DD only kid in her friend group not invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

The women I am thinking about get upset if they hear that we get together without them.

Maybe it is because we always have somewhere to go (usually to pick up a kid from sports or to get to a game or other party) but I don’t care if people made plans without me or us after another plan. I guess we aren’t left out or I may be the one to suggest to go eat and anyone who wants to come can just come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

So my kids and I are often the ones making these plans to go to the movies, go out to eat, come back to our house. It is usually very quick and not well thought out. My older kids are boys. It is who they see and who joins in and we just go.

I also posted earlier in the thread that space in car dictates how many go and I don’t like too many kids in my house at one time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

So my kids and I are often the ones making these plans to go to the movies, go out to eat, come back to our house. It is usually very quick and not well thought out. My older kids are boys. It is who they see and who joins in and we just go.

I also posted earlier in the thread that space in car dictates how many go and I don’t like too many kids in my house at one time.

Of course space in car is an issue. If you can't fit more than 4 kids, you can't fit more that 4 kids. What is rude is a group of 5 being together and then leaving one behind. A second car should have been employed. "Sorry, kid, you don't get to come with everyone else b/c I don't have room. So, go home. Bye-ee"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

So my kids and I are often the ones making these plans to go to the movies, go out to eat, come back to our house. It is usually very quick and not well thought out. My older kids are boys. It is who they see and who joins in and we just go.

I also posted earlier in the thread that space in car dictates how many go and I don’t like too many kids in my house at one time.

Of course space in car is an issue. If you can't fit more than 4 kids, you can't fit more that 4 kids. What is rude is a group of 5 being together and then leaving one behind. A second car should have been employed. "Sorry, kid, you don't get to come with everyone else b/c I don't have room. So, go home. Bye-ee"

I don’t think I have ever been in this type of situation real time.

Where were the parents?
Why couldn’t the left out girl’s parent drive the kid?

I have one more introverted kid and one super social kid. My super social kid would have asked me to drop him off at J’s house if he found out everyone went there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

The women I am thinking about get upset if they hear that we get together without them.

Maybe it is because we always have somewhere to go (usually to pick up a kid from sports or to get to a game or other party) but I don’t care if people made plans without me or us after another plan. I guess we aren’t left out or I may be the one to suggest to go eat and anyone who wants to come can just come.

Even if your dance card runneth over, consider the fact that it doesn’t for others and/or you’re never in the position of being the ONE person/family left out of a larger group. I’ve been in friend groups enough to know that spontaneous gatherings happen. Every time, someone would say, hey, let’s see if [one family left out] can make it, too. Even if they can’t, the thought is there.

Again, this thread is about a kid who is the only one in her friend group not invited. That’s an utterly shitty thing to do to anyone, but particularly a tween/teen, since social exclusion feels like death to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s part of growing up. Maybe they are not really her friends. Find a wider friend group or different friends. It’s painful, but life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time.

If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold. Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something).

DP - the bolded. And I'm not sorry. I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior. Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings. We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion. People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.

Your examples aren't what people are talking about. We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends. Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over. Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.

The women I am thinking about get upset if they hear that we get together without them.

Maybe it is because we always have somewhere to go (usually to pick up a kid from sports or to get to a game or other party) but I don’t care if people made plans without me or us after another plan. I guess we aren’t left out or I may be the one to suggest to go eat and anyone who wants to come can just come.

Even if your dance card runneth over, consider the fact that it doesn’t for others and/or you’re never in the position of being the ONE person/family left out of a larger group. I’ve been in friend groups enough to know that spontaneous gatherings happen. Every time, someone would say, hey, let’s see if [one family left out] can make it, too. Even if they can’t, the thought is there.

Again, this thread is about a kid who is the only one in her friend group not invited. That’s an utterly shitty thing to do to anyone, but particularly a tween/teen, since social exclusion feels like death to them.

This. No one is saying that your kid has to befriend someone not in their group. We're talking about excluding someone already in a group. It's a really crappy thing to do whether you're a kid or an adult.

Some friends planned a dinner out for my birthday one year. They drew up a guest list that included someone I don't like. I approved the guest list because the alternative was to leave out one person in this friend group. I also never told anyone that I don't like her because that's just stirring up drama. I exchange pleasantries and sometimes a brief conversation with her then move on.

I have to wonder about these parents who support their kid leaving out 1-2 people in the group just because they don't like them. I'm female and have three girls. The girls who pull this mean girl exclusion crap almost always have the tables turn on them eventually. It's constant drama and having to find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s part of growing up. Maybe they are not really her friends. Find a wider friend group or different friends. It’s painful, but life.

OP here. Yes she has come to that conclusion. It has been a tough week for her. She had to listen to how great the party was on Monday by some "friends" that are not too self aware. The friend who had the party is one that I've been asked to give rides to and include in a number of things by her mom. I am staying out of it, but I will no longer drive her anywhere in the future. DD is chin up, but she is happy it's Friday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s part of growing up. Maybe they are not really her friends. Find a wider friend group or different friends. It’s painful, but life.

OP here. Yes she has come to that conclusion. It has been a tough week for her. She had to listen to how great the party was on Monday by some "friends" that are not too self aware. The friend who had the party is one that I've been asked to give rides to and include in a number of things by her mom. I am staying out of it, but I will no longer drive her anywhere in the future. DD is chin up, but she is happy it's Friday.

DP. Aw, I’m sorry for your DD. I have a 15 year old who’s been through some tough friend stuff, but I think it’s ultimately helped her learn what she really values in friends and she’s come out stronger and more confident. I hope thinks start looking up for your daughter soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

Right, that's why parents have to ask some questions.

- Mom can we drive some kids back to our house after tot?
- maybe. Who are you trick or treating with?
- names five kids
- that's too bad, we can only fit four. What do you think?

Then if dd says, "that's okay, larla can just walk home," you have a conversation about how that's not cool and ask her to think up some alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.

What would have been the preferable alternative?

Not pp but -
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars.
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out. These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.

I am pretty sure the OP is not talking about smaller groups meeting up and that her child is not invited. It is terrible that a parent makes an extra effort to leave out one child within a group of friends that does alot together. I think most of us here are grown up and understand your child will not be invited to eveything and talk to them about it.