Dating as a 45+ woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen, women around 45 have more opportunities than they can handle. They may struggle to find a soulmate but they have no problem finding a nice, interesting man for a short or medium term relationship. Maybe they struggle if they are very introverted or very unattractive. If you only want a physical relationship with your soulmate, things are a lot harder for many, even the very attractive ones.

Things get a little tougher for women over 55 and a lot tougher for women over 60. A lot of them seem lonely to me.

It’s messy what you said: so it’s harder if 45 yo women want a physical relationship ? This makes no sense - if a woman is truly into sex and likes men, she won’t have issues finding many contenders.
Finding a soulmate is much harder but it’s not related to physical part. It’s just harder in middle age to get along with people and live with acceptance of someone’s faults, habits, past etc.

Yes. I meant that even a 45 year old woman with many opportunities may still have a hard time if she won't have sex unless she's with her soulmate. I think most men and most women in middle age are a little hesitant to commit the way they did in their 20s and 30s, before they had experienced heartbreaks of divorce, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, man here, separated at 35. Is there something I'm supposed to know about women and menopause and dating?

Nothing. She’s trying to figure out how she can get a man without popping out another kid

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Young men like sex with hot young women, but what they *really* like is easy sex. I agree with PP who said that this is what's going on in most of these older woman/younger man relationships. There are probably some young men who prefer older women, maybe because older women are better in bed or maybe because they (the young men) enjoy feeling dominated/objectified...but they're the exceptions. Your typical twentysomething guy who's dating significantly older either can't get a woman his own age or doesn't feel like putting in the effort to do so.

It's funny how the ladies of DCUM assume that comical egotism is solely a guy thing. Listening to middle-aged divorcees talk about their love lives, it becomes clear that that's not the case. In general, middle-aged people of both genders seem to have very high opinions of themselves. I guess you have to deal with aging somehow.

The younger men I've dated can all get women their own age. They're all attractive with good careers. They prefer older. I didn't believe it for a long time, but they've all given me their reasons: younger women are trashy, flaky, needy, greedy, and, let's face it, a GenX woman is less likely to be fat, anxious, depressed, sexually confused and just plain weird than a GenZ. A few wrinkles is nothing when you factor in all of that, and most successful 45-55 year old women have the money to spend to get rid of them. The younger men I've dated have waited months for sex and insist on paying for everything. As far as I know, none of them has gone on to date younger after dating me.

Every time a thread like this pops up, it turns out that in addition to being Ivy-educated and worth $20m, the typical DCUM poster is 45 but looks twenty years younger and is dating a hot young trainer who worships her and is dynamite in the sack.

Look, we all do it. We all daydream about lives that are sexier, more exciting, and more flattering to our vanity than the lives we actually live. But a thread like this could actually be useful if people didn't clog it up with their fantasies.

The post above is a prime example. We've all heard about the problems that Gen Z women have, but when I'm out and about I see plenty who are pretty and presentable. The Gen Z nerds are the ones who have to either settle for the weird frumps or date older. The kind of guys the PP wants us to imagine her with are the ones who get to date the pretty, presentable women their own age -- and so that's what they do. The idea that a hot twentysomething guy is waiting *months* to have sex with a 45yo, in the meantime happily buying her dinner and listening to her talk about the latest gossip from the sixth-grade moms WhatsApp group -- when he could be with a hot twentysomething woman who will sleep with him on the third date...I'm sorry, I can't even type that with a straight face. And we're supposed to believe that the PP has experienced this *multiple* times, with "all" the young men she's dated? Man oh man, this is some of the most rank BS I've ever read on this site.

As I said before, middle-aged people of both genders really need to get their vanity under control. The men, sure...but the women, too. It's embarrassing.

Well, my degrees are not from Ivys and I'm not worth anywhere close to 20 million. I'm also 48, not 45. I don't look twenty years younger than I am. I have no clue what age I look. It probably depends on who's looking.
As for the men I date, yes, they do have sex with younger women. They tell me all about it. What do I care? They'll take me out and we'll spend time together and maybe we'll have sex one day. I always offer to pay, but they insist. I don't talk about mom gossip on dates. I don't have kids and most of my friends don't either. We talk about all sorts of things. They do spend a lot of time complaining about younger women though, which can get annoying.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

Sadly most 25 year olds are very overweight. I shouldn’t look better than many if not most of them but I do. I definitely don’t look better than the 25 year old version of myself.

-NP who is 45

PP here…I don’t look better than I did at 25 but I look better than most 20s and 30s women. A woman who is average looking or overweight…and even pretty…I look better than them even if many years younger. My cousin is a decade younger and looks much older than me. I can’t compete with absolutely beautiful younger women but most are not absolutely beautiful.

I find it astonishing that people don’t understand that some people can be attractive for a very long time if good genetics and you take care of yourself.

The perpetually online crowd tends not to have a strong handle on reality.

My photos prove it. Shut up.

Another high-IQ millionaire with the body of a college girl who's dating a young stud. What, you don't believe her? She just said her pictures prove it!

As a high IQ millionaire with the body of the model I once was, I prefer to date within 5 years (younger) or 7 years (older) of my age, which is 53.

[Anonymous]

Throw out all of your lingerie, bras and panties and start anew.

You’ll look great and have more confidence as you meet new men.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

Sadly most 25 year olds are very overweight. I shouldn’t look better than many if not most of them but I do. I definitely don’t look better than the 25 year old version of myself.

-NP who is 45

PP here…I don’t look better than I did at 25 but I look better than most 20s and 30s women. A woman who is average looking or overweight…and even pretty…I look better than them even if many years younger. My cousin is a decade younger and looks much older than me. I can’t compete with absolutely beautiful younger women but most are not absolutely beautiful.

I find it astonishing that people don’t understand that some people can be attractive for a very long time if good genetics and you take care of yourself.

The perpetually online crowd tends not to have a strong handle on reality.

My photos prove it. Shut up.

Another high-IQ millionaire with the body of a college girl who's dating a young stud. What, you don't believe her? She just said her pictures prove it!

As a high IQ millionaire with the body of the model I once was, I prefer to date within 5 years (younger) or 7 years (older) of my age, which is 53.

I believe her. I have a fancy phd, weigh a few pounds less than I did in college (when I ate crap) and significantly younger men are interested (and not just in sex). And I’m 45 so yes, I’m a “millionaire” but that’s just the reality of living and working in DC these days… my quality of life is no better than someone who earns half my income and lives in Charlotte.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

Sadly most 25 year olds are very overweight. I shouldn’t look better than many if not most of them but I do. I definitely don’t look better than the 25 year old version of myself.

-NP who is 45

PP here…I don’t look better than I did at 25 but I look better than most 20s and 30s women. A woman who is average looking or overweight…and even pretty…I look better than them even if many years younger. My cousin is a decade younger and looks much older than me. I can’t compete with absolutely beautiful younger women but most are not absolutely beautiful.

I find it astonishing that people don’t understand that some people can be attractive for a very long time if good genetics and you take care of yourself.

The perpetually online crowd tends not to have a strong handle on reality.

My photos prove it. Shut up.

Another high-IQ millionaire with the body of a college girl who's dating a young stud. What, you don't believe her? She just said her pictures prove it!

As a high IQ millionaire with the body of the model I once was, I prefer to date within 5 years (younger) or 7 years (older) of my age, which is 53.

Bragging about being a millionaire in DC is like bragging about owning a Honda.

[Anonymous]

Women will NEVER admit if their relationships post divorce don't end up the way they envisioned. They just won't. They ALWAYS think that they have made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women will NEVER admit if their relationships post divorce don't end up the way they envisioned. They just won't. They ALWAYS think that they have made the right decision.

Divorce can be right even if the relationships after are disappointing.

[Anonymous]

I'm newly single at 40 and look good. I would never compete with younger women or mess with younger men who think it's trendy to trash their female counterparts to make me feel good. I'm not yet at the point where I am ready to date but I will be soon. I've started individual counseling and will ultimately look for longterm partnership/marriage again.

[CosmicFlower]

Dating can definitely have its ups and downs no matter what age. I tried a bunch of the dating apps, and I never thought I'd find my partner on Facebook Dating of all places! 😉
I also tried dating younger men, but it seemed like most of those guys just wanted to have fun, while I'm really looking for something serious long-term. Generally speaking, older men seem a little more on the same page in that department.
Overall, I've learned that being completely honest with your intentions and what you're hoping to find is so important. At the end of the day, building real trust and connection is what really matters. I'm just glad I stuck it out and kept putting myself out there until I found someone who feels like a perfect match. ❤️