Coping with the knowledge that everyone views your kid as a problem?

[Anonymous]

I am also a teacher. I would just question OP whether you are imagining that your own child is the only one in the class with an IEP, or with academic and behavioral challenges? It’s not simply your own child and a sea of other perfectly straightforward children. Yes you may have a legal document that says your child receives very specific customized services, but if there is just one teacher and 25 kindergarteners, it may not be possible. In that case it’s not that they are withholding services from your child because they don’t like him, but because there aren’t enough staff or hours in the day to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this after just one week of school? Maybe you want to lighten up a little and let the teacher get to know the kids and manage the class before expecting perfection with the IEP.

Op here. We are going into our 5th week of school in my district.

My son has not received any OT or speech therapy and the school is not following the BIP.

That’s still extremely early. If they don’t have the staff, they don’t have the staff. What do you want them to do? Public education has been gutted and often isn’t funded well or adequately all. Sure, it’s not fair to you or your child, but it’s also not fair to anyone else. Our school has trouble staffing because teachers are paid horribly yet are expected to work miracles and people just don’t want the job anymore. You try teaching 30 kindergarteners without a paraeducator or support person and I promise you’d run screaming from the classroom.

Reasonable expectations, OP. Unless
You have the money for private and a class size of 10 you can’t expect a teacher with 30 students to be perfectly implementing your son’s BIP 5 weeks in.

Op here. Do you know anything at all about IEPs, the ADA, or IDEA? It feels like you don’t.

My son has received none of the therapies he’s supposed to be getting. Like not one session this year so far. And they keep calling me to come get him early from school.

I sure do, my DD has a 504, and guess what? Some years her teacher does great in implementing it. Other years, with an inexperienced teacher? Not so much. I think you need to adapt your expectation of what a public school can realistically provide to your son. You’re also not disclosing what he’s doing so that makes it hard to help you.

It’s five weeks into kindergarten, OP. It’s reasonable to ask when you can expect the therapies to start but other than that, I think your expectations are not aligned with the reality in most public schools. IME as a former teacher the most severely disabled kids get the most focus, therapies, and individualized support, and the high-functioning kids who can operate independently in the class who need additional supports often get far less. Our district doesn’t even offer OT or SLP services to most kids so I pay for those with our insurance or OOP and take my kids myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a teacher. I would just question OP whether you are imagining that your own child is the only one in the class with an IEP, or with academic and behavioral challenges? It’s not simply your own child and a sea of other perfectly straightforward children. Yes you may have a legal document that says your child receives very specific customized services, but if there is just one teacher and 25 kindergarteners, it may not be possible. In that case it’s not that they are withholding services from your child because they don’t like him, but because there aren’t enough staff or hours in the day to do so.

Op here. I don’t think my kid is the only one with any special needs or challenges. What I mean is, from what I can tell, it seems unusual in this district for a kindergartener to come in with an IEP already in place. The more typical situation seems to be that kindergarten is when the parents first become aware that there are issues, so then they begin the process of evaluations/meds/IEP/etc.

The BIP was developed in collaboration with the kindergarten team and they attended the kindergarten transition meeting and signed it. It’s not like we didn’t expect kindergarten to be different than pre-K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The BIP must have been developed in the special ed preschool program not the kindergarten with input from the kindergarten team if he entered with a BIP. The staffing in a preschool vs kindergarten is drastically different. The expectations are different.

The ratios are like 8 students to one teacher in a preschool or at most 10 to 12 students to one teacher and there are often aids and special education teachers in public special ed inclusion preschools. So there might be 12 students with 3 to 4 adults. In kindergarten general education it is more like 20 to 25 students with one teacher and maybe an aide part of the day but that isn't even guaranteed in a lot of schools.

A preschool student can not be having the best day so not sit down at circle time on the rug and there is an adult to let the student take a break in a quieter area while other adults keep the other students on the carpet continuing to participate. In kindergarten with 25 students and several who have never been in school, if one student gets to get up from the carpet then others follow.

The first month of school is really, really stressful for kindergarten teachers, first time parents sending their kids to kindergarten, and the students. Already requiring an IEP meeting the first month of school is not going to endear you to anyone.

Exactly. OP needs to give it time. And to disclose WTF her son is doing that is causing constant phone calls home and demands to pick him up, that is not normal and whatever he’s doing sounds extremely disruptive if the school can’t handle it.

[Anonymous]

Decide your goal: compensatory services, extended school year, self contained, one to one aide, private placement? Read wrightslaw and consider hiring a lawyer. You can't change how people feel about your kid, though I understand how much this hurts. But you may be able to change your son's environment.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the “teachers” and school “psychiatrists” who come on here in every thread and insist the children are too disabled and disruptive and the parents too demanding for anything to be done. I don’t know if they really are school employees but wtf cares. Their agenda has nothing at all to do with your feelings about how your child is being treated. It’s okay to feel sad that he is being treated with palpable disdain. My son was in kindergarten also. I believe you. I don’t know where this stupid pile on the OP nonsense started on this forum but it’s gotten wildly out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The BIP must have been developed in the special ed preschool program not the kindergarten with input from the kindergarten team if he entered with a BIP. The staffing in a preschool vs kindergarten is drastically different. The expectations are different.

The ratios are like 8 students to one teacher in a preschool or at most 10 to 12 students to one teacher and there are often aids and special education teachers in public special ed inclusion preschools. So there might be 12 students with 3 to 4 adults. In kindergarten general education it is more like 20 to 25 students with one teacher and maybe an aide part of the day but that isn't even guaranteed in a lot of schools.

A preschool student can not be having the best day so not sit down at circle time on the rug and there is an adult to let the student take a break in a quieter area while other adults keep the other students on the carpet continuing to participate. In kindergarten with 25 students and several who have never been in school, if one student gets to get up from the carpet then others follow.

The first month of school is really, really stressful for kindergarten teachers, first time parents sending their kids to kindergarten, and the students. Already requiring an IEP meeting the first month of school is not going to endear you to anyone.

Exactly. OP needs to give it time. And to disclose WTF her son is doing that is causing constant phone calls home and demands to pick him up, that is not normal and whatever he’s doing sounds extremely disruptive if the school can’t handle it.

I hope you feel better after telling the OP who is in pain that her kid is wildly abnormal and it is all indeed her and her son’s fault that school is hard. How helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The BIP must have been developed in the special ed preschool program not the kindergarten with input from the kindergarten team if he entered with a BIP. The staffing in a preschool vs kindergarten is drastically different. The expectations are different.

The ratios are like 8 students to one teacher in a preschool or at most 10 to 12 students to one teacher and there are often aids and special education teachers in public special ed inclusion preschools. So there might be 12 students with 3 to 4 adults. In kindergarten general education it is more like 20 to 25 students with one teacher and maybe an aide part of the day but that isn't even guaranteed in a lot of schools.

A preschool student can not be having the best day so not sit down at circle time on the rug and there is an adult to let the student take a break in a quieter area while other adults keep the other students on the carpet continuing to participate. In kindergarten with 25 students and several who have never been in school, if one student gets to get up from the carpet then others follow.

The first month of school is really, really stressful for kindergarten teachers, first time parents sending their kids to kindergarten, and the students. Already requiring an IEP meeting the first month of school is not going to endear you to anyone.

Exactly. OP needs to give it time. And to disclose WTF her son is doing that is causing constant phone calls home and demands to pick him up, that is not normal and whatever he’s doing sounds extremely disruptive if the school can’t handle it.

I hope you feel better after telling the OP who is in pain that her kid is wildly abnormal and it is all indeed her and her son’s fault that school is hard. How helpful.

I’m sorry OP is in pain. But she’s not sharing what is going on with her son that she’s getting numerous calls to pick him up, which means clearly his behavior is out of control or extremely disruptive. But we don’t know, because she won’t tell us.

OP does not want to hear from others that she is not having realistic expectations of what a public school can do 5 weeks into kindergarten with a brand new student. She’s arguing with anyone who is suggesting to her to adjust her expectations and to give the school time, since 5 weeks in is extremely early. There’s a lot missing from her story and she’s expecting unilateral support when she’s not fully disclosing the details of the situation. Some of being a SN parent is adjusting your expectations across the board - both for what your kid can do but also what therapy and school can also do. Just because a clinician wrote a BIP doesn’t mean it can realistically be implemented by a teacher with 30 other 5 year olds to manage. Pointing that out doesn’t make someone unsupportive, it’s just reality.

[Anonymous]

Not violent, not eloping…why would they be calling you to pick him up? It’s not adding up. Why are you being so evasive if you’re not even in the area? We won’t be able to pick out your child from NC or wherever you are.


Public schools literally cannot cover the needs of every kid. If they say they don’t have the staff then they don’t have the staff. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else you want to hear. Teaching is an insanely difficult job. Especially now.

[Anonymous]

Even with the best parental preparation and school collaboration, a rock solid IEP, etc, sometimes the school simply does not have the ability to do it. They are not being mean, they are not disliking you or your child, they just have a limit on their resources or time or experience. Once I realized that, I made a clear-headed and non-emotional decision to seek resources elsewhere because I could not waste time nor could I imagine new results if I kept on beating the dead horse that was our current education situation: I put my child in a dyslexia (my child’s SN) private school, and it has changed our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the “teachers” and school “psychiatrists” who come on here in every thread and insist the children are too disabled and disruptive and the parents too demanding for anything to be done. I don’t know if they really are school employees but wtf cares. Their agenda has nothing at all to do with your feelings about how your child is being treated. It’s okay to feel sad that he is being treated with palpable disdain. My son was in kindergarten also. I believe you. I don’t know where this stupid pile on the OP nonsense started on this forum but it’s gotten wildly out of hand.

Op here. Thank you. I appreciate it. I’m just shocked at how this is all unfolding. Including the replies on this thread (not yours, obviously!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even with the best parental preparation and school collaboration, a rock solid IEP, etc, sometimes the school simply does not have the ability to do it. They are not being mean, they are not disliking you or your child, they just have a limit on their resources or time or experience. Once I realized that, I made a clear-headed and non-emotional decision to seek resources elsewhere because I could not waste time nor could I imagine new results if I kept on beating the dead horse that was our current education situation: I put my child in a dyslexia (my child’s SN) private school, and it has changed our lives.

OP listen to this post. Don’t waste time and energy on futile fantasies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even with the best parental preparation and school collaboration, a rock solid IEP, etc, sometimes the school simply does not have the ability to do it. They are not being mean, they are not disliking you or your child, they just have a limit on their resources or time or experience. Once I realized that, I made a clear-headed and non-emotional decision to seek resources elsewhere because I could not waste time nor could I imagine new results if I kept on beating the dead horse that was our current education situation: I put my child in a dyslexia (my child’s SN) private school, and it has changed our lives.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op said that the school keeps calling her to pick up her child. This indicates to me that the general classroom may not be the best setting for this child, and it's good that she requested an IEP meeting.

[Anonymous]

OP, my now-HSer had a horrific k year. It felt like they definitely all hated him. Parents were kind, but pitied us. It was awful. That was actually the only bad year we have had in school, so it can get better.

I’m also a special ed teacher. BIPs written by a team for another level/different school are virtually useless in practicality, not to mention filled with info or present levels that maybe aren’t relevant anymore (it was before the intensive summer of services you mentioned?). Maybe the strategies and interventions that worked for a part-day preschool program (and preschool staffing levels) don’t work in a gen ed k setting.

I’d at least like to know they have a plan, because sending him home early is not it. Does he need a smaller setting? Are there certain times of the day that are more difficult, or places, and can they provide more support then? Can the BIP be rewritten? Also, document each time they have had you pick him up.