Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

I would have been a SAHM if I didn’t have local, involved grandparents + ability to afford a FT nanny for school-aged kids. No question about that.

I only dislike the ones who enable their spouses to be workaholics and set a workaholic culture in the office. No, even the breadwinner should contribute to home and family needs.

[Anonymous]

^ Also, anecdotal but of the three SAHM families I know well, the kids are super close to the SAHM and not at all to the WOHD. With the dual working parent families I know, there is a balance in terms of attachment. Kids will gravitate to mom for one thing and to dad for another. Dad knows how to keep things going while mom is traveling or out for dinner with friends.

[Anonymous]

I think more of them than I think of someone who frames being a wife and mother as “just” in order to belittle another woman’s choices.

OP, you sadly missed the entire point of the Feminist movement.

And this is why we can’t have nice things.

[Anonymous]

It takes all kinds. Good for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to know what their Plan B is when the kids leave for college or if a divorce happens.

Many women stay in long happy marriages partly fueled by the fact that NOT having a “Plan B” makes you much more invested in making sure Plan A works out nicely.

Also, there are many many many ways to spend time after the kids go to college that contributes to community and society.
Food banks, hospitals, community centers, animal shelters all need volunteers in order to survive and thrive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, anecdotal but of the three SAHM families I know well, the kids are super close to the SAHM and not at all to the WOHD. With the dual working parent families I know, there is a balance in terms of attachment. Kids will gravitate to mom for one thing and to dad for another. Dad knows how to keep things going while mom is traveling or out for dinner with friends.

Well, if my DH wanted to be a 50%, full split parent I probably wouldn’t have become a SAHM because his lack of interest in the daily grind of parenting is one of the main problems we solved with this arrangement. So that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Also, anecdotal but of the three SAHM families I know well, the kids are super close to the SAHM and not at all to the WOHD. With the dual working parent families I know, there is a balance in terms of attachment. Kids will gravitate to mom for one thing and to dad for another. Dad knows how to keep things going while mom is traveling or out for dinner with friends.

Well, if my DH wanted to be a 50%, full split parent I probably wouldn’t have become a SAHM because his lack of interest in the daily grind of parenting is one of the main problems we solved with this arrangement. So that makes sense.

Interesting how people have different anecdotes. I know three SAHMs with very successful, hands-on DHs that can keep things going when their wives are away. It's called being an involved parent and husband.

[Anonymous]

If you can figure out a way to do it and be able to support yourself and your kids, let us know. A man is never a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great and their kids will probably benefit from it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You mean people like me, who are very well-read, can discuss most current events with intelligence and some background knowledge, and also earn significant passive income from my dividends?

I'm doing great, thank you. Feel free to think whatever you want about me.

That fact that you replied sort of indicates you care what people think.

I only judge those that do not contribute in any way to society - volunteer work, pta, kids activities, anything. If all they do is care for their kids, then I judge them as incredibly selfish and lazy.

And what if they're looking after a child with special needs? Or another relative? What if they themselves have a chronic illness and cannot work?
What if the special needs or illness in question is invisible to you?

Judging based on incomplete information is not wise, PP. You never know what's going on in people's lives. Have a little respect and humility.

🙄 that’s exactly what I was saying - they contribute NOTHING to society. Going down the tangent of disabilities for the parent is way off OP’s topic and you know it.

I’m talking about people who get the non special needs kids to school, hit the gym/spa/nail grab lunch with friends, pick up kids and drive them to activities. Then go home and do it all over the next day for 18 years. Then continue to do nothing outside of their own pleasures. Completely selfish.

How stupid do you have to be to write such a response… raising healthy families contributes to the collective good of society. Healthy families make a healthy, balanced, functional society.

We as a nation value don’t value families, as a result our country is headed down the drain. Mental health issues, obesity epidemic , emotional hangups, kids getting into trouble, drugs etc.

A parent at home, whether a mom or a dad is really important to make sure that the household is running smoothly and kids are staying on track. These days with the WFH trend a lot of parents are doing better in terms of home cooked meals, spending more time as a family, less stress and more exercise.

I wish we were a rich enough nation where one parent could stay home or we were rich enough that people didn’t have to work 2 jobs to put food on the table.

Someone wrote above that the mommy wars aren’t playing out on DCUM like they have in the past 15 years, and I totally agree. And I think the answer lies above and with the poster who honestly wrote that she ran herself to the ground trying to be everything all at once. I think we are seeing some of the negatives to a society that doesn’t prioritize our families and recognize the need for some balance. That’s not to say that everyone wants to transition to being a SAHM or would be happy being one, but rather that I think we are seeing women better understand why other women are pivoting or making a different decision moving forward. And that ability to understand one another’s choices is a positive shift.

[Anonymous]

I have absolutely zero respect for those people. Wasting life away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to know what their Plan B is when the kids leave for college or if a divorce happens.

This is me. (Divorced and kids in college) I got a job managing a bed and breakfast . I love it. I get to do all the things I did for my family for 20 years and meet interesting people. It’s very fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends HOW they do it. My mother was a SAHM and our house was always dirty and she was always laying on the couch in her nightgown watching soaps and talk shows when I came home. It wasn't some super clean house with cookies fresh from the oven after school. She never made me breakfast. She never decorated the house for any holidays. She often "forgot" to take anything out to defrost for dinner and we scrambled to pull together a meal.

So someone like that, I don't feel good. A friend of mine is a SAHM and she gets dressed each morning when her kids do, makes them breakfast, makes their lunches with them, keeps up the house, is always arranging play dates, does holiday decor, makes homemade treats for her kids to pass out to their classes for their birthdays, invites people over spontaneously, etc. She's a great SAHM. She treats it like a full time job.

+1000

My SIL is a SAHM and she does nothing. Her husband works but is equally as useless. MIL and FIL do everything for them, including paying their bills since they have four kids and can't afford them but SIL needs to stay home...

[Anonymous]

I don’t generalize. I work because I fear poverty and don’t entirely trust my spouse and I don’t want to become everyone’s caregiver like my own mom (she’s raised kids, cared for her own parents, and my siblings over use her to babysit grandkids to the point she has never had a life of her own). I know many people do it well. It’s be easier to do it if you have a trust fund or other source of separate income and assets.