DD only kid in her friend group not invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

I am sorry this happened to your daughter to her face.

The car size is real though. I often take the number of kids I can fit. I tell my kid(s) how many friends they can bring. I wonder how many times someone may have felt bad simply because of the number of seats I have in my car.

As a parent of a left out kid, I can tell you that I'd often be happy to drive. If I have to drive both ways I'll bring a bookb to stay busy while I wait.

No one is obligated to hang out with anyone but parents should teach kids to look for opportunities to include others, even as tweens and teens. This is especially true if an entire "group" is getting together except for one kid (group meaning like all the kids from the same lunch table, all the same grade or gender in a sport or club or class).

+1 especially the bolded. My 12 year old DD has a friend group of seven girls total. Our rule is that she invites either the entire group or no more than two others, i.e., no inviting all but one girl, no inviting more than half of the group and leaving three out. I know that not all the girls in the group stick to that, but it's what we do.

Also not allowed: a smaller subset of the group getting a special add-on to something, e.g., inviting the whole group for a birthday party and only a few select ones to sleepover. F no.

I have boys and I don’t do sleepovers but I have heard from many moms over the years about having some sort of regular party and a few select girls can sleep over. Host mom and probably birthday girl doesn’t want to host 10+ girls all night but 3-5 girls would be ok.

In all these friend groups, do these girls all think they are equally close? I find my boys have 1-2 close/best friends and then there are newer friends or just not as close friends. Not all friendships are equal. For my entire life, I have always had 1 or 2 BFF type friends and then was part of larger friend groups. Maybe I wasn’t included and or excluded so I didn’t feel bad much in my teen years.

The bolded is absolutely, positively, not okay. Not at all. It's not about all the girls being equally close - they know they're not. Even in my DD's friend group, there are pairs or trios who spend more time together, for various reasons. There's a world of difference between those natural relationships and kicking kids out of a PARTY because parents don't have the spine to say no to their kids. This issue actually arose two days ago; we were planning to host DD's friend group for Halloween, pre- and post-trick or treating, and DD asked if two of them could come over early to set up (no, they could not). Was she happy in the moment? No. Did she live? Yes, and had a great time.

As an adult, I have friends with whom I'm particularly close, and one in particular who is more like family. I see them on separate occasions and sometimes together, as one does. What I do NOT do is invite eight girlfriends for a spa day, wave goodbye to five, and do a girls' night with the remaining three. If I want a night out with my three closest pals, that's a separate event.

+1 It's rude to categorize guests into A List and B List.

This was so common at my DC’s k-8 private school. Some parents would invite a bigger group to the party at like the trampoline park and then one group of 5-6 kids would all leave with the birthday kid with their sleeping bags and pillows. So incredibly rude. Just plan a sleep over for another weekend.

I'm sorry that happened. That's really crappy. Of course the other kids watching this are going to feel left out. My kids know that every guest should be treated well and equally. How would these parents feel if they were invited to a cocktail party but some guests were invited to the after party while they were led to the door to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

I am sorry this happened to your daughter to her face.

The car size is real though. I often take the number of kids I can fit. I tell my kid(s) how many friends they can bring. I wonder how many times someone may have felt bad simply because of the number of seats I have in my car.

As a parent of a left out kid, I can tell you that I'd often be happy to drive. If I have to drive both ways I'll bring a bookb to stay busy while I wait.

No one is obligated to hang out with anyone but parents should teach kids to look for opportunities to include others, even as tweens and teens. This is especially true if an entire "group" is getting together except for one kid (group meaning like all the kids from the same lunch table, all the same grade or gender in a sport or club or class).

+1 especially the bolded. My 12 year old DD has a friend group of seven girls total. Our rule is that she invites either the entire group or no more than two others, i.e., no inviting all but one girl, no inviting more than half of the group and leaving three out. I know that not all the girls in the group stick to that, but it's what we do.

Also not allowed: a smaller subset of the group getting a special add-on to something, e.g., inviting the whole group for a birthday party and only a few select ones to sleepover. F no.

I have boys and I don’t do sleepovers but I have heard from many moms over the years about having some sort of regular party and a few select girls can sleep over. Host mom and probably birthday girl doesn’t want to host 10+ girls all night but 3-5 girls would be ok.

In all these friend groups, do these girls all think they are equally close? I find my boys have 1-2 close/best friends and then there are newer friends or just not as close friends. Not all friendships are equal. For my entire life, I have always had 1 or 2 BFF type friends and then was part of larger friend groups. Maybe I wasn’t included and or excluded so I didn’t feel bad much in my teen years.

The bolded is absolutely, positively, not okay. Not at all. It's not about all the girls being equally close - they know they're not. Even in my DD's friend group, there are pairs or trios who spend more time together, for various reasons. There's a world of difference between those natural relationships and kicking kids out of a PARTY because parents don't have the spine to say no to their kids. This issue actually arose two days ago; we were planning to host DD's friend group for Halloween, pre- and post-trick or treating, and DD asked if two of them could come over early to set up (no, they could not). Was she happy in the moment? No. Did she live? Yes, and had a great time.

As an adult, I have friends with whom I'm particularly close, and one in particular who is more like family. I see them on separate occasions and sometimes together, as one does. What I do NOT do is invite eight girlfriends for a spa day, wave goodbye to five, and do a girls' night with the remaining three. If I want a night out with my three closest pals, that's a separate event.

+1 It's rude to categorize guests into A List and B List.

This was so common at my DC’s k-8 private school. Some parents would invite a bigger group to the party at like the trampoline park and then one group of 5-6 kids would all leave with the birthday kid with their sleeping bags and pillows. So incredibly rude. Just plan a sleep over for another weekend.

I'm sorry that happened. That's really crappy. Of course the other kids watching this are going to feel left out. My kids know that every guest should be treated well and equally. How would these parents feel if they were invited to a cocktail party but some guests were invited to the after party while they were led to the door to leave?

This happens with some weddings. Everyone is invited to the ceremony but only some are invited to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

I am sorry this happened to your daughter to her face.

The car size is real though. I often take the number of kids I can fit. I tell my kid(s) how many friends they can bring. I wonder how many times someone may have felt bad simply because of the number of seats I have in my car.

As a parent of a left out kid, I can tell you that I'd often be happy to drive. If I have to drive both ways I'll bring a bookb to stay busy while I wait.

No one is obligated to hang out with anyone but parents should teach kids to look for opportunities to include others, even as tweens and teens. This is especially true if an entire "group" is getting together except for one kid (group meaning like all the kids from the same lunch table, all the same grade or gender in a sport or club or class).

+1 especially the bolded. My 12 year old DD has a friend group of seven girls total. Our rule is that she invites either the entire group or no more than two others, i.e., no inviting all but one girl, no inviting more than half of the group and leaving three out. I know that not all the girls in the group stick to that, but it's what we do.

Also not allowed: a smaller subset of the group getting a special add-on to something, e.g., inviting the whole group for a birthday party and only a few select ones to sleepover. F no.

I have boys and I don’t do sleepovers but I have heard from many moms over the years about having some sort of regular party and a few select girls can sleep over. Host mom and probably birthday girl doesn’t want to host 10+ girls all night but 3-5 girls would be ok.

In all these friend groups, do these girls all think they are equally close? I find my boys have 1-2 close/best friends and then there are newer friends or just not as close friends. Not all friendships are equal. For my entire life, I have always had 1 or 2 BFF type friends and then was part of larger friend groups. Maybe I wasn’t included and or excluded so I didn’t feel bad much in my teen years.

The bolded is absolutely, positively, not okay. Not at all. It's not about all the girls being equally close - they know they're not. Even in my DD's friend group, there are pairs or trios who spend more time together, for various reasons. There's a world of difference between those natural relationships and kicking kids out of a PARTY because parents don't have the spine to say no to their kids. This issue actually arose two days ago; we were planning to host DD's friend group for Halloween, pre- and post-trick or treating, and DD asked if two of them could come over early to set up (no, they could not). Was she happy in the moment? No. Did she live? Yes, and had a great time.

As an adult, I have friends with whom I'm particularly close, and one in particular who is more like family. I see them on separate occasions and sometimes together, as one does. What I do NOT do is invite eight girlfriends for a spa day, wave goodbye to five, and do a girls' night with the remaining three. If I want a night out with my three closest pals, that's a separate event.

+1 It's rude to categorize guests into A List and B List.

This was so common at my DC’s k-8 private school. Some parents would invite a bigger group to the party at like the trampoline park and then one group of 5-6 kids would all leave with the birthday kid with their sleeping bags and pillows. So incredibly rude. Just plan a sleep over for another weekend.

I'm sorry that happened. That's really crappy. Of course the other kids watching this are going to feel left out. My kids know that every guest should be treated well and equally. How would these parents feel if they were invited to a cocktail party but some guests were invited to the after party while they were led to the door to leave?

This happens with some weddings. Everyone is invited to the ceremony but only some are invited to the reception.

Wow, that's terrible manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

My daughter and her fiends are frequently invited to parties, but the people who host them are outside of their immediate friend group. If two of the girls are invited, but the other two aren’t, the invited girls WILL ask if they can bring other friends. Sometimes the hosts say sure! Other times they’ll say no.

That’s also rude. If you are invited to a party you don’t ask to bring a guest. Teach your kids manners.

I completely disagree. We're not talking about one of those little kid parties at jump places where you pay per head. We're talking about casual get togethers are someone's house where usually a few dozen people are invited. DD was invited to a party like this one year. She was friends with a lot of the other girls who were invited and is now really good friends with the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

All good options. I think parents need to read this, internatize and then teach their kids. If the parents can't come up with ways to not single out one person, the kids aren't going to learn it either.

LOL. The self-centered parents on here fall all over themselves to justify letting them and their kid be a jerk. As long as their kid is on the "in" then screw the kid(s) left out. . . . . it's disgusting.

I would not assume she was left out on purpose and I hope one of her friends asked the host what happened. DD has sometimes left people off invites by mistake. She's the sweetest but can be a bit scattered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP here but the pp's list is what the adults should be teaching.

I don't get this pretzeling to justify leaving one person out or not teaching your child basic manners. My parents threw a lot of large and small parties and socialized a lot, including with my dad's professional contacts and their families. My siblings and I were required to be polite hosts and guests to other kids. None of this "Well I don't like Larla so Mom and Dad will back me up if I just invite the kids I like to go to the family room for movies and games and just leave her out. Because WAH I'm just not impressed with her and it would be too tortuous for me to interact with someone who failed to clear my bar." This is part of building community and establishing long-term relationships. My dad had some lucrative professional opportunities that he wouldn't have had if we acted like a-holes to the kids of these potential partners.

I've seen some spectacular, karmic blow backs for the kids and parents who try this mean girl exclusion under the guise of "logistics" or whatever. I don't think this is a successful long-term strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Sometimes I hear in passing about people getting together without me. Sure, I may feel bad for a second and then I move on. It isn’t like we don’t have 5 million things going on between sports for 3 kids, kid birthday parties, work functions, family events, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

I have never encountered this. Maybe it’s a poor person thing?
I am sorry this happened to your daughter to her face.

The car size is real though. I often take the number of kids I can fit. I tell my kid(s) how many friends they can bring. I wonder how many times someone may have felt bad simply because of the number of seats I have in my car.

As a parent of a left out kid, I can tell you that I'd often be happy to drive. If I have to drive both ways I'll bring a bookb to stay busy while I wait.

No one is obligated to hang out with anyone but parents should teach kids to look for opportunities to include others, even as tweens and teens. This is especially true if an entire "group" is getting together except for one kid (group meaning like all the kids from the same lunch table, all the same grade or gender in a sport or club or class).

+1 especially the bolded. My 12 year old DD has a friend group of seven girls total. Our rule is that she invites either the entire group or no more than two others, i.e., no inviting all but one girl, no inviting more than half of the group and leaving three out. I know that not all the girls in the group stick to that, but it's what we do.

Also not allowed: a smaller subset of the group getting a special add-on to something, e.g., inviting the whole group for a birthday party and only a few select ones to sleepover. F no.

I have boys and I don’t do sleepovers but I have heard from many moms over the years about having some sort of regular party and a few select girls can sleep over. Host mom and probably birthday girl doesn’t want to host 10+ girls all night but 3-5 girls would be ok.

In all these friend groups, do these girls all think they are equally close? I find my boys have 1-2 close/best friends and then there are newer friends or just not as close friends. Not all friendships are equal. For my entire life, I have always had 1 or 2 BFF type friends and then was part of larger friend groups. Maybe I wasn’t included and or excluded so I didn’t feel bad much in my teen years.

The bolded is absolutely, positively, not okay. Not at all. It's not about all the girls being equally close - they know they're not. Even in my DD's friend group, there are pairs or trios who spend more time together, for various reasons. There's a world of difference between those natural relationships and kicking kids out of a PARTY because parents don't have the spine to say no to their kids. This issue actually arose two days ago; we were planning to host DD's friend group for Halloween, pre- and post-trick or treating, and DD asked if two of them could come over early to set up (no, they could not). Was she happy in the moment? No. Did she live? Yes, and had a great time.

As an adult, I have friends with whom I'm particularly close, and one in particular who is more like family. I see them on separate occasions and sometimes together, as one does. What I do NOT do is invite eight girlfriends for a spa day, wave goodbye to five, and do a girls' night with the remaining three. If I want a night out with my three closest pals, that's a separate event.

+1 It's rude to categorize guests into A List and B List.

This was so common at my DC’s k-8 private school. Some parents would invite a bigger group to the party at like the trampoline park and then one group of 5-6 kids would all leave with the birthday kid with their sleeping bags and pillows. So incredibly rude. Just plan a sleep over for another weekend.

I'm sorry that happened. That's really crappy. Of course the other kids watching this are going to feel left out. My kids know that every guest should be treated well and equally. How would these parents feel if they were invited to a cocktail party but some guests were invited to the after party while they were led to the door to leave?

This happens with some weddings. Everyone is invited to the ceremony but only some are invited to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP here but the pp's list is what the adults should be teaching.

I don't get this pretzeling to justify leaving one person out or not teaching your child basic manners. My parents threw a lot of large and small parties and socialized a lot, including with my dad's professional contacts and their families. My siblings and I were required to be polite hosts and guests to other kids. None of this "Well I don't like Larla so Mom and Dad will back me up if I just invite the kids I like to go to the family room for movies and games and just leave her out. Because WAH I'm just not impressed with her and it would be too tortuous for me to interact with someone who failed to clear my bar." This is part of building community and establishing long-term relationships. My dad had some lucrative professional opportunities that he wouldn't have had if we acted like a-holes to the kids of these potential partners.

I've seen some spectacular, karmic blow backs for the kids and parents who try this mean girl exclusion under the guise of "logistics" or whatever. I don't think this is a successful long-term strategy.

I posted about often being the host. I absolutely tell my kids to be polite and good hosts. Even with kids they don’t like, I tell them to at least be civil. I do not force my kids to invite kids they do not like over to our house when the kid is organizing their own hang outs.

They absolutely have to be polite to the children of our adult friends and colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.