Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

I am the original poster who doesn’t work for free. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into devaluing your own time and expertise. That’s a great service to the people at the top who get to hoard the wealth and make the little people feel guilty for not having nice things.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do volunteer occasionally for causes which I think 1) actually matter and 2) would NEVER get done if not through volunteerism. Thus far in my experience, NOTHING the PTA does checks both of those boxes.

You sound absolutely bonkers. The *people at the top* in this situation is the head of school? The teachers?

I’m a dad who works full time, travels a lot for work, and prioritizes taking a few hours when necessary to pitch in at my kids school. Volunteering isn’t “devaluing” my time. And as for things that “actually matter” having your kids see you contributing to their community matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

This. Some women are just "of limited bandwidth". That why they know it's their place and not a man's to stay home and slave away cleaning, cooking, and looking after kids - you know the lowest paid jobs in society are not paid when a women volunteers to do it for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

OR.....

Work and send your kids to private school. Problem solved. We've had PTO leads that were male and female. We have both genders as room parents. I was asked to be a room parent once and I work, so we even have working parents do these roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wives and mothers? Just husbands and fathers? Keep demeaning these roles so people would only consider their jobs as reason to live. Break up family bonds and systems. Dump marriage and parenthood, glorify single-hood and divorce and abandonment, ostracize old parents/In-laws, focus on needs of me, me and I.

Sounds like it's time for your medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

I am the original poster who doesn’t work for free. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into devaluing your own time and expertise. That’s a great service to the people at the top who get to hoard the wealth and make the little people feel guilty for not having nice things.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do volunteer occasionally for causes which I think 1) actually matter and 2) would NEVER get done if not through volunteerism. Thus far in my experience, NOTHING the PTA does checks both of those boxes.

You sound absolutely bonkers. The *people at the top* in this situation is the head of school? The teachers?

I’m a dad who works full time, travels a lot for work, and prioritizes taking a few hours when necessary to pitch in at my kids school. Volunteering isn’t “devaluing” my time. And as for things that “actually matter” having your kids see you contributing to their community matters.

“People at the top” means the rich a-holes who hate paying taxes for public services, like schools. Not teachers. Duh.

You are also devaluing the *teachers’* time. Why should they be paid appropriately to do their jobs when idiots like you “pitch in” just enough that everyone expects this work to be done for free or almost free? Why do only the schools with rich do-gooder parents have adequate supplies and resources?

And again, if no one would EVER pay someone to do whatever it is that you’re doing, then it is because it’s not really worth doing. If you find it to be a fun hobby have at it, but you’re not going to guilt me into playing along with you and wasting my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

I am the original poster who doesn’t work for free. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into devaluing your own time and expertise. That’s a great service to the people at the top who get to hoard the wealth and make the little people feel guilty for not having nice things.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do volunteer occasionally for causes which I think 1) actually matter and 2) would NEVER get done if not through volunteerism. Thus far in my experience, NOTHING the PTA does checks both of those boxes.

You sound absolutely bonkers. The *people at the top* in this situation is the head of school? The teachers?

I’m a dad who works full time, travels a lot for work, and prioritizes taking a few hours when necessary to pitch in at my kids school. Volunteering isn’t “devaluing” my time. And as for things that “actually matter” having your kids see you contributing to their community matters.

“People at the top” means the rich a-holes who hate paying taxes for public services, like schools. Not teachers. Duh.

You are also devaluing the *teachers’* time. Why should they be paid appropriately to do their jobs when idiots like you “pitch in” just enough that everyone expects this work to be done for free or almost free? Why do only the schools with rich do-gooder parents have adequate supplies and resources?

And again, if no one would EVER pay someone to do whatever it is that you’re doing, then it is because it’s not really worth doing. If you find it to be a fun hobby have at it, but you’re not going to guilt me into playing along with you and wasting my time.

Now that’s an interesting philosophy.

[Anonymous]

Women who are content to be just wives and mothers are lucky and blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Nope. Get women AND men to contribute, invest and volunteer for free at local schools. Make it an honor. Otherwise keep complaining about declining standards of public schooling.

OR.....

Work and send your kids to private school. Problem solved. We've had PTO leads that were male and female. We have both genders as room parents. I was asked to be a room parent once and I work, so we even have working parents do these roles.

I am content and happy to SAH. We have the money to outsource most chores. We also have money to send our kids to private schools. But, since I am super careful with my money, I do not waste resources on private schools. Instead, my kids are enriched at home by me and they go to magnet public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great. I am perfectly content. I have a master's degree and worked a low paying job for about 10 years before staying home as child care for one would have been my entire salary and my job sucked. I planned to go back but then things popped up and they were more important.

Why are you so judgemental against others who make different lifestyle choices than yourself?

I distrust SAHMs because, in my experience, they construct ridiculous sets of values and criteria for how a woman and a mother should behave, parent, and look, that practically only wealthy SAHMs can achieve, in order to judge WOHMs and feel superior.

Holy generalization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something frequently debated amongst women in their 30s and 40s and thank God, completely dropped in their 50s. Not because kids are grown and it doesn’t matter, but because it becomes apparent that whether someone was a SAHM or not just doesn’t matter. Everyone made the best decisions they could for their families and hopefully ended up with purposeful, fulfilled lives and so did their kids. The meaningless comparisons just intended to prop up the one doing the comparing…they just fade away.

I'm not yet in my 50s, but I love this response. I'm a full-time working mom, but I don't give two ****s if other moms work or not. Parenting is rough, and I don't begrudge moms who decide to do that, without also doing a full-time job. I do both because I'm passionate about my work and I'm worried about what would happen financially to my family if my husband loses his job. What DOES irritate me is if they don't volunteer for anything at all... like, regardless of what you do during the day, can you volunteer a few hours at some point during the month to help others? SAHMs who don't help out with the PTA or at whatever other group they are a part of, all the while reaping the benefits of those organizations, THAT is what irritates me.

Nope. Stop expecting women to work for free. If the PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it. I didn’t take a financial hit for my family in order to provide free labor for yours.

Wow. Quite the commentary on volunteering and charity. You sound like a peach.

DP but your comment totally devalues what women are doing with their time and resources when they choose to SAH. Volunteering is great but just because a woman isn’t working for pay does not mean she has more time or bandwidth than you.

It wasn’t my comment, but I am the PP you quoted.

The PP I quoted argued against any volunteer work quite clearly. “Don’t expect women to work for free” and if the “PTA does anything worth doing then someone should be paid for it”. These are clearly applicable to volunteer work writ large and nothing to do with SAHM and their free time or lack of free time.

I am the original poster who doesn’t work for free. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into devaluing your own time and expertise. That’s a great service to the people at the top who get to hoard the wealth and make the little people feel guilty for not having nice things.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do volunteer occasionally for causes which I think 1) actually matter and 2) would NEVER get done if not through volunteerism. Thus far in my experience, NOTHING the PTA does checks both of those boxes.

You sound absolutely bonkers. The *people at the top* in this situation is the head of school? The teachers?

I’m a dad who works full time, travels a lot for work, and prioritizes taking a few hours when necessary to pitch in at my kids school. Volunteering isn’t “devaluing” my time. And as for things that “actually matter” having your kids see you contributing to their community matters.

“People at the top” means the rich a-holes who hate paying taxes for public services, like schools. Not teachers. Duh.

You are also devaluing the *teachers’* time. Why should they be paid appropriately to do their jobs when idiots like you “pitch in” just enough that everyone expects this work to be done for free or almost free? Why do only the schools with rich do-gooder parents have adequate supplies and resources?

And again, if no one would EVER pay someone to do whatever it is that you’re doing, then it is because it’s not really worth doing. If you find it to be a fun hobby have at it, but you’re not going to guilt me into playing along with you and wasting my time.

You are quite insane. What’s it like living alone in your little universe?

[Anonymous]

Every time I see this thread pop up, I am offended by the word "just." Very obnoxious, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great. I am perfectly content. I have a master's degree and worked a low paying job for about 10 years before staying home as child care for one would have been my entire salary and my job sucked. I planned to go back but then things popped up and they were more important.

Why are you so judgemental against others who make different lifestyle choices than yourself?

I distrust SAHMs because, in my experience, they construct ridiculous sets of values and criteria for how a woman and a mother should behave, parent, and look, that practically only wealthy SAHMs can achieve, in order to judge WOHMs and feel superior.

Holy generalization

+1 that is a whack statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full time parenting is tough and boring, much easier to earn and pay someone else to do it.

Not for people who love children. They and their children are the lucky ones.

[Anonymous]

".... if no one would EVER pay someone to do whatever it is that you’re doing, then it is because it’s not really worth doing."

This is the kind of comment that can only be made by the naive. The people who pay people to do things are: a) for profit businesses; b) the government; and c) nonprofits who are decently good at fundraising. Guess what? Group A is only out to make a profit, so that is a ton of valuable work they won't pay for because it doesn't generate a profit. Group B has some folks who recognize work that has to be done, but are stymied by the other folks who make sure there is no funding for that work. Group C simply cannot cover all that needs to be done in this world.

The work of volunteers is vital because our country has a lot of needs that A.B. and C can't or won't handle. We rely on a volunteer economy far more than you seem to realize.