Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

Op here. Curious if ableism will ever become something that is as shameful as racism? I keep thinking of how horrified people would be if my kid was treated this way because of his race. But since he’s treated this way because of a disability, it feels defensible to people. This is the mindset that has shocked me. I was naive. I can’t imagine a group more deserving of compassion than disabled children, and yet, here we are. I’m just shocked people don’t even try to hide their bias.

DP. How do you know PP doesn't also have a child with SN, who would be incredibly distracted or anxious in a learning environment with the behaviors being described and unable to access instruction?

Different DP. Because that poster sounded more like a teacher who just didn't want to deal with it. This is what most teachers are like.

Even if it was a parent of a SN kid (it wasn't), then the school would still be required to make the accommodations for OP's kid.

If the teachers and parents frame it correctly, then kids get used to other kids receiving these types of accommodations. My SN kid was in a gen ed classroom with another SN child who had a similar accommodation. The entire class just accepted it as that's just X's thing, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I am so glad that my kid wasn't in a class with a kid like that.

Thank you for providing an illustrative example of the types of people OP is talking about. Your dislike and prejudice is duly noted. Thank the lord Larlo did not suffer.

Op here. Curious if ableism will ever become something that is as shameful as racism? I keep thinking of how horrified people would be if my kid was treated this way because of his race. But since he’s treated this way because of a disability, it feels defensible to people. This is the mindset that has shocked me. I was naive. I can’t imagine a group more deserving of compassion than disabled children, and yet, here we are. I’m just shocked people don’t even try to hide their bias.

+1 I once spoke with an employment attorney who said that discrimination against people with disabilities is the last bastion of widely acceptable discrimination. He even said that if the discrimination was due to a person's race, then everyone would see the clear discrimination. But the public still isn't there with understanding the ableism.

Unfortunately my child is in a similar situation. It's amazing to me that teacher, admin, and even the Principal are behaving in illegal and discriminatory ways. It's been this way at every school we've attended. Don't be afraid to ask for a different teacher.

I hear other parents who are friends say terrible things about other kids' behaviors, when it's so clear to me that it's due to a disability. I speak up when I can (Hmmm, that sounds like the child might have some special needs), but it often falls on deaf ears. Most other parents only care about their own kids not experiencing one iota of inconvenience. Same with workplaces. People don't want to make accommodations so that a disabled person can have employment and a full life. These discriminatory behaviors are in direct conflict with the law but they don't get it.

Maybe your child's school needs to hear it from a judge.

[Anonymous]

The government schools make impossible promises and then waste all their time obfuscating. What you are asking for they literally cannot accomplish. You are believing in a pipe dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

It’s nasty and they deserve to be blocked from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Document, document, document. Every time they ask you to come pick him up early or don’t give him his service hours. He’s being deprived of an education. You can use this info at your next IEP meeting to push for the district to pay for a private placement since they are clearly unable to educate him at the assigned public school . I’m sorry this is happening to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

It’s nasty and they deserve to be blocked from DCUM.

So you don't believe in the first amendment? You need to ignore rather than block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

Do you have a SN kid with an IEP? Pray tell, where is OP supposed to “find a new school”? FFS this thread sure brought the ignorant & mean out of the woodwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

It’s nasty and they deserve to be blocked from DCUM.

So you don't believe in the first amendment? You need to ignore rather than block.

The first amendment doesn't require websites to host everybody's speech. If a poster were to be blocked, they (you?) could set up their own website where they can say whatever they want and block the people they don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disability does he have? He sounds like a typical ADHD kid, and you sound like a PITA. I'm so glad we're in private school, I could not stand to have my daughter around disruptive kids like this.

Flagged

Thank you! That poster is discriminating against children with disabilities.

It makes me wonder why they're here as they're clearly not a parent of a SN child. It would be extremely odd if they're a parent of NT kids trolling this board, so that leads me to believe that they're a teacher or admin coming here to discriminate against children with disabilities. It's really sad that teachers come here to try to convince parents to not advocate for their SN kids' rights.

It’s nasty and they deserve to be blocked from DCUM.

So you don't believe in the first amendment? You need to ignore rather than block.

No, you need to stop trolling SN moms who are already upset and vulnerable. I can tell by your take on the 1st Amendment that in addition to getting off on hurting people you are also stupid. Blocking/deleting stupid & nasty is a-ok with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

The school district will pay for the new school if OP plays her cards right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

Time to lawyer up and find a better school.

Np. Why get a lawyer? Are you suggesting that op sues? I would just accept they can't handle my kid and find a new school

The school district will pay for the new school if OP plays her cards right.

Only if there is an appropriate private school. As many of us can attest there are not many schools that are appropriate for normal IQ kids with “behaviors.” But since OP’s child isn’t showing aggression or eloping maybe there are more options.

In any event - yes, it is time to call in the reinforcements. A consultant to help identify other programs and to help you communicate with the school. I hired a non-lawyer consultant to go to IEP meetings specifically to be a little more cooperative than a lawyer while still speaking for me. In OP’s case though I would definitely be also talking to a lawyer to prep for legal action.

I would convene an IEP meeting now with the consultant on board to demand additional resources- a 1:1 and a BCBA to train the teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to get over the emotional "no one likes me or my kid" stuff. Honestly, it's not helping you and keeping you from seeing the bigger picture. I agree with PPs that they are doing you a service right now by denying your kid's education. Start your documentation for private placement. I guarantee you they are already doing it on their side.

OP, is it possible that the school is framing your kid as a huge problem so that they can make the case to higher ups for a different placement? It might wind up helping you get more/better services in the long run.

Agree that you need to officially document the required pickups in some way.

And sadly you need to have DH handle the meetings if you have one. Schools pay way more attention when the man shows up. I hate it but sometimes you have to use that sexism to your family’s advantage.

Or, they are getting their ducks in a row to push for the help op's child needs. It's possible people aren't in place yet.

Op what, if anything has the school's response been when you have asked what is going on? Sorry if I missed that part.

Op here. I haven’t gone into details, I’m sorry. I don’t think it is going to help and I’m also fatigued from documenting and discussing it with the school.

It’s generally things like not following instructions, scribbling on his desk/drawing on himself, not participating in the work/routine of the class, constantly standing up/interrupting. He can be really relentless. He’s on Ritalin and clonidine during the school day. We can’t seem to find the right med combination but we are trying. He needs a one on one aide but they won’t provide one. The most recent plan we developed is that we are essentially going to send our own support person to school with him as a “volunteer”. I appreciate the school allowing this as I know it’s usually not permitted.

That’s pretty amazing that they are allowing you to send a volunteer in. That was not allowed in my son’s school.

I think some teams are more creative than others and some teachers are more skilled at managing alternative learning styles than others. When mine was in younger years (even through MS) I had to give special permission for them to allow mine to work outside the classroom. Mine was never expected to sit in his seat. He could roll around the floor, walk around the classroom, lay on the floors in the hallways, etc. Some teachers were definitely more comfortable than others and some found him more distracting.

I hope you figure out the medications soon.

I'm really surprised that a public school is allowing a private volunteer. If other SN parents find out, does the school allow it for them too? What if they can't afford it? They're writing an IEP that requires parents to spend money for in school staff which seems questionable. Another similarly situated parent who can't afford it could easily push a due process complaint because the school is admitting that it doesn't have the necessary staffing to support mainstreaming and that with staffing progress can be made

And this is why teachers and admin are quitting because they are in a no win situation. If they write an IEP in good faith for what would help a student but don’t have the resources that’s a problem. If they write an IEP with only what they reasonably can provide currently that’s a problem. All of which can get them sued or negative press. In the meantime a teacher is in a classroom with students with 504s, IEPs, ELLs, students on grade level, above grade level, behind grade level, and students who likely need an IEP. And there’s 20+ students.

In many of these situations it’s not that teachers are biased against a kid. They are merely in a no win situation and be expected to operate like saints and deliver results for everyone.

I’m not unsympathetic to the OPs concern for her kid. But she’s concerned about one student. The teacher is responsible for all the students in the classroom learning.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. I would be so angry and sad. Agree it's time to talk to an advocate or attorney.

And amen to the comments about discrimination against SN kids from parents under the guise of "not wanting disruptions in my kids class." It is so transparently ableist.