I’m 34 and I have to ask permission for my SO to stay the night….

[Anonymous]

Their house, their rules.

But you are 34 years old and you don’t need to stay with them you can afford your own place.

Like you said, you’re not a child and so you get to make your own decisions on where you stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

She didn’t say that they were sharing the same bed. She said she was told that the 19 year olds also had to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

The religion isn’t about not allowing your date in the house, it’s about not allowing to share the same bedroom/bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there going to be children/teens there? I can see how they might not like you having a SO, especially one they just met, sleeping in bed with you when their kids are around. It can be an awkward thing to have to discuss if they have traditional views of marriage and want children in the family to follow along.

Not agreeing with them, but can see their point outside of religion.

The younger ones are bringing their girlfriends. They’ve been on family trips since they were 18/19.

They probably toe the line and ask the uncle. Do you want to go or not? Just ask, or skip the trip.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to stay in this house with such a creepy uncle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there going to be children/teens there? I can see how they might not like you having a SO, especially one they just met, sleeping in bed with you when their kids are around. It can be an awkward thing to have to discuss if they have traditional views of marriage and want children in the family to follow along.

Not agreeing with them, but can see their point outside of religion.

The younger ones are bringing their girlfriends. They’ve been on family trips since they were 18/19.

They probably toe the line and ask the uncle. Do you want to go or not? Just ask, or skip the trip.

Nah, she was already beyond curtuous asking her aunt. No need for this entire charade so some uncle gets his rocks off. The uncle can talk to his wife if he has an issue.

[Anonymous]

Another perspective is that you voluntarily decided to ask your aunt’s permission rather than just let her know who would be attending. One possibility is that she and her husband have a very different view honest type of thing. It’s possible that her husband would think this is nice because it is an opportunity for him to connect with your significant other and welcome him to the broader family unit. And they may have thought you open the door, offering this by your question to your aunt. all to say, they may see it as a chance to connect with your boyfriend, whom they are already close with, I understand, rather than to impose any patriarchy. It is possible also that, with the loss of your mom, your aunt is trying to navigate if and when to serve in their role as welcome to the broader family. I only know what you’ve written, and don’t know your aunt her husband, but if they are otherwise people you would want to spend the holiday with, I wouldn’t let what might be a mixup get in the way. You could also have a conversation with them, clarifying that you aren’t comfortable asking permission but care about them really would appreciate them welcoming your boyfriend into the fold so to speak.

If you decide to take a stand on this by distancing yourself, that is, of course your prerogative. It would just be sad for that kind of rift to happen if there was some kind of communication combined with generational misunderstanding if everyone was thinking they were doing something nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

She didn’t say that they were sharing the same bed. She said she was told that the 19 year olds also had to ask.

Op has repeatedly said she didn’t ask to if they could share a bed. She simply asked if he could even vist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

She didn’t say that they were sharing the same bed. She said she was told that the 19 year olds also had to ask.

Op has repeatedly said she didn’t ask to if they could share a bed. She simply asked if he could even vist.

You can’t seriously believe that she wasn’t expecting to share the bed with him and that they didn’t know that. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

She didn’t say that they were sharing the same bed. She said she was told that the 19 year olds also had to ask.

Op has repeatedly said she didn’t ask to if they could share a bed. She simply asked if he could even vist.

You can’t seriously believe that she wasn’t expecting to share the bed with him and that they didn’t know that. Get real.

Since OP has repeatedly said she was fine with not sharing a bed while there, why do you feel the need to call her a liar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is Christian but not religious

I’m 34, almost 35, and my SO is 35. Every year my family (~20) gets a beach house for the holidays. They have a rule about unmarried couples staying in the same bed…yadda yadda. Whatever, fine. Now, this idea to all come together was my mom and her sister’s idea - There’s 5 sisters. Unfortunately, my mom passed away three months so this season will be first holiday without her. So knowing their no sleeping in the same bed rule, out of courtesy, I contacted my aunt ( the one who paid for the house this year) to ask if it’s okay to bring my SO just for one night (we have the house for a week).

She said to ask her husband, by marriage. That, “he would love it for you to ask him. Also, all of the other nephews were required to ask him as well”. The nephews with SO are 19 years old by the way….

I honestly this is incredibly weird and off putting. I’m 34, and why do I need to defer to another man who isn’t my dad?
I had to be the black sheep and sound like a brat but this makes me not want to spend that much time there if I’m going to be treated like a child.

Am I just being a brat, or is this a pretty weird ask of my aunt?

By the way, my family met my SO last month and loved him. The uncle in question turns out is really, really close to my SO’s family, so this isn’t because they dislike him.

Are you crazy? Stay in a hotel/motel or don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to stay in this house with such a creepy uncle?

Aunt and Uncle are paying. They have religious convictions about unmarried people sharing a bed or roof, unclear which. Aunt is asked a question that she is justifiably concerned might not go over well with husband. She says she has to check with him. How is uncle now creepy??

If you don’t like the rules - knowing in advance what their convictions are - then get a hotel room.

None of this is hard and none of it warrants name calling the uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to stay in this house with such a creepy uncle?

Aunt and Uncle are paying. They have religious convictions about unmarried people sharing a bed or roof, unclear which. Aunt is asked a question that she is justifiably concerned might not go over well with husband. She says she has to check with him. How is uncle now creepy??

If you don’t like the rules - knowing in advance what their convictions are - then get a hotel room.

None of this is hard and none of it warrants name calling the uncle.

they are PAYING THIS YEAR, because it's their turn. So they aren't any more entitled to the house than anyone else who is in the rotation and pays when it's their turn. Why are some of you incapable of reading??????????????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?

She didn’t say that they were sharing the same bed. She said she was told that the 19 year olds also had to ask.

Op has repeatedly said she didn’t ask to if they could share a bed. She simply asked if he could even vist.

Please show me where she said that. Not saying you’re wrong, just that I haven’t seen it, possibly because OP has responded a few times not saying up front she is OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to stay in this house with such a creepy uncle?

Aunt and Uncle are paying. They have religious convictions about unmarried people sharing a bed or roof, unclear which. Aunt is asked a question that she is justifiably concerned might not go over well with husband. She says she has to check with him. How is uncle now creepy??

If you don’t like the rules - knowing in advance what their convictions are - then get a hotel room.

None of this is hard and none of it warrants name calling the uncle.

they are PAYING THIS YEAR, because it's their turn. So they aren't any more entitled to the house than anyone else who is in the rotation and pays when it's their turn. Why are some of you incapable of reading??????????????????

I’m capable of reading just fine. THIS YEAR they are paying. OP isn’t complaining about another year. The point stands.