Rules about dating (14 years old)

[Anonymous]

What are you family's rules about dating for this age group? Do you allow your child to be at home alone or at their boyfriend/girlfriend's home when no adults are at home? Place any limits on the amount of time they can spend with the person (to encourage other activities/friends)? I did not date at all yet at that age (I was allowed to but there was no mutually reciprocated interest).

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would allow them to hang out alone at home. I have a 14 year old boy who isn't interested in dating at all yet, but if he were, I'd only allow it in groups or with me at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I would allow them to hang out alone at home. I have a 14 year old boy who isn't interested in dating at all yet, but if he were, I'd only allow it in groups or with me at home

Agree

[Anonymous]

Group settings or day time 1 on 1 for minor things like mall, playing sports, etc....

In the house ONLY when there are adults home.

[Anonymous]

I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

You seem oddly out of touch. You might not encourage it but you're not going to be able to do much to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Our 14 yr old is not allowed to be home alone or in room with door closed. Outside time (mall, park, activities) are required. We don't really limit the time but they seem to self-limit.

This is HS freshman year...many kids are starting to become sexually active (in some ways shape or form), so setting boundaries and expectations is important.

[Anonymous]

I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

I think there are legitimate reasons parents may feel kids are not old enough to date at 14 (e.g., emotional maturity), but this isn't it. I give my son an allowance. If he wants to spend it on taking his girlfriend for an occasional meal at Chipotle, vs. spending on something for himself, that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

I think there are legitimate reasons parents may feel kids are not old enough to date at 14 (e.g., emotional maturity), but this isn't it. I give my son an allowance. If he wants to spend it on taking his girlfriend for an occasional meal at Chipotle, vs. spending on something for himself, that's fine.

Ok. Good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

You seem oddly out of touch. You might not encourage it but you're not going to be able to do much to stop it.

I think you're oddly out of touch for believing as a parent that you lack the power to set expectations for your kids and to hold them to them. But hey, if you want to be held hostage to a 14-year-old, good luck.

[Anonymous]

I hung out with my boyfriend alone at 14. Guess what happened. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

You seem oddly out of touch. You might not encourage it but you're not going to be able to do much to stop it.

I think you're oddly out of touch for believing as a parent that you lack the power to set expectations for your kids and to hold them to them. But hey, if you want to be held hostage to a 14-year-old, good luck.

It's not one or the other. I have set expectations and am certainly not held hostage. There is a degree of freedom I give my teen with each year. No 14 year old I know wants to go to a restaurant for a date. It's awkward and silly. They do want to hang out at the pool, park, etc which is totally fine and age appropriate. Perhaps unclench a little bit and set REALISTIC expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

You seem oddly out of touch. You might not encourage it but you're not going to be able to do much to stop it.

I think you're oddly out of touch for believing as a parent that you lack the power to set expectations for your kids and to hold them to them. But hey, if you want to be held hostage to a 14-year-old, good luck.

It's not one or the other. I have set expectations and am certainly not held hostage. There is a degree of freedom I give my teen with each year. No 14 year old I know wants to go to a restaurant for a date. It's awkward and silly. They do want to hang out at the pool, park, etc which is totally fine and age appropriate. Perhaps unclench a little bit and set REALISTIC expectations.

Did I say I don't let my kids hang out at the pool or park? I said I'm not funding my son's romantic life. Because the things they want to do on "dates" involve going to the movies, Chipotle, bowling, Chick Fil-A, shopping at the mall and I'm not funding that for him to impress a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not allow it or encourage it. A 14-year-old is not in a position to "date" anyone. If they're a boy, they don't have the resources to take a girl out on dates and I'm certainly not footing the bill for his romantic life.

It's fine to like and have romantic feelings for someone, but I don't think it's healthy for kids at this age to have entangled, adult-like, exclusive relationships that come with all of the obligations and rollercoasters that come with engaging in those things. Not to mention the physical ramifications such as pregnancy and STDs.

I think I might not encourage it but would be tolerable of a 17 or 18 year old starting to do that stuff, but definitely not a 14 year old. They're an absolute mental and emotional mess and I've seen too many toxic and destructive boyfriend-girlfriend entanglements to encourage that for my kids at that age.

You seem oddly out of touch. You might not encourage it but you're not going to be able to do much to stop it.

I think you're oddly out of touch for believing as a parent that you lack the power to set expectations for your kids and to hold them to them. But hey, if you want to be held hostage to a 14-year-old, good luck.

It's not one or the other. I have set expectations and am certainly not held hostage. There is a degree of freedom I give my teen with each year. No 14 year old I know wants to go to a restaurant for a date. It's awkward and silly. They do want to hang out at the pool, park, etc which is totally fine and age appropriate. Perhaps unclench a little bit and set REALISTIC expectations.

Did I say I don't let my kids hang out at the pool or park? I said I'm not funding my son's romantic life. Because the things they want to do on "dates" involve going to the movies, Chipotle, bowling, Chick Fil-A, shopping at the mall and I'm not funding that for him to impress a girl.

no one other than you mentioned any of that. You basically said no dating at all at 14 in your initial response which is what I was reacting to.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old doesn't date. It's too young. Not until high school. Other people will have their own rules about it but 14 is too youg.

I am far from a strict parent. My 20 and 18 year olds started dating in high school. They were allowed to be home along and even in rooms with the door closed. We *gasp* even allowed a bf to stay over after they were 18 and almost off to college. We didn't have any issues, but 14 is a big no for me.