Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I'm really surprised that a public school is allowing a private volunteer. If other SN parents find out, does the school allow it for them too? What if they can't afford it? They're writing an IEP that requires parents to spend money for in school staff which seems questionable. Another similarly situated parent who can't afford it could easily push a due process complaint because the school is admitting that it doesn't have the necessary staffing to support mainstreaming and that with staffing progress can be made

they’re allowing it because they are a clownshow school.

OP what you’re saying about private v school services makes sense but I’d encourage you to start thinking about academics primarily and stop spinning wheels about social skills/therapy/ot (unless specifically re handwritin)/etx. K is about learning to read and write and do math. Currently they are not teaching your kid that because they cannot even keep him in the classroom. Hire academic tutors and go see a lawyer about getting reimbursed and possibly a different school placement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

His IEP states a 1:1 aide and they aren't providing it?

Something doesn't make sense. Nothing you've said here warrants pick up.

As far as dealing with them not liking you/him, you just have to do it. I'm sorry.

What are you talking about? If you’re going to take the time to respond you should take the time to read. No, his IEP doesn’t state that. This is a short term solution offered by the school. And you just have to do it? What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

+1 Exactly! Maybe the PTA can fund services so every child can read instead of their latest fundraising for some stupid teacher appreciation initiative.

We would love to, but the school board won't let us do things like this because then it would be unequal across schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

+1 Exactly! Maybe the PTA can fund services so every child can read instead of their latest fundraising for some stupid teacher appreciation initiative.

We would love to, but the school board won't let us do things like this because then it would be unequal across schools.

What? This makes no sense. It’s already unequal across schools. What are you prattling on about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

+1 Exactly! Maybe the PTA can fund services so every child can read instead of their latest fundraising for some stupid teacher appreciation initiative.

We would love to, but the school board won't let us do things like this because then it would be unequal across schools.

What? This makes no sense. It’s already unequal across schools. What are you prattling on about?

+1 PTA's fund all sorts of extra services like yoga or karate during the school day all the time. I challenge the pp to name the school where they tried to fund services for SN kids and the school refused to allow them.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? If he is 5, when does he turn 6?

Sorry you are having to deal with it but kindergarten is absolutely brutal for active boys (and girls, but it tends mainly to be boys). Way too many 5 year old boys are just not meant to sit for that long. Yes the school should be willing to implement the IEP and he should be getting services but it is never going to be ideal because it is so structured and academically focused.

I had to take my 5 year old son out of kindergarten because he just couldn't handle sitting and not getting up to wander and explore. After a month where we were all miserable so I sent him to an outdoor type preschool that was all play based. He went from being miserable to loving school. I could totally tell his public K teacher disliked him and was happy for him to leave. It made my so sad that she couldn't see any of his good qualities. I really didn't want my son to pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

One other reason for sending him home is that he may be incontinent. (I’m presuming when OP says not violent, he’s not tearing the classroom apart either).

Regardless of the reason, OP has identified problems. But she doesn’t seem to be asking about resolution. Rather than find out when they expect to have therapists for the pullouts and what the plan is if that doesn’t happen, she seems to be digging in saying they have to provide what they clearly can’t.

Also just because a BIP was developed with the current team does not mean it’s one that will work. That’s another thing that OP seems to just be complaining about. It would be more helpful to regroup as a team and revise if it’s not working or unable to be implemented.

I guess what I’m saying is that you can always demand and hire lawyers and the like. But until you actually know the problem and whether there is a solution that can be developed, it’s pretty useless to complain. Of course you might get compensatory services - a few years down the road. But the problem is now.

omg just stfu. the answer to all of these questions is for the SCHOOL to figure it out and to provide the necessary services. OP is AT HOME - she cannot analyze the SCHOOL behavior or come up with a plan for the school. The school has to do that. It’s entirely possible that the child needs a different placement but seriously stfu about mom needing to do more here. this is 100% on the school and the school is failing. whether or not you think the school has a good excuse for failing (lack of resources), the school is failing.

As a parent, you are part of the team that has to make the school experience successful. Recognizing that is one of the reasons I was successful in getting my child what they needed, including a non Mainstream placement.

What OP is doing is the equivalent of banging her head against a wall. If she never figures out the underlying problem, she’s just going to keep banging away and wonder why she’s not getting results. Us BTDT parents do have worthwhile advice and suggestions even if you, PP, don’t like them. And not everyone has the money for a lawyer.

Well the school is still failing. Sure OP needs to be strategic but there’s no reason to tiptoe around it. Sending a kid with a BIP home repeatedly is unacceptable. If OP cannot afford a lawyer look into whether there is an Ombudsman.

Not the PP you’re responding to, but I think if OP is asked to pick her child up she should have it documented as a suspension. Because once her kid is suspended 5x the school has to call a meeting and figure out specific services or potentially private placement that will work (funded by the school system). If she just picks her kid up “off the books” then she is making their job easier without furthering the process for her kid to get help.

If what other posters are saying is true that the teachers/admin are not equipped to provide services for her child, then this needs to be documented for everyone’s sake so that things can proceed onward. Like ok this school cannot help OP’s kid, so let’s find the placement that will. And she shouldn’t have to pay for her kid’s education if the public school cannot accommodate him. The law says they have to find him a place he can have his needs met (in the least restrictive environment, which may not be mainstream public school).

The second best case scenario (aside from the public mainstream class being accommodating) is to get the school in agreement he needs a different placement so OP can fight for funding for that.

Could also request a 1:1

Good point. A case could be made for an aide. OP needs to document, document, document. Use the school’s own apparent admission that they cannot provide appropriate accommodations and services against them. Put it in email. Per our discussion on [date] you indicated that you could no provide X service due to Y. Make all pickups a true suspension.

Where is the school getting the funding for another aide or for 1:1 or are you just going to remove that from another kid whose mom isn't as loud or maybe the kids with IEPs can get crammed into larger classes to free up another FTE for your kid.

Dude, dim one. That’s not OP’s problem. That’s the school’s problem. You don’t get to tell people who lose hands on equipment at work to suck it up and not advocate because other people might lose their jobs. Try to understand how this all works. It does suck for kids whose parents don’t advocate. That doesn’t mean we all have to be those parents. This isn’t the lowest common denominator and parents are the most invested in their children’s outcome. If your heart bleeds for these other kids, donate money to a non profit, pay for a legal fund.

+1 Exactly! Maybe the PTA can fund services so every child can read instead of their latest fundraising for some stupid teacher appreciation initiative.

We would love to, but the school board won't let us do things like this because then it would be unequal across schools.

What? This makes no sense. It’s already unequal across schools. What are you prattling on about?

+1 PTA's fund all sorts of extra services like yoga or karate during the school day all the time. I challenge the pp to name the school where they tried to fund services for SN kids and the school refused to allow them.

Even wealthy PTAs can't afford much in the way of enrichment. The PTAs I'm familiar with are below $50K a year in budget...more like $35K.

I've heard of some wealthy places in CA having $200Kish.

Even at $200K, and my local wage rates in flyover country, you couldn't even get more than a couple teachers or a handful of parapros with the entire budget.

A yoga class might be what...a couple thousand bucks, maybe?

Who really thinks PTAs could fill this gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

Op here. Curious if ableism will ever become something that is as shameful as racism? I keep thinking of how horrified people would be if my kid was treated this way because of his race. But since he’s treated this way because of a disability, it feels defensible to people. This is the mindset that has shocked me. I was naive. I can’t imagine a group more deserving of compassion than disabled children, and yet, here we are. I’m just shocked people don’t even try to hide their bias.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry. We had an opposite experience where our private preschool was awful and straight up hated our kid and wanted them out. It was a nightmare. You could feel the active dislike.

Public school was much better. My SN kid is my oldest so it wasn’t until my second went to school that I realized how much a school will fawn over students they like but they were always fine and solution oriented in their interactions about my child.

I did the same in. Terms of doing everything privately that we could. I have been frustrated with a couple previous posts in the past where a parent is incensed the school won’t pay for speech for their child who is understandable but has mild issues. That’s something that really can be addressed outside school and generally is covered by insurance! That’s not a battle I would pick and it’s hard not to feel like they are taking up resources by fighting the school over and over when so many of us need things to happen during the actual school day and there really is no alternative! Especially given I was told most privates would not take my 2e kid.

I have posted before that I have been on both sides of this before because my younger child ended up being repeatedly evacuated from his k class because of another student’s behavior. From what I saw our school also handled that incredibly well. They did have a 1:1 in place after just a few weeks and the majority of issues were much improved within the first three months of school. I think schools can do more if they want to but that was an extremely veteran teacher who knew just what to do.

Also I work for the government in a totally different capacity but guess what gets more funding? Not silent suffering! Clear documentation and lots and lots of pressure on the people who actually have the ability to effect change. Those people are largely not at your school. I would be very polite when interacting with the school but absolutely insistent on continuing to request changes when things aren’t working. Keep that documentation going! And if you go over the school’s head, you can couch it as, I appreciate you are doing the best you can with the resources you have, this is me trying to make a case for getting you more resources.

Just wanted to end with a hopeful note- I really do think for many of these kids K is the worse. We are several years ahead of you and things have gotten better each year. Some from maturity and some from knowing how to support my child better. Keep in mind it’s a long road, be polite and firm and don’t ever feel bad for advocating for your child. Keep in mind lots of parents of NT kids advocate for their kids- I could not believe how incredibly upset a fellow parent was about the level of enrichment our kids were getting. Like yes it isn’t great but again I can practice math facts with my kid or take them to tutoring to get them even *more* ahead.

[Anonymous]

Your child needs a 1 on 1 aide.

Get a lawyer or advocate.

I made this happen for my son, now 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

Op here. Curious if ableism will ever become something that is as shameful as racism? I keep thinking of how horrified people would be if my kid was treated this way because of his race. But since he’s treated this way because of a disability, it feels defensible to people. This is the mindset that has shocked me. I was naive. I can’t imagine a group more deserving of compassion than disabled children, and yet, here we are. I’m just shocked people don’t even try to hide their bias.

DP. How do you know PP doesn't also have a child with SN, who would be incredibly distracted or anxious in a learning environment with the behaviors being described and unable to access instruction?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if it’s any consolation but so many teachers and admin dislike even NT active kids, especially if they are unconventional in other ways too.
Talking to other kids, friendly pushing in line, lying down on the carpet - these are seen as crimes by so many teachers.
I am sorry you are going through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

Op here. Curious if ableism will ever become something that is as shameful as racism? I keep thinking of how horrified people would be if my kid was treated this way because of his race. But since he’s treated this way because of a disability, it feels defensible to people. This is the mindset that has shocked me. I was naive. I can’t imagine a group more deserving of compassion than disabled children, and yet, here we are. I’m just shocked people don’t even try to hide their bias.

DP. How do you know PP doesn't also have a child with SN, who would be incredibly distracted or anxious in a learning environment with the behaviors being described and unable to access instruction?

.

give me a break. We know.