Rules about dating (14 years old)

[Anonymous]

It’s a lot easier to say no dating when your kid isn’t interested or no one them. I have one of those. I also have one who is interested that needs a different approach even though previously I always not until a certain age.

My DC has a classmate who shares a home room with a boy that she has been “seeing” for a few months. The family is very religious and expressly forbids any boy relationship or even going to a dance before the age of 16. Guess what? The girl and the boy get to school early in the morning and hookup in empty classrooms before the teachers arrive. Are they having sex? Probably not - but it’s a relationship. If your DC is really interested I’m not sure anything outside of homeschool is a sure thing. And this girl had no social media, no Snap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you family's rules about dating for this age group? Do you allow your child to be at home alone or at their boyfriend/girlfriend's home when no adults are at home? Place any limits on the amount of time they can spend with the person (to encourage other activities/friends)? I did not date at all yet at that age (I was allowed to but there was no mutually reciprocated interest).

Do you allow your child to be at home alone or at their boyfriend/girlfriend's home when no adults are at home? Absolutely not. This is a great way to become a grandparent.

Place any limits on the amount of time they can spend with the person (to encourage other activities/friends)? Sort of. Not any hard and fast rules, but you don't get to skip out on everything for time with your BF or GF. And I encouraged going out with a group.

To PP's second point, I would add curfews. All teens should have one, anyway; and being on a date doesn't extend the curfew limit.

I honestly can't believe anyone would actually ask the first question about allowing their kid to have a boyfriend/girlfriend over with no (responsible!) adult in the house or allowing closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a lot easier to say no dating when your kid isn’t interested or no one them. I have one of those. I also have one who is interested that needs a different approach even though previously I always not until a certain age.

My DC has a classmate who shares a home room with a boy that she has been “seeing” for a few months. The family is very religious and expressly forbids any boy relationship or even going to a dance before the age of 16. Guess what? The girl and the boy get to school early in the morning and hookup in empty classrooms before the teachers arrive. Are they having sex? Probably not - but it’s a relationship. If your DC is really interested I’m not sure anything outside of homeschool is a sure thing. And this girl had no social media, no Snap.

After school clubs are the biggest culprit. Mom thinks they are in yearbook and they are under the bleachers making out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I allow my 14 year old to date. He has had the same girlfriend for 5 months. She's really nice. They go to movies, get food (fast food or ice cream), walk around outside, and sit at our house and watch TV. I am really glad he has someone nice to spend time with - he has some issues forming regular friendships due to ADHD, but seems to be doing a lot better behavior-wise with this girl, for whatever reason.

I would perhaps allow this, but I would never allow them to be in the house alone and wouldn’t allow them to hang out anywhere in the house except common areas.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet, aged 16 and 13, gave us one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Love story? They didn't even know each other. They didn't "date" or get to know each other. It was physical infatuation and forbidden fruit (family enemies). Where was the "love?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet, aged 16 and 13, gave us one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Love story? They didn't even know each other. They didn't "date" or get to know each other. It was physical infatuation and forbidden fruit (family enemies). Where was the "love?"

Are you trolling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was 16 when they started dating. For those opposed to dating what age do you think it is okay to start

Our rule was no dating until high school

I'm not sure we were actually given a rule about age and dating. I'm like a previous poster who indicated they didn't have a mutually interested target. And it probably hasn't been good parenting practice on our part; but we've never established a specific rule about it for our kids, either. But our older kid has never expressed interest in anyone and also hasn't been social outside of home since middle school (friend groups change, pandemic shut-down). Our younger just turned 16 and recently informed us that she and a friend have determined that they like each other and were planning to go on a "real date." They've gone to a few movies together in the past and it's unclear what makes this "date" a "date" versus the things they've done in the past. They met at the chosen location, each being driven by another adult, and were picked up individually when they were done as well.

Even though we haven't determined a specific age eligibility for dating, it seems to me if my kid wants to go to homecoming with a specific "love interest," that would be a date and would be perfectly fine. If my kid were a freshman when that happened, I guess "high school" makes sense. But for the "no dating until age 19" group, I still wouldn't see going to a dance "with" a specific partner as "dating" per se. They're still going with a group of friends, most likely; and it may be a one-off event.

Obviously, many teens engage in more intense relationships; but not all "dating" at this age involves sex or activities that are specifically delineated from what can appear to be friends hanging out. If they start holding hands at school, then I can see a difference from what their friendship has been over the past two years.

My point is, it's not necessarily clear-cut what constitutes "dating" and I really don't think it has to involve all the "get a room" PDA in the hallways and hanging all over each other whenever they're together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet, aged 16 and 13, gave us one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Love story? They didn't even know each other. They didn't "date" or get to know each other. It was physical infatuation and forbidden fruit (family enemies). Where was the "love?"

Are you trolling?

No. Serious question. Where in the story do they actually fall in love? When they see each other at a social function. They didn't have any interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet, aged 16 and 13, gave us one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Love story? They didn't even know each other. They didn't "date" or get to know each other. It was physical infatuation and forbidden fruit (family enemies). Where was the "love?"

Are you trolling?

No. Serious question. Where in the story do they actually fall in love? When they see each other at a social function. They didn't have any interaction.

I'm with you. I know it's considered this great love story and all, but it's more of a cautionary tale to me, what happens when two kids who have no business being in a relationship mistake their lust for love. Everyone suffers, because they do not have the emotional or intellectual maturity to be in an actual relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet, aged 16 and 13, gave us one of the greatest love stories ever told.

Love story? They didn't even know each other. They didn't "date" or get to know each other. It was physical infatuation and forbidden fruit (family enemies). Where was the "love?"

Are you trolling?

No. Serious question. Where in the story do they actually fall in love? When they see each other at a social function. They didn't have any interaction.

You lack emotional intelligence.

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy.

Juliet, Act 1, Scene 5

[Anonymous]

I honestly can't believe anyone would actually ask the first question about allowing their kid to have a boyfriend/girlfriend over with no (responsible!) adult in the house or allowing closed doors.

I have a part time job on the weekends, in addition to my full time job on the week, and am a single parent of two children. I don't allow my teen (14, turning 15 soon) to close the door when his girlfriend is over and I am home, but I also don't forbid him from ever having her over if I am not at home. His younger sister is generally there as well, and if I forbade his girlfriend from coming over if I weren't there, he would almost never get to see her. I hope they are acting responsibly, and have expressed this repeatedly, but I don't have the bandwidth to regularly chaperone them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a lot easier to say no dating when your kid isn’t interested or no one them. I have one of those. I also have one who is interested that needs a different approach even though previously I always not until a certain age.

My DC has a classmate who shares a home room with a boy that she has been “seeing” for a few months. The family is very religious and expressly forbids any boy relationship or even going to a dance before the age of 16. Guess what? The girl and the boy get to school early in the morning and hookup in empty classrooms before the teachers arrive. Are they having sex? Probably not - but it’s a relationship. If your DC is really interested I’m not sure anything outside of homeschool is a sure thing. And this girl had no social media, no Snap.

After school clubs are the biggest culprit. Mom thinks they are in yearbook and they are under the bleachers making out

Some kids will understand the dangers or at least respect their parents enough to follow the parents directive. Others will sneak about trying to curtail all the rules set up. I agree if a kid wants to break any rule whether it be dating, drugs, sex, cheating, stealing, etc., that kid will find a way. But building strong parental relationships, setting up barriers, keeping them busy, and of course keeping them guessing with the occasional club stop by all help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a lot easier to say no dating when your kid isn’t interested or no one them. I have one of those. I also have one who is interested that needs a different approach even though previously I always not until a certain age.

My DC has a classmate who shares a home room with a boy that she has been “seeing” for a few months. The family is very religious and expressly forbids any boy relationship or even going to a dance before the age of 16. Guess what? The girl and the boy get to school early in the morning and hookup in empty classrooms before the teachers arrive. Are they having sex? Probably not - but it’s a relationship. If your DC is really interested I’m not sure anything outside of homeschool is a sure thing. And this girl had no social media, no Snap.

After school clubs are the biggest culprit. Mom thinks they are in yearbook and they are under the bleachers making out

Some kids will understand the dangers or at least respect their parents enough to follow the parents directive. Others will sneak about trying to curtail all the rules set up. I agree if a kid wants to break any rule whether it be dating, drugs, sex, cheating, stealing, etc., that kid will find a way. But building strong parental relationships, setting up barriers, keeping them busy, and of course keeping them guessing with the occasional club stop by all help.

You would stop by their after school club unannounced to try and thwart their potential dating? Ick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a lot easier to say no dating when your kid isn’t interested or no one them. I have one of those. I also have one who is interested that needs a different approach even though previously I always not until a certain age.

My DC has a classmate who shares a home room with a boy that she has been “seeing” for a few months. The family is very religious and expressly forbids any boy relationship or even going to a dance before the age of 16. Guess what? The girl and the boy get to school early in the morning and hookup in empty classrooms before the teachers arrive. Are they having sex? Probably not - but it’s a relationship. If your DC is really interested I’m not sure anything outside of homeschool is a sure thing. And this girl had no social media, no Snap.

After school clubs are the biggest culprit. Mom thinks they are in yearbook and they are under the bleachers making out

Some kids will understand the dangers or at least respect their parents enough to follow the parents directive. Others will sneak about trying to curtail all the rules set up. I agree if a kid wants to break any rule whether it be dating, drugs, sex, cheating, stealing, etc., that kid will find a way. But building strong parental relationships, setting up barriers, keeping them busy, and of course keeping them guessing with the occasional club stop by all help.

Who has time for that and who would even do that? We were partying in the woods and hooking up all of the time - we all are okay. Teens are hormonal. They like each other. They like to date. Sex could eventually happen. You can't helicopter that way.

[Anonymous]

I would add absolutely no sex without a condom; no exceptions. And only at home.