full time job in my field 9 months later. I have a background in statistics so maybe in my field it's different.

Your DH needs a PLAN with goals. And once a week both of you need to meet and find out what he needs to work on and refine the job search strategy if needed.

Congratulations. It sounds like you were very positive and motivated. I agree with the idea of working to bring anything in. I think people who are working have more hustle, and it shows in the interview. I worked as a receptionist while looking for a full time law job, and I found that people respected the fact that I was out working every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to prepare for divorce. Protect yourself and your kids first.

She can't afford a divorce. It will make their financial situation 100 times worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I lost my job at 49 I delivered food with Uber and doordash and made $400 per week before expenses
After all expenses it was like $200/week. It's not a lot but at least money was coming in. I was the library 3 hours a day working on new skills, reading this forum for tips, applying to jobs etc. I made sure not to read anything about AGEISM so I don't get discouraged. I got a full time job in my field 9 months later. I have a background in statistics so maybe in my field it's different.

Your DH needs a PLAN with goals. And once a week both of you need to meet and find out what he needs to work on and refine the job search strategy if needed.

He’s been unemployed for a YEAR. And his most recent job had a tenure of what 8 months? He can drop it but then he looks unemployed for TWO years. He has the stink on him, and getting a job at DoorDash will not help him.

A job will help. He needs to be out of the house feeling productive. He can job search and interview for five hours a day and then work four or five hours walking dogs or door dash or tutoring or at Starbucks or something. Who knows maybe that part time job will help him acquire new skills or introduce him to someone who can help or he can move up in the ranks at that job. No one has to know he’s walking dogs on Rover when he goes to interview.

[Anonymous]

PP again- and you don’t think some employers would appreciate the hustle demonstrated by doing whatever job is needed to make some money for his family? It cant look worse than being unemployed for a year and doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

You have to be realistic about who is more likely to maximize income at this point. She might be able to pivot to a state govt job making much more or a ed tech company, she is gainfully employed and ageism is actually less severe for women within education and medical fields. She could easily double her salary with the right move; he could get a job at Target and make enough to cover her gas money. You just have to be strategic and both be gunning to maintain their lifestyle.

Or they give up and move some place cheaper where a teachers salary can give a middle class lifestyle.

Instead she’s talking about her marriage dissolving and that will be the worst financial outcome.

We are in a white collar recession. He probably needs to pivot to teaching or nursing, but that will take education to become eligible.

State govt jobs typically do not pay much more than teachers. And guess who else is applying for all the state jobs right now? Laid off Feds. Heck that could be part of the problem her DH is havng - there are a lot of educated people looking for work right now, competition is high.

However, if DH can't/won't find a job in this area, relocating to somewhere with a lower COL but still decent teacher pay (not always compatible, I know) should be on the table. I'm originally from upstate NY and teaching is not considered a job for the poors like it is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again- and you don’t think some employers would appreciate the hustle demonstrated by doing whatever job is needed to make some money for his family? It cant look worse than being unemployed for a year and doing nothing.

It looks worse because it shows you are desperate for any work.

They key to long term unemployment is to spin it as a sabbatical or launching your own business. It has to be substantial with concrete deliverables and customers, a website and some business cards saying Dad, LLV won’t help. Not sure which would hurt more between the two. But if you can even get like your Church to let you work on something as a volunteer basis, and take credit, it’s something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

You have to be realistic about who is more likely to maximize income at this point. She might be able to pivot to a state govt job making much more or a ed tech company, she is gainfully employed and ageism is actually less severe for women within education and medical fields. She could easily double her salary with the right move; he could get a job at Target and make enough to cover her gas money. You just have to be strategic and both be gunning to maintain their lifestyle.

Or they give up and move some place cheaper where a teachers salary can give a middle class lifestyle.

Instead she’s talking about her marriage dissolving and that will be the worst financial outcome.

We are in a white collar recession. He probably needs to pivot to teaching or nursing, but that will take education to become eligible.

State govt jobs typically do not pay much more than teachers. And guess who else is applying for all the state jobs right now? Laid off Feds. Heck that could be part of the problem her DH is havng - there are a lot of educated people looking for work right now, competition is high.

However, if DH can't/won't find a job in this area, relocating to somewhere with a lower COL but still decent teacher pay (not always compatible, I know) should be on the table. I'm originally from upstate NY and teaching is not considered a job for the poors like it is here.

I'm from upstate NY and have considered relocating there to be near family, and I'm just not sure relocation has the same financial benefits anymore if you have a low precovid mortgage. If your house is in Arlington and worth 1.5 million it definitely is, but if you're like me and in an exurban townhome, you're just not going to make up the transaction and moving costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

You have to be realistic about who is more likely to maximize income at this point. She might be able to pivot to a state govt job making much more or a ed tech company, she is gainfully employed and ageism is actually less severe for women within education and medical fields. She could easily double her salary with the right move; he could get a job at Target and make enough to cover her gas money. You just have to be strategic and both be gunning to maintain their lifestyle.

Or they give up and move some place cheaper where a teachers salary can give a middle class lifestyle.

Instead she’s talking about her marriage dissolving and that will be the worst financial outcome.

We are in a white collar recession. He probably needs to pivot to teaching or nursing, but that will take education to become eligible.

State govt jobs typically do not pay much more than teachers. And guess who else is applying for all the state jobs right now? Laid off Feds. Heck that could be part of the problem her DH is havng - there are a lot of educated people looking for work right now, competition is high.

However, if DH can't/won't find a job in this area, relocating to somewhere with a lower COL but still decent teacher pay (not always compatible, I know) should be on the table. I'm originally from upstate NY and teaching is not considered a job for the poors like it is here.

Department of Education Salaries
Highest salary at Department of Education in year 2024 was $259,144. Number of employees at Department of Education in year 2024 was 667. Average annual salary was $79,634 and median salary was $80,133. Department of Education average salary is 70 percent higher than USA average and median salary is 84 percent higher than USA median salary.

The average annual salary for Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS) is approximately $64,398. This includes salaries for teachers, administrators, and support staff. The average teacher salary in FCPS is around $69,571, which is above the national average.

And Richmond is a lower COL than FFX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again- and you don’t think some employers would appreciate the hustle demonstrated by doing whatever job is needed to make some money for his family? It cant look worse than being unemployed for a year and doing nothing.

It looks worse because it shows you are desperate for any work.

They key to long term unemployment is to spin it as a sabbatical or launching your own business. It has to be substantial with concrete deliverables and customers, a website and some business cards saying Dad, LLV won’t help. Not sure which would hurt more between the two. But if you can even get like your Church to let you work on something as a volunteer basis, and take credit, it’s something.

I think it is subjective based on the hiring manager. But it might be better than just sitting at home surfing job listing and LinkedIn for a year because it shows that you got up and got out in the work world every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I lost my job at 49 I delivered food with Uber and doordash and made $400 per week before expenses
After all expenses it was like $200/week. It's not a lot but at least money was coming in. I was the library 3 hours a day working on new skills, reading this forum for tips, applying to jobs etc. I made sure not to read anything about AGEISM so I don't get discouraged. I got a full time job in my field 9 months later. I have a background in statistics so maybe in my field it's different.

Your DH needs a PLAN with goals. And once a week both of you need to meet and find out what he needs to work on and refine the job search strategy if needed.

He’s been unemployed for a YEAR. And his most recent job had a tenure of what 8 months? He can drop it but then he looks unemployed for TWO years. He has the stink on him, and getting a job at DoorDash will not help him.

People will understand the one 8 month stint because of layoffs all over and because he was at his previous job for 10+ years. One short role is totally fine.

OP, I feel you. My husband and I were both laid off years ago and had to move in with my in-laws (retired in early 50s with excellent 6 figure pension and healthcare covered). We took what we could and did odd jobs but they had no idea why it was so difficult to get back in the market. We both had to pivot and switch fields and take lower laying roles. We moved for work and now live in a HCOL area. They live in a LCOL/ MCOL area so now don’t understand why we live in a small house and only own one car.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore most people on here. I have been in your shoes, twice, in last year. Although I did not allow DH to be unemployed for a year. I jumped on the computer on day 1 and was updating his Linkedin and upgraded it to premium, got a reaume loaded to indeed, and fired out tons of applications and reached out to people we know, and got him new interview clothes, and wrote his cover letters and post-interview thank you emails. I was determined. Be determined! You can do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore most people on here. I have been in your shoes, twice, in last year. Although I did not allow DH to be unemployed for a year. I jumped on the computer on day 1 and was updating his Linkedin and upgraded it to premium, got a reaume loaded to indeed, and fired out tons of applications and reached out to people we know, and got him new interview clothes, and wrote his cover letters and post-interview thank you emails. I was determined. Be determined! You can do this!

How does your DH hold down a professional job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore most people on here. I have been in your shoes, twice, in last year. Although I did not allow DH to be unemployed for a year. I jumped on the computer on day 1 and was updating his Linkedin and upgraded it to premium, got a reaume loaded to indeed, and fired out tons of applications and reached out to people we know, and got him new interview clothes, and wrote his cover letters and post-interview thank you emails. I was determined. Be determined! You can do this!

Are you doing his job too?