Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I'm really surprised that a public school is allowing a private volunteer. If other SN parents find out, does the school allow it for them too? What if they can't afford it? They're writing an IEP that requires parents to spend money for in school staff which seems questionable. Another similarly situated parent who can't afford it could easily push a due process complaint because the school is admitting that it doesn't have the necessary staffing to support mainstreaming and that with staffing progress can be made

And this is why teachers and admin are quitting because they are in a no win situation. If they write an IEP in good faith for what would help a student but don’t have the resources that’s a problem. If they write an IEP with only what they reasonably can provide currently that’s a problem. All of which can get them sued or negative press. In the meantime a teacher is in a classroom with students with 504s, IEPs, ELLs, students on grade level, above grade level, behind grade level, and students who likely need an IEP. And there’s 20+ students.

In many of these situations it’s not that teachers are biased against a kid. They are merely in a no win situation and be expected to operate like saints and deliver results for everyone.

I’m not unsympathetic to the OPs concern for her kid. But she’s concerned about one student. The teacher is responsible for all the students in the classroom learning.

reported. this is not the place. yeah OP knows well that the school is failing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

The school district will pay for the new school if OP plays her cards right.

Only if there is an appropriate private school. As many of us can attest there are not many schools that are appropriate for normal IQ kids with “behaviors.” But since OP’s child isn’t showing aggression or eloping maybe there are more options.

In any event - yes, it is time to call in the reinforcements. A consultant to help identify other programs and to help you communicate with the school. I hired a non-lawyer consultant to go to IEP meetings specifically to be a little more cooperative than a lawyer while still speaking for me. In OP’s case though I would definitely be also talking to a lawyer to prep for legal action.

I would convene an IEP meeting now with the consultant on board to demand additional resources- a 1:1 and a BCBA to train the teachers.

Why not request a puppy too? You can't get resources a school doesn't have

[Anonymous]

all these trolls need to go back to wherever they wandered in from.


I 100% agree with sabre tooth tiger poster. That is exactly the feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. I would be so angry and sad. Agree it's time to talk to an advocate or attorney.

And amen to the comments about discrimination against SN kids from parents under the guise of "not wanting disruptions in my kids class." It is so transparently ableist.

It’s laughable really, because at my MCPS school it’s the same parents who carry on about bullying, inclusiveness, it’s okay to be different! But not if you’re born with a genetic defect or disability, then GTFU of here weirdo. Unless you’re in an wheelchair or have DS, then we want to take pictures with you but still, GTFU of here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

The school district will pay for the new school if OP plays her cards right.

Only if there is an appropriate private school. As many of us can attest there are not many schools that are appropriate for normal IQ kids with “behaviors.” But since OP’s child isn’t showing aggression or eloping maybe there are more options.

In any event - yes, it is time to call in the reinforcements. A consultant to help identify other programs and to help you communicate with the school. I hired a non-lawyer consultant to go to IEP meetings specifically to be a little more cooperative than a lawyer while still speaking for me. In OP’s case though I would definitely be also talking to a lawyer to prep for legal action.

I would convene an IEP meeting now with the consultant on board to demand additional resources- a 1:1 and a BCBA to train the teachers.

Why not request a puppy too? You can't get resources a school doesn't have

Because you brainiac you, this is how changes to budgets and resources are made. The school goes into a deficit and then is able to prove that it needs more resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

His IEP states a 1:1 aide and they aren't providing it?

Something doesn't make sense. Nothing you've said here warrants pick up.

As far as dealing with them not liking you/him, you just have to do it. I'm sorry.

What are you talking about? If you’re going to take the time to respond you should take the time to read. No, his IEP doesn’t state that. This is a short term solution offered by the school. And you just have to do it? What does that mean?

That was a badly written post. If it isn't the IEP, they don't "have" to do it, right? The school board won't pay for a staff member they don't have a legal obligation to provide. So they allow someone else. Odd, but good for your son hopefully.

Can you refuse early pick up?

As far as dealing with the emotional toll. Vent to a friend, cry.... whatever you need to do. Hopefully having someone else in there with your son alleviates some of the stress. I went in as TA years ago with a first grade student who exhausted his teacher. She was easily exhausted, honestly. He was a great kid, but he needed help staying calm. Thinking about him, I wonder something. If your son is really restless can his support person take him out of the classroom for a few minutes?

I hope this is all resolved sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's important to remember that the teacher probably has another 20-30 other high energy and needy 5 and 6 year old in the class. She additionally has another 80 little kids she also needs to instruct and develop lesson plans for. There are probably 200 parents all demanding that the teacher spend 100 percent of her time with their special child. She probably has no support from her administration.

You are probably not the only parent of a difficult child that is unprepared for kindergarten who is making things difficult for the teacher, which is impacting her ability to teach all the other students. The question is what are you doing to ensure your child can behave and learn in a classroom setting.

What Kindergarten classroom has 100 kids?

It sounds like OP worked hard to prepare her kid for Kindergarten by getting him the services and plans he needs. The school needs to do their job and provide the supports.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging this.i truly am proud of the IEP he has and it was a massive amount of work. I’m sure it’s possible but where I live, I have never met another family with a kindergartener that came in with an IEP and BIP.

I feel like I have done my part. We’ve already had 2 full neuropsychologist assessments, two FBAs, and of course a ton of evals/follow up by a developmental pediatrician. I’ve shared everything with the school and been super transparent and collaborative with them. My son is also medicated for school.

I am so disappointed that they are providing NONE of what they agreed to in the IEP and when I raise it with them they throw up their hands and say they just don’t have the staff.

Frustrating as that is, it might be time to add in some private services. You can fight and fight. And you can try to hold them accountable and get them to provide compensatory services. But in the meantime unless you do it privately, it doesnt sound like it will happen.

As to people not liking your kid, I didn’t experience that. One of my goals was always to make everyone love my child and want to give him everything he needed and more - and I was successful at this.

This is just super obnoxious. Read the room. Many of us have kids that due to issues from their disabilities have major social issues and difficulties and aren’t “charming” and loved by all. Quit giving yourself credit for making everyone love your kid? Please. It’s not OP’s fault that her child has disabilities that make handling him difficult and do not inspire “love”.

The second part is super obnoxious but the advice in the first paragraph is good advice.
I hated this forum for a long time because there were so many people telling me to fight for my child's rights and all the various ways SN kids are wronged by the system.
It was a horrible waste of time, created a lot of animosity with the school and made other parents angry because they felt our child was taking away attention from your child.

The posters were right in principle but it was not our reality. The best thing we ever did was to get private services and stop wasting our time with the schools. This only works if you can find a way to afford it and we did everything we could to squeeze our finances to afford private help.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to public school. You and every other parent feels that the school is not providing their child with sufficient resources.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

It’s nasty and they deserve to be blocked from DCUM.

So you don't believe in the first amendment? You need to ignore rather than block.

You have a teachers union where you can go voice your complaints. This board is for people with children with special needs and disabilities. Your goals and objectives are in direct conflict with ours and it's discriminatory for you to come here to obstruct our advocacy for our children.