Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s time for a lawyer. While some excuses may be made for not following the IEP correctly, there is no reason why the school would not be able to provide related services. That’s outrageous.

This. And the posters saying “but they can’t! Teachers are in an impossible position! Stop complaining! Bring treats!” - your interests do not align with OP’s or her child’s. And you seem to have absolutely no understanding of how change is achieved when there are laws in place, funding set based on how those laws are applied, and stakes in not giving children services. Change is achieved by taking legal action at this point in time with the legal framework in place. You may not like it because it impacts you in the short term. It’s like people who don’t want people to sue based on work place injuries because other people will lose their jobs. Structural change is done this way. OP, advocate for your child. The real answer is however - and the reason people do not do it this way - is that it is cheaper and so much faster to find a good private school. That is what we did for K. My kid also wasn’t violent or eloping but extremely defiant, hyper, mildly intellectually disabled. It was a disaster in pre k and I saw the writing on the wall. In your case I think it depends on what change is available which is why you need to consult with a lawyer. Build a case for private placement perhaps. If your child has medical health issues, it may be much easier. Sending him home every day might possibly support a case for a one on one as may a condition like epilepsy. Figure out all your options. Look into privates. Look into homeschooling. Understanding what you can do is empowering.

Don’t you realize how many SN parents do this? They ask stretched public schools who literally don’t sometimes have the funds for adequate supplies, paper, etc and are dealing with ratios of 1:30, insane standards, kids with numerous behavioral
problems and social emotional
Issues the level of which you have no idea (domestic violence, kids who are victims of incest, kids whose parents are addicts, etc) for excessive levels of support they literally cannot provide because schools aren’t funded properly. It’s a lose lose situation for all. It turns the relationship contentious, and then it turns your kid into even more of a problem child than they already are.

Understand that literally everyone understands and wants your kid to get the support they are legally entitled to. Believe that no one is acting in bad faith. But schools are often asked to do the impossible with few resources and they literally cannot provide sometimes the level of accommodation that each child needs. If you realize that and approach the relationship as that of a team, you will be doing more to serve your child. You may have to adjust your expectations, and assume good intent. Being angry that your kid is not getting services week one of school is ridiculous. That is not realistic for any school, public or private. You win more flies with honey. Lawyering up the second month into K is setting up your kid to fail at the school.

I’m going to start flagging your comments for deletion. OP says it has been FIVE weeks with no related services and the school is kicking her child out repeatedly. The school is failing BADLY. Whether or not it’s because they don’t have the resources is irrelevant. Unless you have a practical suggestion go away. This is not the uwu we wuv teachers! board.

Is your name Jeff? No? Then zip it and take a seat. No one appointed you board monitor.

weird how all the overworked, martyr teachers always have endless time to post during the school day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

+1

1. It is the parent's job to advocate for their children
2. It is the school's job to allocate their resources to meet their legal obligations
3. It is elected officials' job to allocate sufficient resources for schools to meet their legal obligation

It is not the parent's job to decide how to allocate limited resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

It's not OP's problem, but OP asked about how the school view her and her kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

It's not OP's problem, but OP asked about how the school view her and her kid

Op here. Actually, I didn’t. I already know how the school views me and my son.

I asked other parents how they handle knowing that the school views their kid as a problem, because I am finding it very painful. I hate sending my kid somewhere that treats him as an inconvenience because he has special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

It's not OP's problem, but OP asked about how the school view her and her kid

God I hope you are not a teacher. Lord help us all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

It's not OP's problem, but OP asked about how the school view her and her kid

No, OP asked how to cope with how the school views her and her kid. Obviously, not advocating for her kid is not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

There are federal laws that allocate thst federal funding will be provided to address these special education needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

OP's asking if their kids isn't liked, they're your answer

Yeah, the reason you don't like kids with disabilities is because their parents want them to receive the services in their IEPs and be allowed to remain at school for the full day. Good justification. Hope you feel great about that one. Bad, angry, unreasonable parents! So unlikeable!

Resources are zero sum. The more hours allocated to OP's kid, the less to other kids

I am not sure if you can't or won't understand that that. is. not. OP's. problem. She cannot drop her duty to advocate for her child because it might mean someone else doesn't get everything they are entitled to. It would make it easier for the school, sure. It would preserve resources, no, unlikely, right?

It's not OP's problem, but OP asked about how the school view her and her kid

Op here. Actually, I didn’t. I already know how the school views me and my son.

I asked other parents how they handle knowing that the school views their kid as a problem, because I am finding it very painful. I hate sending my kid somewhere that treats him as an inconvenience because he has special needs.

You've called them out on that, right? Directly? What is he doing that ends up with a call for pick up?

I was the PITA. The only physically disabled student in a very small town. My PE teacher hated me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

If they can't implement the IEP they should be paying for a private placement. There's federal law on this...schools don't just get to say whoopsie, can't serve this disabled kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would happen if you didn't pick him up when they called? It's a violation of his civil rights for them to exclude him from school like that.

she needs to document it. they’re doing her a big favor for her future case for parent-initiated private placement. in fact there’s some argument for pulling him right now because the facts are good for OP …

I wonder if this isn't the school's hope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.