Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

[Anonymous]

Just wives and mothers? Just husbands and fathers? Keep demeaning these roles so people would only consider their jobs as reason to live. Break up family bonds and systems. Dump marriage and parenthood, glorify single-hood and divorce and abandonment, ostracize old parents/In-laws, focus on needs of me, me and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

SAHM who doesn't volunteer much at school. Personally, I don't volunteer bc I have a toddler and a school aged child. I would be a useless volunteer if I dragged my toddler along. Also, when I do volunteer, I typically volunteer at less resourced organizations that mean something to me (not my kid's school, which is heavily resourced). I can only do this if someone else is watching my toddler, too. So that may be what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

DP here and a SAHM. Most of that dumb PTA stuff is make-work. I only volunteer directly for my children’s teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

Standards are declining because we treat teaching as one of the lowest and least valuable professions, and as a society we don’t want to pay teachers well, treat teachers with respect, or pay for even basic classroom supplies. Subsidizing this societal lack of regard for or commitment to education with the unpaid labor and donations of well-meaning (but ultimately misguided) parents actually contributes to making this problem WORSE.

If you truly value education, treat the system and the professionals involved accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy for them and admire their ability to know themselves and hopefully act on that knowledge to authentically live the life they want to live, other people's judgement aside.

In many ways I feel more stressed being a woman who wants to try and "have it all" (or maybe can't admit that I can't have it all without driving myself crazy).

Even happier for them if they have their own resources or a supportive spouse who can help make that a reality without lifestyle sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

Wish my wife would. She doesn’t like her job. I make plenty of money and have a low stress job with lots of flexibility. We have already commingled our finances and we aren’t going to get divorced. If the situation was reversed I’d quit in a heartbeat. She adamantly refuses to and lets work stress screw things up frequently.

I think I know who you are. You sound like my friend's husband, who has no appreciation for (or interest in learning) what his wife's job means to her, regardless of the stress involved.

No, you don’t know me. My wife’s job doesn’t mean much to her. We’ve had that conversation. If she liked her job, I’d fully support her staying in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

DP here and a SAHM. Most of that dumb PTA stuff is make-work. I only volunteer directly for my children’s teachers.

PTA is school and community dependent and can do amazing to nothing, not a static entity which can't improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

DP here and a SAHM. Most of that dumb PTA stuff is make-work. I only volunteer directly for my children’s teachers.

PTA is school and community dependent and can do amazing to nothing, not a static entity which can't improve.

I’m a SAHM and do PTA and room parent. Other moms can contribute differently whether it is Girl Scouts or coaching soccer or basketball. I would never coach a sport. When I was a working mom, I always bought anything the pta or teacher requested.

I often find my pta efforts unappreciated except for by other pta members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do kind of look down on them though l would never say that. I love working at a job that is very interesting and challenging. I would never choose to cook and clean and drive kids around over my job. I don’t mind cooking a few times a week and am happy to pay for cleaners and child care and private school and spend quality engaged time with my kids, over quantity.

Goodness, what must you think of the people who clean your house and provide care for your children so you can work?

NP. This always baffles me. Is the work only worthwhile if money exchanges hands? Is it more valuable to pay someone to cool and clean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

I am the original poster who doesn’t work for free. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into devaluing your own time and expertise. That’s a great service to the people at the top who get to hoard the wealth and make the little people feel guilty for not having nice things.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do volunteer occasionally for causes which I think 1) actually matter and 2) would NEVER get done if not through volunteerism. Thus far in my experience, NOTHING the PTA does checks both of those boxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

Wish my wife would. She doesn’t like her job. I make plenty of money and have a low stress job with lots of flexibility. We have already commingled our finances and we aren’t going to get divorced. If the situation was reversed I’d quit in a heartbeat. She adamantly refuses to and lets work stress screw things up frequently.

I think I know who you are. You sound like my friend's husband, who has no appreciation for (or interest in learning) what his wife's job means to her, regardless of the stress involved.

Can you ofter her a postnup? Maybe then she'd take you up on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

Wish my wife would. She doesn’t like her job. I make plenty of money and have a low stress job with lots of flexibility. We have already commingled our finances and we aren’t going to get divorced. If the situation was reversed I’d quit in a heartbeat. She adamantly refuses to and lets work stress screw things up frequently.

If you're so sure, then put everything in her name and she might feel better about pulling back a bit.

Why would I do that? The law is 50%, which is way more than she’s put in, and that’s totally fine with me.