I’m 34 and I have to ask permission for my SO to stay the night….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there going to be children/teens there? I can see how they might not like you having a SO, especially one they just met, sleeping in bed with you when their kids are around. It can be an awkward thing to have to discuss if they have traditional views of marriage and want children in the family to follow along.

Not agreeing with them, but can see their point outside of religion.

But why does she have to ask the husband separately? Why wouldn't asking the wife be sufficient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

If you pay then bring him no questions asked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there are children/teens in the house, it's setting an example. It could be. Even some liberal adults may not want the younger ones to think, that in the eyes of their parents, that this is ok.

OR it could be that -any- additional guest (relationship context unimportant) needs the ok from someone or a specific small group of someones. They've been tasked with management of the house. They've probably written up guidelines/rules. It's a thankless task. If rules are followed, the hope is decisions are equitable to all.

She’s not even asking to sleep in the same room she’s just asking if he can come for a night,

[Anonymous]

I'm older than you (39) and all the parents of my generation would treat me / us the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
At 34 knowing the rules of your family I wouldn't ask.

Get your own place for the two of you.

This is what I'd do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there going to be children/teens there? I can see how they might not like you having a SO, especially one they just met, sleeping in bed with you when their kids are around. It can be an awkward thing to have to discuss if they have traditional views of marriage and want children in the family to follow along.

Not agreeing with them, but can see their point outside of religion.

The younger ones are bringing their girlfriends. They’ve been on family trips since they were 18/19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

This isn’t about her being a child. It’s about the payer of the rental house not wanting unmarried couples sleeping together under the roof they pay for. Either deal with that as their guest or don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there going to be children/teens there? I can see how they might not like you having a SO, especially one they just met, sleeping in bed with you when their kids are around. It can be an awkward thing to have to discuss if they have traditional views of marriage and want children in the family to follow along.

Not agreeing with them, but can see their point outside of religion.

The younger ones are bringing their girlfriends. They’ve been on family trips since they were 18/19.

In same bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there are children/teens in the house, it's setting an example. It could be. Even some liberal adults may not want the younger ones to think, that in the eyes of their parents, that this is ok.

OR it could be that -any- additional guest (relationship context unimportant) needs the ok from someone or a specific small group of someones. They've been tasked with management of the house. They've probably written up guidelines/rules. It's a thankless task. If rules are followed, the hope is decisions are equitable to all.

She’s not even asking to sleep in the same room she’s just asking if he can come for a night,

Where did OP say they aren’t in the same room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

This isn’t about her being a child. It’s about the payer of the rental house not wanting unmarried couples sleeping together under the roof they pay for. Either deal with that as their guest or don’t.

I hope OP remembers this when it's her turn in the rotation to pay for the house, and makes up some kind of a weird rule for her aunt and uncle.

To the PP, she is not a guest if they take turns paying. It's like either everyone can pay a little portion every year, or they all rotate paying for the whole house every few years. That means OP IS PAYING. She was being overly considerate to her aunt and asked permission to bring her partner. No way I would do this weird dance with asking the uncle too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
At 34 knowing the rules of your family I wouldn't ask.

Get your own place for the two of you.

This. I'd leave the house for the nights my SO was there and stay somewhere else. That way it's even more obvious we are sinning, but doing it under our own financial roof .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are too old to be staying in a house that someone else pays for.

Get your own house with your sisters or get a hotel room.

???

It’s a giant house that accommodates 20+ people and it’s been a family tradition and we rotate each year who pays……

Have you paid for the whole giant house?

That’s why she went to the person who paid and asked. Next question…

Wrong. She said “we” rotate. If by “we” she means her parents and not her, then she’s still a child and has to do what the aunt says. End of story.

No, she’s not still a child. Not paying doesn’t mean you get to treat an adult as a child. You graciously pay or you ask others to chip in. Money doesn’t give you the right to be condescending.

False. The person paying gets to do what they want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can vote with their feet (or their wallet.) OP wants to do neither and just complain and get her way.

It's not really about the rule, it's about the weird creepy "he would love to be asked" thing. Like he gets some kind of thrill out of it, and he won't authorize his wife to communicate the information.

He might have a stronger religious position on this than she does so she wants to check with him before agreeing.

But he's already letting 19-year-olds have guests stay over! What religion would allow that but not this?