Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

Your opinion clearly presumes that the parent has a choice not to work. What about the mother who works not because she prioritizes material things but because she needs to earn money to put food on the table and a roof over the kid's head? Is she selfish?

Must be difficult for you to understand the world outside of your bubble.

I'm not talking about parents who have no choice financially. I'm talking about parents who don't want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers.

We did that as a family with very little extra money, prioritizing my children over everything else.

It really just robbed your kids of many experiences.

And so did your choice, just different experiences, I guess we value those experiences differently.

My child experienced me, their father and others. So much learning and comfort from many.

Yours gets you all day and dad for an hour at most. Not great but im sure you do the best you can.

Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

from the outside I look like this but- I have significant health challenges, always have had but we always wanted kids. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do both, in fact I have to have massive amounts of help to just raise the kids, some days I have to go back to bed after drop off, many times I go retch in the bathroom, wash my mouth and come out and no-one would know, or im walking around and cant feel one of my legs. One of my kids has inherited my sluggishness and poor health, thank goodness no migraine or neurological symptoms yet though. I have to support this child a LOT. Im lucky that my spouse has a 'big' job but ppl would be shocked by how much he has to help b/c sometimes I just pass out from weakness and I'd have trouble staying employed and we'd just be poor if he dialed it back.

I remember scoffing at my mom b/c she seemed super 'lazy' to me but as I got older I realized that she just couldn't keep up and she eventually developed leukemia from the blood disorder that we both share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You mean people like me, who are very well-read, can discuss most current events with intelligence and some background knowledge, and also earn significant passive income from my dividends?

I'm doing great, thank you. Feel free to think whatever you want about me.

That fact that you replied sort of indicates you care what people think.

I only judge those that do not contribute in any way to society - volunteer work, pta, kids activities, anything. If all they do is care for their kids, then I judge them as incredibly selfish and lazy.

How is raising kids not a contribution to society? Who do you think society is made up of, dim bulb?

Raising your own kids isn't a contribution, finding working low wage daycare worker or nanny is a contribution.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, it is 2024. Why are we still doing mommy wars on each other?? Live and let live!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to know what their Plan B is when the kids leave for college or if a divorce happens.

Plan B: For college - enjoy the freedom of not being a cook, housekeeper, laundry, and personal driver. If divorce happens, my spouse knows I'll go after everything but I cannot imagine divorce happening. The bigger concern is death and we have a paid-off house, college fund, savings and I'd get social security. And, life insurance. I could pick up a basic job if I wanted/needed to and be just fine. Believe it or not, some plan for these things. Death worries me more. I hope to die first.

Sounds like my best friend, except it took him 10 years to die. It drained their finances. He was 40 when he got sick. Social security is decades away and not that much when someone only working until 40.

did he not have life insurance? that is poor planning, everyone with a single breadwinner should have life insurance until their kids are out of college. during that time the sahp should build nest egg so that they have a small passive income of their own, through property or something and they are not totally dependent in old age. its laws nice to have something of one's own but its not necessary to be employed to have an income.

[Anonymous]

Well, real question is why women feel so insecure in their choices that they feel the need to put down women making different choices?

And the real issue is lack of these choices due to lack of societal support for young parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You mean people like me, who are very well-read, can discuss most current events with intelligence and some background knowledge, and also earn significant passive income from my dividends?

I'm doing great, thank you. Feel free to think whatever you want about me.

That fact that you replied sort of indicates you care what people think.

I only judge those that do not contribute in any way to society - volunteer work, pta, kids activities, anything. If all they do is care for their kids, then I judge them as incredibly selfish and lazy.

And what if they're looking after a child with special needs? Or another relative? What if they themselves have a chronic illness and cannot work?
What if the special needs or illness in question is invisible to you?

Judging based on incomplete information is not wise, PP. You never know what's going on in people's lives. Have a little respect and humility.

🙄 that’s exactly what I was saying - they contribute NOTHING to society. Going down the tangent of disabilities for the parent is way off OP’s topic and you know it.

I’m talking about people who get the non special needs kids to school, hit the gym/spa/nail grab lunch with friends, pick up kids and drive them to activities. Then go home and do it all over the next day for 18 years. Then continue to do nothing outside of their own pleasures. Completely selfish.

are your ancestor's peasants? you sound like a Bolshevik. I'm pretty sure all teh characters in one Austen's books thought they were better off than teh farmers.

[Anonymous]

NP. I don’t really think of the women I know in those terms. I never really did, though of course I’ve kind of done it all, SAH, WOH, WAH, student, part time, full time, etc. I have a lot of friends and family who have done different things too. Love them all.

What I think as someone with older teen and adult kids: this is a stupid issue and WOHM versus SAHM is largely irrelevant to child outcomes. However, what I have seen over the years is that people who care a lot about this issue (and specifically are very judgmental about what other people do) tend to have serious issues with their teens going off the rails entirely. I think it’s because being really judgmental means you actually have massive anxiety issues which makes your kids rebel and/or shut you out when they become teens. So, watch the judgment if you have young kids and manage your anxiety and insecurity issues. It usually doesn’t work out well in the end.

[Anonymous]

If it works for them, why do I care??

I was raised Mormon and have many Mormon friends who are legit content with being moms. Every so often they say something that makes my eyes pop (one friend consoling her daughter who was worried about becoming homeless once the daughter learned that homelessness existed by telling the daughter that she’d never be homeless because my friend would be there to help guide her daughter to find a good husband that would let her be a stay at home mom). But I largely keep my reactions to myself.

[Anonymous]

…and their circumstances allow them to “just” be wives and mothers: lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

from the outside I look like this but- I have significant health challenges, always have had but we always wanted kids. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do both, in fact I have to have massive amounts of help to just raise the kids, some days I have to go back to bed after drop off, many times I go retch in the bathroom, wash my mouth and come out and no-one would know, or im walking around and cant feel one of my legs. One of my kids has inherited my sluggishness and poor health, thank goodness no migraine or neurological symptoms yet though. I have to support this child a LOT. Im lucky that my spouse has a 'big' job but ppl would be shocked by how much he has to help b/c sometimes I just pass out from weakness and I'd have trouble staying employed and we'd just be poor if he dialed it back.

I remember scoffing at my mom b/c she seemed super 'lazy' to me but as I got older I realized that she just couldn't keep up and she eventually developed leukemia from the blood disorder that we both share.

No one will believe you that something like this is real. I have similar health issues, but only help of my husband. It's really hard many days. Working would be a struggle since no medications are really effective for more than a few hours at best.

[Anonymous]

What do I think? I’m jealous!

[Anonymous]

I think they are great, as are women who choose to work FT.

My mom worked a lot. Gen X here. Had a friend with a mom who didn’t work, who was my 2nd mom.

Both were great & role models for me.

Are you trying to incite some debate? I by would anyone look down on this - having a choice is literally what our mothers & grandmothers fought for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

Your opinion clearly presumes that the parent has a choice not to work. What about the mother who works not because she prioritizes material things but because she needs to earn money to put food on the table and a roof over the kid's head? Is she selfish?

Must be difficult for you to understand the world outside of your bubble.

I'm not talking about parents who have no choice financially. I'm talking about parents who don't want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers.

We did that as a family with very little extra money, prioritizing my children over everything else.

It really just robbed your kids of many experiences.

Robbed of experiences? So, someone doesn't travel 4 times a year, dragging their kids all over the world, etc. you thin they are robbed of experiences? Oh my..

[Anonymous]

I don’t really think about it. But, now that I am due to this question, I support it and I’m happy for women working out of the home or staying at home who are enjoying their day to day and feel fulfilled.

I was a sahm before returning to work and I enjoyed it. Enjoying working now. For me there are pros and cons to both.