DD only kid in her friend group not invited

[Anonymous]

Last year, DS got invited to a Halloween gathering/party and one of DS’s good friends was not invited.

This year, the host mom and I were talking and she mentioned Halloween. I told her that I had mentioned to my son about having a party this year. I will be the host of god knows how many people. The list keeps growing. I don’t think kids alwahs purposely leave people out.

[Anonymous]

How big are these parties?

My son is a freshman and he is having friends over on Halloween. I think it will be 10-20 kids.

Homecoming he did dinner with friends beforehand. I know there was a huge party an upperclassman threw and it sounded like there were hundreds of kids with drugs and alcohol. I’m glad he was not invited. At the same time, I don’t think this was the type of party you got a formal invite for. Lots of kids just showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl politics can be so terrible. This happened to me in high school. I was so hurt by it.

My story: my best friend from grade school moved back home and I brought her into my friend group. My two best friends from high school decided that she was "weird" and started saying mean things about her. I stood up for her and told them to knock it off. They then decided to teach me a lesson by excluding me and including her. They invited her and several of our other friends on a ski trip over Christmas break and left me at home. (My grade school BFF did NOT stand up for me.)

Relational aggression at its finest. I remember it well from MS -- the constantly shifting loyalties. Ugly stuff.

[Anonymous]

Hey helicopters. Be there for your kids. Distract them if sad and left out. Talk to them about why. But getting involved stunts them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl politics can be so terrible. This happened to me in high school. I was so hurt by it.

My story: my best friend from grade school moved back home and I brought her into my friend group. My two best friends from high school decided that she was "weird" and started saying mean things about her. I stood up for her and told them to knock it off. They then decided to teach me a lesson by excluding me and including her. They invited her and several of our other friends on a ski trip over Christmas break and left me at home. (My grade school BFF did NOT stand up for me.)

Wow. This is weirdly almost the exact same plot of that Judy Blume book “Blubber”—but in high school form

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at a Halloween party and one of her close friends wasn’t invited. While it’s true that hosts can’t invite everyone it does feel like some are particularly slighted. In this situation, the one girl is often excluded because the Queen B of the group has taken a disliking to her. She finds her “embarrassing.” The truth is the girl shines brighter than everyone, has a dynamic vivacious personality and will thrive in life.

Your daughter sounds awful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl politics can be so terrible. This happened to me in high school. I was so hurt by it.

My story: my best friend from grade school moved back home and I brought her into my friend group. My two best friends from high school decided that she was "weird" and started saying mean things about her. I stood up for her and told them to knock it off. They then decided to teach me a lesson by excluding me and including her. They invited her and several of our other friends on a ski trip over Christmas break and left me at home. (My grade school BFF did NOT stand up for me.)

I hope you can look back and know you did the right thing. I feel terrible for teenage you though.

I dumped those “friends” as soon as I got to college, and never looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ho

w big are these parties?

My son is a freshman and he is having friends over on Halloween. I think it will be 10-20 kids.

Homecoming he did dinner with friends beforehand. I know there was a huge party an upperclassman threw and it sounded like there were hundreds of kids with drugs and alcohol. I’m glad he was not invited. At the same time, I don’t think this was the type of party you got a formal invite for. Lots of kids just showed up.

The party my kid was at tonight had about 50

[Anonymous]

Your DD will be fine. People make too much of being involved in these friend groups. My DD is a social butterfly and frankly it causes so much drama. My DS is a loner and seems much happier. None of this angst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

She knows if she was excluded for a reason.

She may not know.
1) Crazy rumors float around among girls and sometimes separately among moms that can cause exclusion without the person who is the subject ever knowing.
2) Another guest might have a one-sided beef with her and have refused to come if OP’s DD was invited. At this age, it is often about perceived romantic rivalry, but it could be anything.
3) Queen Bees are savvy and know that exclusion is easier and less likely to carry consequences than other forms of bullying. “You aren’t inviting Larla, right? I CAN’T if she’s coming. I mean, seriously.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. Maybe the parent is the kind of person who puts a hard and fast rule on number of people a kid is allowed to invite?

This is much more common than people realize.

Yes, and I never understood it, as a kid or adult. Sure, say, you can have around 5 people and there ends up being 4-7. But a hard rule is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're more upset than she is, and that she doesn't need any advice.

You have no idea how she feels. She could be holding it all in. A lot of times at this age it’s about a boy. Or just the ugly one of the group starting trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

She knows if she was excluded for a reason.

She may not know.
1) Crazy rumors float around among girls and sometimes separately among moms that can cause exclusion without the person who is the subject ever knowing.
2) Another guest might have a one-sided beef with her and have refused to come if OP’s DD was invited. At this age, it is often about perceived romantic rivalry, but it could be anything.
3) Queen Bees are savvy and know that exclusion is easier and less likely to carry consequences than other forms of bullying. “You aren’t inviting Larla, right? I CAN’T if she’s coming. I mean, seriously.”

Ugh to number 3.

4) Sometimes groups use exclusion to bond more closely. The problem with these kind of cliques is that you never know who will be next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

She knows if she was excluded for a reason.

She may not know.
1) Crazy rumors float around among girls and sometimes separately among moms that can cause exclusion without the person who is the subject ever knowing.
2) Another guest might have a one-sided beef with her and have refused to come if OP’s DD was invited. At this age, it is often about perceived romantic rivalry, but it could be anything.
3) Queen Bees are savvy and know that exclusion is easier and less likely to carry consequences than other forms of bullying. “You aren’t inviting Larla, right? I CAN’T if she’s coming. I mean, seriously.”

Ugh to number 3.

4) Sometimes groups use exclusion to bond more closely. The problem with these kind of cliques is that you never know who will be next.

That was my elementary school and was glad it had gotten old and kids were through with that “fun” by HS

[Anonymous]

Is the person hosting a part of her main group ? Because maybe she’s not really friends with the host.