Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

Are you unfamiliar with the concept of an IEP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

Frustrating as that is, it might be time to add in some private services. You can fight and fight. And you can try to hold them accountable and get them to provide compensatory services. But in the meantime unless you do it privately, it doesnt sound like it will happen.

As to people not liking your kid, I didn’t experience that. One of my goals was always to make everyone love my child and want to give him everything he needed and more - and I was successful at this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

Frustrating as that is, it might be time to add in some private services. You can fight and fight. And you can try to hold them accountable and get them to provide compensatory services. But in the meantime unless you do it privately, it doesnt sound like it will happen.

As to people not liking your kid, I didn’t experience that. One of my goals was always to make everyone love my child and want to give him everything he needed and more - and I was successful at this.

This is just super obnoxious. Read the room. Many of us have kids that due to issues from their disabilities have major social issues and difficulties and aren’t “charming” and loved by all. Quit giving yourself credit for making everyone love your kid? Please. It’s not OP’s fault that her child has disabilities that make handling him difficult and do not inspire “love”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

Frustrating as that is, it might be time to add in some private services. You can fight and fight. And you can try to hold them accountable and get them to provide compensatory services. But in the meantime unless you do it privately, it doesnt sound like it will happen.

As to people not liking your kid, I didn’t experience that. One of my goals was always to make everyone love my child and want to give him everything he needed and more - and I was successful at this.

Op here. He gets ongoing private therapy and intensive therapy every summer and school break. That is actually the reason why he needs services in the classroom. I’ve worked this hard on my end with private therapy but he cannot generalize the skills to the classroom. More private therapy isn’t going to move the needle at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard OP. I slowly got a tough skin about it but will still be shocked by how intolerant and unkind people routinely are to people with disabilities. It’s the same people that are all yay be kind so it’s also incredible how little self awareness people have. Bottom line is people do not want to feel like your childs needs impact them in any way, from having to speak to them to having them in their child’s class. Yes. It’s sad. It’s a hard truth. I am a very conventionally attractive and successful person with a lot of $ and privilege and it was a hard lesson to learn.

Op here. Thank you. This is spot on and the kind of input I was seeking. This is crushing me. I shouldn’t be shocked but I did expect more from the school, especially because I have a NT child who is older and goes to this school. I thought I knew them. It makes the sudden 180 towards me feel so personal.

I totally get that schools are always having to do more with less and that my kid needs more support than other kids. I didn’t expect the school to be so transparent about what an inconvenience my child is. He didn’t choose to be disabled and I didn’t choose it for him either. Disabled people exist and are allowed to take up space. Like what’s the alternative? What do people expect me to do? Believe me if I could make my kid easier, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

This. Former teacher, daughter and sister of teachers, and parent of two SN kids. You need to lower your expectations and give them some time. Kindergarten is a major, difficult transition for most kids and the first few months are spent figuring out the kid’s skills and abilities and teaching them how to function with the routines and expectations of a school environment. Some kids are still having accidents, some kids are coming in with zero English, home issues, hungry, absolutely zero pre-K skills, etc.

Don’t assume ill will on the part of the school, realize that public school teachers are asked to do far too much and teaching 30 kindergarteners is an insanely difficult job. Some teachers will be better with the IEP than others. That’s just how it goes. Realize that the teacher has many kids with 504 and IEP plans, and probably a bunch with other issues you don’t even know about. Instead of being sad, give it a bit more time before you assume the worst. Realize you may get less than what you feel your child deserves but that teachers are human beings doing a difficult job and are doing their best. You can certainly be that parent who lawyers up and throws the book at your school but in my experience making friends with the school administration, volunteering, being an active PTA member and parent, and being helpful and accommodating actually helps my child get what they need with their 504 far more than being demanding and sad or angry.

Personally, I have lowered my expectations for what the school will do and increased the work I do at home with my kids, both academically, OT type activities, social/emotional learning, etc. I work full-time and don’t have any more time
Than anyone else, but have had to step in to fill the gaps when the therapies fall
Short or when my kids aren’t learning what they need to learn and need extra help. Not what I thought I’d be doing as a parent but that’s life.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why the SN forum is suddenly filled with people who clearly don't like or understand kids with disabilities. I'm sorry they came into your thread, OP. You're doing everything right.

Do you have a community of other parents of kids with disabilities? That was a life saver for me, especially when my kid was that age. You need a place to express exasperation and frustration without your child being judged. Good teachers won't hold your (necessary) advocacy against your son, but good teachers will also implement the IEP, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

the BIP may be no good OP. A BIP designed by someone with no classroom experience might fail. Unclear what the behaviors are that warrant the BIP, but if they don’t involve aggression or elopement, they may not be as bad as you think, and the teachers may not feel the need to respond exactly as the BIP says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

That’s still extremely early. If they don’t have the staff, they don’t have the staff. What do you want them to do? Public education has been gutted and often isn’t funded well or adequately all. Sure, it’s not fair to you or your child, but it’s also not fair to anyone else. Our school has trouble staffing because teachers are paid horribly yet are expected to work miracles and people just don’t want the job anymore. You try teaching 30 kindergarteners without a paraeducator or support person and I promise you’d run screaming from the classroom.

Reasonable expectations, OP. Unless
You have the money for private and a class size of 10 you can’t expect a teacher with 30 students to be perfectly implementing your son’s BIP 5 weeks in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

I was going to say lawyer up and force the school to implement the IEP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

the BIP may be no good OP. A BIP designed by someone with no classroom experience might fail. Unclear what the behaviors are that warrant the BIP, but if they don’t involve aggression or elopement, they may not be as bad as you think, and the teachers may not feel the need to respond exactly as the BIP says.

Op here. I am not sure why you think the BIP was “designed by someone with no classroom experience.” We put it in place in this same school district during pre-k, and his pre-k class implemented it and he was doing well.

The school has called me multiple times this year asking me to pick my child up from school, so there are issues. It’s just not elopement or violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

the BIP may be no good OP. A BIP designed by someone with no classroom experience might fail. Unclear what the behaviors are that warrant the BIP, but if they don’t involve aggression or elopement, they may not be as bad as you think, and the teachers may not feel the need to respond exactly as the BIP says.

Op here. I am not sure why you think the BIP was “designed by someone with no classroom experience.” We put it in place in this same school district during pre-k, and his pre-k class implemented it and he was doing well.

The school has called me multiple times this year asking me to pick my child up from school, so there are issues. It’s just not elopement or violence.

You need to tell us what your son is doing, OP. It’s not helpful if you’re lamenting that “everyone hates him” (hint: that’s black and white thinking and creating a false binary that is not true) if you aren’t actually sharing what he’s doing that’s causing the school to ask you to come get him early multiple times. That’s an important detail
You need to share if you want helpful answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

That’s still extremely early. If they don’t have the staff, they don’t have the staff. What do you want them to do? Public education has been gutted and often isn’t funded well or adequately all. Sure, it’s not fair to you or your child, but it’s also not fair to anyone else. Our school has trouble staffing because teachers are paid horribly yet are expected to work miracles and people just don’t want the job anymore. You try teaching 30 kindergarteners without a paraeducator or support person and I promise you’d run screaming from the classroom.

Reasonable expectations, OP. Unless
You have the money for private and a class size of 10 you can’t expect a teacher with 30 students to be perfectly implementing your son’s BIP 5 weeks in.

Op here. Do you know anything at all about IEPs, the ADA, or IDEA? It feels like you don’t.

My son has received none of the therapies he’s supposed to be getting. Like not one session this year so far. And they keep calling me to come get him early from school.

[Anonymous]

The BIP must have been developed in the special ed preschool program not the kindergarten with input from the kindergarten team if he entered with a BIP. The staffing in a preschool vs kindergarten is drastically different. The expectations are different.

The ratios are like 8 students to one teacher in a preschool or at most 10 to 12 students to one teacher and there are often aids and special education teachers in public special ed inclusion preschools. So there might be 12 students with 3 to 4 adults. In kindergarten general education it is more like 20 to 25 students with one teacher and maybe an aide part of the day but that isn't even guaranteed in a lot of schools.

A preschool student can not be having the best day so not sit down at circle time on the rug and there is an adult to let the student take a break in a quieter area while other adults keep the other students on the carpet continuing to participate. In kindergarten with 25 students and several who have never been in school, if one student gets to get up from the carpet then others follow.

The first month of school is really, really stressful for kindergarten teachers, first time parents sending their kids to kindergarten, and the students. Already requiring an IEP meeting the first month of school is not going to endear you to anyone.